


Please Stay

by imayoshis



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Drama, Drug Use, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Marijuana, Past Relationship(s), Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-27
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-06-17 06:58:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 55,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15455823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imayoshis/pseuds/imayoshis
Summary: Tenzō and Kakashi's paths meet again, and Kakashi wants to fix the damage done to their relationship. Tenzō does not know what to believe and scared to let Kakashi back in. What will Tenzō do when he falls right back in love?College AU with occasional high school flashbacks.





	1. Echoes of the Past

**Author's Note:**

> This fic will contain flashbacks at the beginning of every chapter, so everything in italics in the start of the chapters are not current events. Also, this fic will contain random anime and video game references. I will put an asterisk next to the references if not explained in the chapter.

_“Oh man. Where am I supposed to go?” Tenzō groaned as he took his first step onto campus. First day of high school. People always say high school is where memories are made. Whether they will be good or bad, he did not know. He hoped good, but that’s wishful thinking. He knew high school is where all the drama happened, and he planned to steer clear from it as much as possible._

_He took a few steps forward and gets pushed from behind. He immediately stumbled forward, losing his balance. His knees hit the ground and he threw his arms out to try to catch himself. His hands connected with the gravel, sending pain up his wrists and forearms._

_He heard a thud noise as if someone else had fallen as well. He looked up to see a guy already picking themselves up and wiping his hands on his pants. The guy was taller than Tenzō so either he’s an upperclassman or just a tall guy. Tenzō noticed that the person had messy silver hair that slightly covered his left eye and wore a face mask. He really did not look like the type of guy Tenzō would want to mess with._

_“You okay?” The masked boy kneeled down getting closer to him. “I’m sorry I ran into you.” Tenzō sat up on his knees and looked down at his hands. They were scraped and red. They stung, but he was sure he will be fine. ___

____

____

_“Yeah, I’m okay.” He mumbled and the boy who knocked him over held his hand out to help him up. He grabbed the outstretched hand and pulled himself up. He winced when their hands met, his scrapes burning from the pressure, but he tried to hide it._

_“You new? I don’t think I have seen you here before.”_

_“Uh, yeah. It’s my first year here.”_

_“Oh, I probably gave you a bad start to your first day.”_

_“No, it’s fine. I still have all day.” Tenzō smiled. This guy did not sound too bad. Maybe he should not have judged him by his appearance so quickly. The boy looked away, and Tenzō swore he saw a light shade of pink raise above the boy’s mask._

_“What’s your name?” He asked while still not looking at Tenzō._

___“I’m Tenzō.” He answered, somewhat wondering why the guy would want to know his name. The masked boy finally rips his gaze away from wherever he was staring off to, and his eyes meet Tenzō’s. His eyes looked tired, and his left eye looked discolored. A scar ran down it which is probably the reason for the different color of the boy’s iris. His right being a noticeably dark grey while the other, a pale milky brown color. Tenzō quickly concluded the boy must be blind in that eye which would also explain why he lets his hair messily fall in front of it._

_“My name is Kakashi. Nice to meet you, Tenzō.” Kakashi’s eyes curled up, clearly smiling even if his mask covered it. Maybe this guy might not be too bad after all._

———

Tenzō rolls his eyes as he reorganizes the same area that he has done for probably the millionth time today. The shirts are strewn about and some are not even in the right location. Why had he decided to work at a clothing store at the mall? Half the time he would say he honestly did not know, while the other half would admit he needs the money and it’s close to his school, Konoha University.

He did not hate it the entire time though. He got good discounts on some nice clothes, and probably the best part is that he has a friend there. This friend also happens to be his first college friend and now, his roommate as of this year which happens to be his second year.

He glances over to see his friend stand over at the front desk staring off into space. He is not sporting his usual ponytail and is instead trying out the whole ‘man bun thing’ in hopes to appear cool. Tenzō does not agree with this... look... but has decided to let the guy be.

“Iruka! Look alive!” Tenzō shouts over to Iruka. The store they work at is actually quite smaller than most shops at the mall so those two regularly talk to each other from anywhere in the store. Even if one of them is in the back and the other at the entrance, they will still hold a full-on conversation when they can.

“The desk is boring, Ten. Nobody has come in for an hour.” Iruka groans and slumps across the counter. “The time is going way too slowwwwww.” He lies his head down while whining.

“You have two more hours to go. You’ll live.” Tenzō laughs while folding another shirt. Iruka does not budge and starts lightly hitting his head on the counter causing Tenzō to laugh even more.

“Why did I agree to work today? Why?” Iruka swings his head back up and sighs. He walks out from behind the desk and joins Tenzō with folding shirts.

“Mmm, because you just had to preorder that video game last week and now, you need hours.”

“It was a rhetorical question.”

“I know, but I figured reminding you that you need the money would make you complain less.” Tenzō explains, moving onto the area of jeans. Iruka gasps at him in the most dramatic way he could, openly looking more offended than needed.

“I honestly believed my complaining for the day was actually a notch lower than normal since we happen to be working the same shift for once.” The tanned young man deadpans letting his previous expression melt away almost instantly.

“Oh, so you’re actually worse on days when I’m gone?” Tenzō chuckles as he reorganizes the jeans in front of him. He picks up a pair of faded blue jeans and he eyes them for a moment, making note that he might want to buy a pair later since they look nice to him. He has an employee discount, might as well abuse it when he can. He swiftly folds the jeans and lays them in their designated stack. Hopefully, the jeans will still be there when he is off the clock.

“Hard to believe, isn’t it?” Genma appears between them, startling the both of them. “Working hard or hardly working, boys?” They both groan in response, absolutely tired of that phrase their manager seems to never get tired of.

“Working hard, I suppose.” Tenzō answers. He straightens up the stack of jeans he has been working on and smiles at his handiwork. He knows the organization might not last too long, but it is at least one thing he does not have to currently worry about. Genma walks away from them, heading towards the checkout area.

“Good, also Iruka, what’s up with the bun?” Genma asks and hops onto the front desk, sitting on it carelessly.

“I... a cute girl in one of my classes said she likes man buns... so I’m trying it out.” Iruka answers sheepishly with a light blush creeping across his cheeks.

“Wait, so you talked to a girl? I thought you can’t talk to girls?” Genma raises an eyebrow questioningly.

“Woah, good job, Iruka!” Tenzō smacks his friend on the back proudly. If there was one thing he knows about Iruka, it’s the fact that he has the worst luck with girls. They met each other in their first year of college and Iruka never had a girlfriend, nor kissed anyone, so Tenzō usually had some type of pride in his friend when he tries to get a girlfriend. Sadly, his friend actually has absolutely no idea how to talk to girls, and usually avoids them as much as possible because he is afraid he will just embarrass himself.

“I actually... overheard her talking to her friend about it.” Iruka scratches his cheek awkwardly. Genma snorts. “It’s not funny!”

“Dude, it’s not rocket science.” Their manager holds in his laughter as he speaks.

“You just have to remind yourself that they are people too.” Tenzō nudges Iruka, trying to cheer him up.

“I know, I know...” Iruka sighs. Tenzō tilts his head toward the back of the store, hinting that he is going to organize some more in a different area. Iruka just nods in response and stays where he is.

It’s not really that Tenzō did not want to continue talking, he is just sure he will hear everything in great detail tonight since they share a dorm together. Iruka is probably his best friend now, but sometimes his complaints and worries can wear anyone down. Tenzō never makes a fuss about it though. He most likely never will, because he is too afraid to lose his friend. He is no longer talking to his old best friend back from high school, so he has an irrational fear of losing the people he cares about. Tenzō honestly never wants to lose Iruka, not like what happened with him.

He grabs a shirt off the floor and quickly hangs it up where it should be. He sighs. One of the things he absolutely hates is the fact that people just leave clothes on the floor if they knock them off a hanger. For the longest time, he could not accept people could be that lazy, but after so many months at this store, nothing surprises him anymore. Iruka and him even created a game on who can find the most Starbucks cups that get left in random spots. So far today, Tenzō is winning with three cups and Iruka at two. As entertaining it may be to make those games, it just reminds him how much he wishes he had a different job. Retail just never fit him, but he needs the money.

He glances over at Genma and Iruka, who are both sitting on the counter. He rolls his eyes, not fully able to hide his frustration that those two are just talking and not doing anything. He looks around the store, still nobody shopping. He sighs, accepting it’s dead, so he should not be that bothered.

Tenzō goes back to the shirts, trying to organize them by size from smallest to largest. He has to do something to keep himself occupied. Time always goes faster this way.

“Genma!!” A voice booms in the store, and Tenzō’s eyes snap to the entrance. A man who looks about twenty-two and has a bowl cut stands triumphantly at the front of the store. He wears a forest green track suit which notably looked similar to a character from an anime Tenzō has been watching with Iruka recently. The man stomps excitedly all the way up to Genma. “I haven’t seen you since high school!”

“Oh, Gai... yeah, weren’t you a sophomore when I graduated? It’s been awhile.” Genma hops off the desk and puts his hand out to shake hands.

“Freshman! I’m three years younger than you, remember? Oh well, doesn’t matter. How’s life!?” Gai asks all while aggressively shaking Gemma’s hand. Tenzō feels someone standing next to him, and he looks to his right and Iruka is inches away from him. He jumps, taken back by how close he is. When did he even walk up?

“Ten, did you see the other guy that is with that guy talking to Genma? Also, I’m not the only one who think his track suit looks like Phinks’ from Hunter x Hunter, right?” Iruka says in a hushed tone.

“What other guy? And no, I see the resemblance too.”

“The guy with him looks like a total celebrity. He dresses like a kpop star. You know, the black face masks and bleached hair. His hair is silver, totally bleached. Looook.” Iruka pulls him over about a foot to the right to see the other man who stood next to Gai which happens to be small enough to be completely hidden from where Tenzō originally stood. His eyes rake up the figure, taking in the outfit first because of his friend making such a big deal about it.

The man is slender and short compared to the guy in the track suit. He is wearing black ankle boots and black shorts that stop just above his knees. His shirt is just a plain white crew neck and finally, Tenzō sees the black face mask. He stills, already knowing exactly who he is looking at. His chest tightens when he sees the man’s dark grey eyes and the scar that goes down his left eye. He bites his lip when he reaches the hair. Silver hair falls sloppily to the left somewhat covering his scarred eye. It looks messy, but attractive in its own way. Tenzō knows that hairstyle though. No doubt about it. The silver hair, the mask, the scar, it’s Kakashi Hatake, his ex-best friend and the only person he ever loved.

“It’s him...” He speaks without thinking. His heart is racing and he wants to run, but his feet stay glued to the floor. He is almost mesmerized, it’s been years since he last talked to Kakashi. If he is being honest, he did not want to break his record of them not talking. They are ex-best friends for a reason.

“Him? You know the celebrity looking guy?” Iruka asks, seeming to not notice Tenzō’s trance.

“He’s Kakashi... that friend I told you about.” He mutters, the world still feeling like it is about to end. He never planned to ever see Kakashi again and seeing him at work on a normal day like this is just awful. He thought his ex-friend moved away to attend ANBU State, but he is here. Maybe he is visiting? Maybe he doesn’t actually live here? He can only pray at this point.

“Wait, that guy is your friend who stopped talking to you when you confessed your feelings?” Iruka says while obviously staring at the masked man.

“He had a girlfriend at the time. It was a mistake.” He ducks under the clothing racks hoping he will not be noticed. Iruka follows suit and hides, clearly getting the hint that Tenzō did not want to be seen at all.

Tenzō’s mind is in overdrive, and he has no idea what to do. He cannot run away, because he is at work and his shift won’t end for an hour and a half. He can maybe hide until Kakashi leaves, but he already feels pathetic peeking at the man through clothes on hangers. He knows for a fact there is no way he is going to talk to him though. That just seems like a disaster waiting to happen, and he really does not want to see Kakashi’s reaction either.

“You two, what the hell are you doing!?” Genma shouts causing both Tenzō and Iruka to jump. They pop their heads out and are greeted by three pairs of eyes. If it is possible for Tenzō to sink into the earth spontaneously and disappear from the world, he would want nothing more than that in this exact moment.

“Oh, you know, working hard.” Iruka jokes awkwardly and walks around the clothing rack up to the three men.

Tenzō, on the other hand, stays planted where he is with his head hung low. He did not want to make eye contact with Kakashi. The second he does, he knows it is over and he will cave into talking to him. He can feel it though, those mismatched eyes boring into the top of his skull and his will giving out quickly.

“Hey, Tenzō, get over here. I want you guys to meet my old high school friends.” Genma nags making Tenzō finally look up. His eyes automatically meet those familiar tired eyes that he has not seen in years. His mouth goes dry, and his heart speeds up more than it already has. His will to keep his head down lost.

He clenches his fists and drags himself to the group. He only hopes Kakashi does not recognize or remember him at all. But, he also hopes that is not the case because he will surely drop dead if Kakashi does not remember him. If he does not drop dead, he will wish he does.

“Hi,” Tenzō speaks, and inwardly he is already screaming at himself. Years of not seeing his ex-best friend and all he can say is ‘hi’. On second thought, he already wants to drop dead.

“This is Gai,” Genma gestures at the tall man in the tracksuit. “The weird one is Kakashi.” Their manager snickers and Kakashi is immediately glaring at him. Gai just beams as if he did not hear the second comment.

“I’m Iruka,” Iruka holds his hand out to shake their hands. Gai immediately grabs his hand, shaking it just as aggressively as he had to Genma. Kakashi just nods, ignoring Iruka’s outstretched hand.

“Tenzō,” Tenzō states his name, still unable to conjure a full sentence. He shoves his hands in his pockets not willing to really greet either man.

“So, you guys are friends with our manager?” Iruka speaks, trying to break the tension Tenzō is so obviously creating.

“Wow, manager!? Working yourself up the ladder, Genma?” Gai bursts out.

“Hardly a ladder at a retail store.” Kakashi states, speaking for the first time since entering the store.

“Okay, I deserved that for saying you’re the weird one. It’s clearly, Gai.” Genma sighs and rolls his eyes.

“How did you guys know each other?” Iruka asks.

“I was a Teacher’s assistant for their P.E. class. These guys were wild. Always beating each other at everything. Wasn’t there another guy who was always with you guys?” Genma nudges Kakashi.

“Obito?” Kakashi mumbles. If he had said it any quieter, Tenzō is sure he would have missed that name. He remembers Obito. The guy was loud and boisterous, and always seemed to be annoyed or mad about something. Obito was also Kakashi’s best friend and they were practically hooked at the hip at school even if they spent most of their time bickering about anything and everything. Tenzō was also excruciatingly jealous of that boy. He wished he had known Kakashi as long as Obito had, but life does not work that way.

“Yeah, yeah. The loud one. He could never keep up with you guys.” Genma laughs.

“I haven’t talked to him in years.” Kakashi states in an apathetic tone. “We kind of went our separate ways after high school. I only kept in touch with Gai.” With this, Gai smacks the masked man on the back excitedly causing him to stumble forward a little.

Tenzō had enough. He did not want to hear anymore. He clearly is not the only one who got dropped by Kakashi Hatake, but that did not change the fact that it hurt. The man is not even acting like he remembers him. Some best friend he was.

He spins on his heels and walks away without a single word. He just wants to get back to work and be done with the day. The faster he is out of here, the faster he can forget this all happened. He makes his way to the farthest corner of the store and starts refolding shirts that he had folded hours ago. They did not even need to be fixed, but he will be damned if he stood there doing nothing or worse, try to make conversation with those guys.

His thoughts are already consumed with Kakashi and nothing he can do can force it away. His memories are flooding his brain and part of him wishes he can forget ever knowing that man. Remembering Kakashi is like drowning and knowing nobody will help you. He feels helpless and already lost hope ages ago.

If only he did not know what Kakashi smelled like, and the taste of his lips. The way his uncovered smile lit up his world. That laugh that just makes Tenzō’s heart skip a beat. His body that looked like a perfectly sculpted marble statue. Tenzō loved every damn thing about him.

But now, everything that happened between them makes the bad outweigh the good. Kakashi is his first kiss and his first love, but they never dated. Tenzō was Kakashi’s little secret and it was like a kick in the teeth when he found out. He had no idea Kakashi had a girlfriend. The girl was beautiful too, and they were made Prom King and Queen. He remembers when he heard everyone saying those two were THE couple, and everyone was waiting for the Prom King to propose.

Tenzō’s heart broke that day when he saw them kiss on stage. It then shattered completely days later when he confessed his love, hoping to win Kakashi over and... well, that did not happen.

_“What we have been doing, it was a mistake. What I have with Rin is going good, and I don’t want to ruin that. I’m sorry, Tenzō, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”_

Tenzō bites his lip recalling exactly what broke them up. He can’t even say they broke up if there really was nothing there to begin with. He trusted Kakashi more than anyone, but he learned the hard way that that was a bad decision. He was never going to make that mistake again with him or anyone.

A tap on his shoulder completely rips him from his thoughts and he has to resist his urge to snap at whoever touched him. He quickly concludes it must be Iruka, so he does not turn around. “I’m fine, Iruka.”

“Are you sure? You have folded the same shirt five times already.”

Tenzō freezes, holding up the damn shirt he most likely did fold five times, but that was not the only thing that made him stop in place. That voice. The person talking to him. That was not Iruka. Slowly, he looks back and he is staring directly at Kakashi.

“Oh,” he mutters, still not fully turned around. He lays the shirt down in front of him absentmindedly, and finally drags himself around to face the masked man.

“Hey, Tenzō.” Kakashi’s eyes curve up, openly smiling even if his mask covers it. Tenzō eyes him for a moment contemplating on what to do. He can openly ignore him, tell him off, or do exactly what Kakashi is doing, pretend everything is fine. All of those options sound... difficult.

“What do you want?” Tenzō settles for that question, not quite telling him off but also not pretending they are on good terms. He always hated being rude to Kakashi, but things are different now. He is not the same gullible kid in high school infatuated with his upperclassmen friend.

“Ah, so harsh, Tenzō.” Kakashi chuckles. Either he did not quite get the hint of him not being wanted or he is just choosing to ignore it. “It’s been a long time, huh? I barely recognized you.”

“It’s been almost five years, it’d be sad if I still looked fourteen.” He tries to force down his irritation. It is not like Kakashi is being mean back, so maybe if he plays this off, this conversation might end sooner.

“Ah, true. You are no longer that cute freshman I remember. You filled out quite a bit, you look good.”

“Thanks...” He feels stiff, probably because he has not relaxed the second he realized Kakashi entered the store. He wants to say more, but he honestly has nothing else to say. He had imagined this conversation before. He was completely ready to be the meanest person ever, but with Kakashi standing before him, he realizes he does not have the heart to do that. Somehow, he still cares, it’s not the same, but he really always wished the best for him even if it was pushed to the back of his mind.

“You still hate me, huh?” Kakashi’s shoulders droop when he asks this. Somehow that question hurt more than expected, and Tenzō finds himself panicking on what to say. He is a hundred percent sure if anyone else asked if he hates Kakashi, he would definitely say yes, but somehow, he cannot say it truthfully. He cannot say it at all. He knows it would just be a damn lie. He cares too much. He cares way too much.

“No, I don’t hate you.” He frowns really wishing he knew where to go from there. He does not particularly want this conversation to lead to him forgiving the man, but he has a strong feeling it just might.

“Oh... I was a bit more prepared for you to say you did.” They both stare at each other unwilling to speak after Kakashi’s statement. As if the situation could get any worse, it somehow managed to get worse with how uncomfortably awkward they are.

Tenzō pries his eyes away, searching for anything to distract him for the moment. He knows he should say something, but he honestly is looking for anything to give him a reason to leave. His eyes meet Iruka’s from across the other side of the store almost instantly who is currently giving him the biggest deer in the headlight look he has ever seen. He almost wonders how long his friend has been watching them and why. But, that is most likely something to worry about later.

“Is that guy... your boyfriend?” That question nearly startles Tenzō, pulling his attention back to Kakashi.

“Iruka? Boyfriend? No!” Tenzō practically yells this and he knows his face must already be as red as a tomato. He really has nothing against Iruka, but dating the guy is a completely different story. They are just friends. That’s it. “Iruka’s my friend. My best friend. Nothing more than that.”

“He also seems to be your coworker?”

“He is also my roommate, what’s your point?”

“I was just curious.”

“Curious? Yeah, of course. Makes sense.” Tenzō straightens up slightly in a way to regather his composure. Embarrassment is already nagging at the back of his brain. His face is still burning so he is certain his cheeks are a good shade of pink. If God could smite him out of existence, that sounded like the best option at this point. Tenzō already fully accepted he is not going to spontaneously sink into the earth nor is he going to drop dead, so God is his best bet. Sadly, being smote for just his sheer embarrassment is also highly unlikely to ever happen. A guy can dream though.

“Is your number still the same?” Kakashi asks while pulling out his phone. “I think I still have it if you never changed it.” He quickly taps on his phone screen and then holds it up to show Tenzō’s number.

The brunette gapes at him. He is shocked for numerous reasons, but quite possibly the main one is the fact that Kakashi still has his number saved after so many years. He could tell it is not the same phone from back in high school, so he concludes that Kakashi must have just transferred all of his contacts without deleting any. But really, Tenzō has no room to be shocked by this when he also has never deleted Kakashi’s number. Of course, a name change was in order, but he has no idea what it is changed to since he never receives messages or calls from that contact.

“I... yeah, I never changed my number.” He mumbles, wondering what the hell he has Kakashi’s contact under. No time like the present to find out.

“Do you have my number still? Probably not?” Kakashi asks, already pulling up a new message to send a text of his number.

“I don’t think so.” Tenzō is lying, but maybe he can find out what his past self had done that he really cannot recall.

“I’ll send you a text and you can save my number.” Kakashi says and presses send to his message.

Tenzō feels his phone vibrate in his back pocket and he hesitates to pull it out. Surely, the name cannot be that bad. He hopes at least. He sighs and finally pulls his phone out to see the message. A white box highlighted his screen showing he received a text message from ‘piece of shit’. He has to close his eyes to contain himself for a moment. Whether he should laugh or cry at the name is certainly beyond him, but nevertheless he opens the message. All it said was ‘hi it’s kakashi’ with his name not even capitalized.

“Well, you have my number. I’ll text you sometime. I gotta go though. See you later, Tenzō.” Kakashi flashes him a smile unaware of what was on the brunette’s phone screen. It is probably best that way anyway.

“Ah, okay. Bye.” He watches Kakashi walk off and drag Gai out of the store. He blinks letting his mind catch up to all of what happened in the span of the past thirty minutes. Not every day does he just come across his ex-best friend, but somehow everything he ever expected to happen if he did just did not happen at all. “What did I get myself into?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be trying to work ahead and have the chapters post every Thursday or Friday. I might post chapter 2 early though. I hope you guys enjoy. I will also post other kakayama stuff here and there when I have the time.


	2. One New Message

_“So, this is my room. Nothing exciting.” Kakashi swung his arms out as if he was showing off an art exhibit. His room was plain. White walls with nothing on them. A dresser and a twin sized bed with a green comforter. A small rectangular brown rug in the center of the room was maybe the only thing that could be considered decoration. His room really was absolutely plain._

_It was not awful though. It still had this feeling of being lived in even if the bed was perfectly made and the room was tidy in every way possible. Tenzō almost felt a little self conscience remembering his room not being nearly as perfect as this one._

_“It’s... neat.” Tenzō smiled really believing in his words. The room may not have anything that screamed ‘look at me’ but he still liked it. It smelled like Kakashi and it was where his friend slept, that alone made him like it. He wondered for a moment if he would ever have the opportunity to spend the night and share this room with Kakashi. It’s an exciting thought, but he did not want to get carried away too soon._

_“You mean boring, right?” Kakashi half joked as he plopped down on the small bed. Tenzō watched the older boy pull off his black face mask and throw it onto the dresser. His eyes immediately snapped back to Kakashi’s face. It’s the first time he gets to see it, and for about a good minute, he was sure he had forgotten how to breathe._

_The scar that goes across his left eye went down further than Tenzō expected, but that was not the reason he was so enraptured by him. Kakashi smiled at him, and it felt like he got the wind knocked out of his lungs. He has never once seen anyone so attractive in his entire life._

_He has had a crush on Kakashi for awhile now, but seeing that mask-less face made him realize he was in trouble. If Tenzō falls for him, he might not recover. It was a terrifying thought. Kakashi was way out of his league and he was certain that the competition would be ruthless. There must be dozens of people, no matter their gender, who liked Kakashi._

_“You don’t wear your mask at home?” Tenzō wondered out loud. He felt dumb for asking such a question, but curiosity got the better of him._

_“Huh? No. Dad usually tells me to take it off when I come home.” Kakashi shrugged and patted his bed next to him. “You going to stand there all day?”_

_“Ah... I...” Tenzō fumbled over his words as he walked over to the bed. He sat down obediently where Kakashi had gestured him to sit. He tried to think of something to say, but his brain cannot conjure anything._

_“Loosen up,” Kakashi nudged him while smiling. “You don’t go to other people’s houses often, do you?”_

_“No, this is my first time going to a friend’s house.” Tenzō mumbled while fiddling his thumbs. He was not even quite sure what anyone did when they go to a friend’s house. Play games? Watch movies? Talk? He did not know anything beyond that._

_“Woah, really? I guess I should feel honored.”_

_“Guess so...”_

_“Relax.” Kakashi shoved him playfully. Tenzō glared at him before shoving him back._

_“You relax.”_

_“I am relaxed. It’s my house.” Kakashi laughed and shoved the younger boy a tad harder than before._

_“Why are you pushing me?” Tenzō pushed Kakashi with more force causing him to slip off the bed. He gasped already prepared to apologize._

_“Woah, Tenzō.” The older boy bursted into laughter which completely surprised Tenzō. He was unsure of what to do in this situation. Normally someone says sorry for pushing someone off the bed, but normally the person who falls off the bed does not laugh._

_Kakashi jumped up and a devilish grin started to spread across his face. Before Tenzō could say anything, the older boy tackled him on the bed. They both bounced and rolled, hitting the wall. Tenzō had a leg hanging off the edge of the bed while the other pinned down by Kakashi’s knee. His wrists were being held tight by the older boy, so there was no way he could escape unless he kicked him. That was not something he really wanted to do, so he just accepted the capture._

_He swallowed hard, knowing his face must already be beet red. He was not quite used to this type of contact, and it only made it worse having a crush on the person on top of him. He was sure his heart was racing, and his embarrassment only grew._

_Kakashi blinked, holding his face mere inches above him. He looked anxious, that devilish grin had already disappeared. Tenzō could tell the boy was not looking him in the eyes. He was looking lower. His lips maybe? That could not be it._

_“I should... get up...” Kakashi mumbled but his face only got closer. Tenzō’s heart was ramming through his rib cage at this point. His brain had already stopped working, all he felt was desire. Tenzō wanted to kiss this boy more than anything. He only dreamed of this to happen, but god, he wanted it. He wanted Kakashi now._

_Tenzō arched his head back a little, trying to close the gap between their lips. He prayed Kakashi would get the hint. He feels the grip on his wrists loosen, and he nearly screamed afraid that this moment was over before even starting. Fingers intertwine with his, and Kakashi finally lets their lips meet._

_It was soft and not as abrupt as Tenzō had always envisioned it. Their lips brushed together, and Kakashi continued to keep everything slow. Tenzō always assumed Kakashi would be rough and sloppy at best when it came to stuff like this, but he was content finding out he was wrong. He actually enjoyed it more than he expected. The slow pace was comforting and eased some of his anxiety from never being kissed before._

_“Bark! Bark!” They both jumped at the sudden sound. A brown pug stared at them from the middle of the room, clearly the source of the barking._

_“You have a dog?” Tenzō asked while looking at the pug. It walked up to the bed and snorted at them. Kakashi sighed._

_“Yeah, this is Pakkun. Sorry. He must want to go out.” Kakashi hopped off the bed and picked up his dog. “I’ll be right back, okay?.” His face was completely red. He was also probably just as nervous as Tenzō was._

_“Yeah... okay.”_

———

Tenzō slips into his class that happens to be a giant lecture hall. The seats go down similar to that of a movie theater, and he idly walks down one of the aisles til he settles into a seat in the dead center. Half way down and half way in. He was never one to sit in the front but he hates the back in classes this size. He can’t see anything and most of the time can’t hear anything unless the professor uses their microphone at the front. Sadly, most don’t use their microphone. He also prefers the middle to mesh in with the students. He does not ever like to be noticed by the professor and perfectly content being a number among the crowd.

He showed up to class thirty minutes early just to ensure this seat. His smaller classes had this unspoken rule of where you sit the first day is your seat, but lecture halls... any seat is fair game. He has only ever been late to this class once and regretted it completely. The only easy available seats were right in the front and he felt like he was under a microscope in front of his professor. It was absolutely agonizing. How people just sit in the front by choice, he has no clue.

He pulls a notebook and pencil out and slaps them onto his desk. Time to start the day. His notes have been suffering quite a bit since he saw Kakashi a week ago. His thoughts always drift off to him. Wondering what the hell the man can be doing. Not texting Tenzō that was for sure. Kakashi said he would talk to him, but he has not heard anything from him. He almost... just almost... texted Kakashi first at least twice already. Okay, probably around ten times, but he always erases what he typed out and closes his messages.

“Hello, class!” A middle aged woman bounces into the room excitedly. His professor. She always just oozes joy wherever she goes, and sometimes it was overwhelming for a morning class. “I hope you guys are caught up on the reading. We will be starting chapter three today!”

Tenzō sighs. He forgot to read. His work was already slipping in just a few days. He cannot let this continue to get at him. Maybe he should just block the number so the problem will just go away. Would not matter if Kakashi messaged him if he never gets it. He will just move on and pretend he never saw him that day. Yes, it is a perfect idea. No Kakashi, no problem.

He pulls his phone out and starts scrolling through his contacts. He stops at the name ‘piece of shit’ and goes down to the block option. Just one tap and Kakashi will be gone forever. Tenzō’s thumb hovers over ‘Block’ and his breathing starts to speed up. Just do it. All his problems will disappear. Forever.

He can’t do it. He slides his thumb up to the side of his phone and locks it. Well, it sounded like a good idea when he believed he could do it. He did not know what exactly held him back, but he loses against himself every single time. He is almost embarrassed that he somehow cannot let go. He knows he does not love Kakashi anymore, but he would be lying if he said he was not excited to think they could talk again. It sounded dumb, but Tenzō really secretly hoped he could at least get an explanation for everything that happened back then.

“Let’s move on to the next slide!” The professor announces as she changes slides to her powerpoint. Tenzō lays his head on the desk. He already missed God knows how many slides while he tried to work up the courage to block Kakashi, and he already lost his will to focus today. He just wanted class to end and go hide in his dorm away from everyone. Maybe he could go stow his phone away somewhere and play video games til way past midnight. He hopes Iruka can distract him that long. He really really hopes.

The hour for class past slowly and Tenzō had managed to take some notes. Nothing to be proud of though. He will just have to read his book later. That is, if he actually does remember to read. Considering his track record these past few days, that option is looking more and more unlikely. He just wants to throw his phone away, so he would stop checking it every second of the day. He hates every time he gets a message and his heart skips a beat. It so far has not been Kakashi, why the hell did he jump every time his phone lit up?

He trudges back to his dorm tiredly. Tenzō jammed his phone deep in his backpack just to make sure he would last ten minutes without checking it. It worked. He made it all the way to his room without looking at that screen. Of course, the second he hit the door, he had ripped his backpack off and dug out his phone. Still nothing.

“What’s up with you?” Iruka is staring at him from his bed. He has his headphones around his neck and a textbook on his lap. Fuck, he’s studying. No games tonight. There goes that plan.

“He still hasn’t texted me.” Tenzō frowns and drops onto his bed face first. He is thoroughly ashamed, and he is hitting a point where he is just going to message the man himself.

“Kakashi? Weird. He said he was going to message you, didn’t he?” Tenzō groans into his pillow while nodding. At least he is not the only person finding the situation ‘weird’. “It’s only been a week. Maybe he is just busy?”

“It only takes about a minute to send a text.” Tenzō props himself up on his elbows and looks over at Iruka. “Could he really be that busy?”

“Well, maybe he just doesn’t know what to say?”

“It’s been years. He has had a lot of time to figure out what to say.” Tenzō snaps. He would most likely lose it if that really is Kakashi’s excuse.

“Okay, okay. You don’t need to be mad at me.” Iruka waves his hands in front of him as if swatting away the negativity towards him.

“I... just want to know why he hasn’t texted me. Did he lie? Was he really just lying to me?” He smacks his face into his pillow and groans again. He has never been so hung up on something like this since his last break up in high school. Waiting for someone to talk to him is the worst.

“He’s a jerk if he lied, and honestly, if he did then his loss.” Iruka always has a knack for saying the right thing at the right time when it truly mattered. Tenzō liked that about his friend. He has no idea where he would be if he didn’t meet Iruka. Probably dropped out of college by now actually.

Iruka was that guy that would stay up with him all night to help him study. The one who would give pep talks. The one who knew exactly how to fix a situation. No wonder his friend wanted to teach. He would definitely inspire anyone with his words. He had an amazing mind and a strong heart. He will be a great teacher one day.

_Buzz. Buzz._

Tenzō jumps up knowing exactly what that sound was. It’s his phone. He slams his hand down on his dresser reaching for his phone. He already has knots in his stomach. He hopes the message is Kakashi or he is going to feel really foolish right about now. He flips his phone over to see a white box showing he has a message.

‘From piece of shit: hey what’s up?’

He stares at his screen knowing he read that correctly. It is definitely Kakashi. He actually got a text. Albeit a week late, but he definitely got a message. Exciting as this may be, Tenzō realizes he just past only the first hurdle. He had no clue on what to say back.

“Iruka, it’s him.” He whispers as he stares at his new message. This is it. This is where Iruka says something amazing to somehow inspire him to say something to Kakashi. Maybe it will be something along the lines of ‘don’t worry, Tenzō, all you have to do is say hi right now’ or even ‘wow, I’m glad you got a message from him…seems he is serious about talking to you.’ Yeah. He will say something like that.

“Funny. I think you said something like that last week too.” Iruka chuckles and turns a page to his text book. Okay, maybe he won’t say the right thing. The first time he said something right probably was a fluke. Tenzō groans and throws his phone down on the bed.

“What do I say to him?” He whines, openly frustrated with himself.

“What did he say?”

“He said ‘hey, what’s up’… what do I say? Nothing much?”

“You can? He probably does not deserve a very engaging response.” Oh, there it is. The right thing to say. Tenzō almost felt dumb that he did not think of that. Iruka was right. Kakashi does not even need a good response. Hell, he probably deserves to wait just like Tenzō has been waiting this entire week. 

“You know what? I’m not even going to respond. I’m going to respond to him in a week. He made me wait that long. Might as well do it to him too.” He crosses his arms and lies back on his bed. He quickly pushes his phone off the bed with his foot and rolls over to face the wall.

“If you insist.” Tenzō could hear Iruka turn another page. He lies there for a while, not willing to budge. It is not like he was keeping track of how much time passed since he kicked his phone away, but exactly two hundred and fifty-six seconds later, Tenzō is staring right back at his screen rereading Kakashi’s message. Unbelievable. There is no way he can wait a week to respond. All of his hair will fall out from stress if he even tries to attempt. 

Iruka turns another page, and Tenzō looks up at his friend. He can tell Iruka is judging him. His friend was never good at hiding his emotions or what he thought. It’s no surprise he is pretending to read his textbook just to cover what he is actually thinking.

“What!?” Tenzō snaps. He quite possibly already started going insane because of Kakashi. 

“I’m not going to say anything.” Iruka does not look up when he says this. Somehow that pisses Tenzō off. Just a little.

“I get it. I’m being ridiculous.” His eyes return back to his screen. He reads the message again. 

“Just say uh that you got back from class, and then ask him what he is up to? Keep it simple.” It sounded like a perfect response. Why the hell did it take him so long to figure that out? Arguably, he did not even figure it out. Iruka did. 

_Buzz. Buzz._

Tenzō jumps, nearly dropping his phone in the process. Another message.

‘From piece of shit: think we can talk in person?’

Amazing. If Tenzō was not already stressed enough, his anxiety levels have shot straight through the roof now. He shakily holds up his phone and starts typing out a message.

‘Yeah, sure.’

Sent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to do some last minute editing, so my update for this is a few hours later than I planned. Chapter 3 will be up Thursday. Also, I wanted to say the flashbacks where Tenzō is 14 and Kakashi is 17, their relationship is rather innocent. I wanted to keep their relationship for flashback at a minimum of just the simple kisses, cuddling, and holding hands and nothing further.


	3. The Truth

_“What happened to your face?!” Tenzō nearly shouted when he saw Kakashi. The boy had dark purple around his left eye that swelled up quite a bit. Something or someone must have hit him and Tenzō was not happy about this._

_“Ah, this?” Kakashi points at his black eye. “Got in a fight. No big deal.”_

_“No big deal? Did you get in trouble?” Tenzō asked as they started walking. School was over and they both walk the same way home, so they fell into a habit of leaving together._

_“Yeah, I got suspended for three days. Sorry I didn’t walk home with you yesterday. I actually got in the fight yesterday and was sent home. I couldn’t text you because my dad was pretty angry with me. Took my phone away for the night.”_

_“It’s fine. You don’t need to apologize. You have your phone back now, right?” Tenzō tried his best to not stare at the ugly bruise. It was quite noticeable and very painful to look it if he was being honest._

_“Yep, he gave it back this morning. He told me to just promise to stay out of trouble.” Kakashi smiled and jammed his hands in his pockets while he walked._

_“Wait, why are you here if you got suspended? Did you walk all the way to school to walk me home?” Tenzō quirked an eyebrow at him. He did not want to get his hopes up too quickly, but he really enjoyed the idea of Kakashi coming all this way to keep him company._

_“Is that too hard to believe?”_

_“So, you actually did?”_

_“Mhmm,” Kakashi hummed proudly. “It’s also very boring at home.”_

_“Well, thank you for uh... walking with me.” Tenzō scratched the back of his head awkwardly, his cheeks blossoming a powder pink._

_“You don’t need to thank me. I wanted to see you too.” Kakashi slung his arm around Tenzō’s small shoulders and pulled him closer._

_“Also... why did you get in a fight?” Kakashi stopped, nearly causing Tenzō to trip over his own feet. He probably would have fell if Kakashi was not holding him._

_“Um, it was... uh... the guy started it. I don’t know why.” Kakashi lied. Tenzō could tell. He could not explain how it was a lie, but he knew. He wanted to pry further to know why Kakashi would not tell him the truth, but he decided to leave it. His friend probably had his reasons. He would find out eventually._

_“If you say so.”_

———

“Okay, you got me out here. What was so important to make me talk to you in person?” Tenzō found Kakashi sitting at an empty bench on campus. It is late now; the sun had already set about an hour ago. Why it took all day for Kakashi to show up? Well, Tenzō wants to know why too.

Kakashi grins and stretches his legs out in front of him. He is wearing ripped up blue jeans and a black t-shirt that has a large white stripe running along the left side. He is wearing high top sneakers instead of boots this time, making Tenzō wonder if Kakashi actually has multiple pairs of shoes. He clearly has at least two. The mask annoyed Tenzō though, black with a random white star to the top left, paralleling his shirt stripe, just below Kakashi’s bad eye. It feels like he just wears the masks as a fashion statement now, but he kind of already did that in high school.

To be honest, he looks nice for such a plain outfit. Tenzō is admittedly jealous. He knows he can only look that good in an outfit like that if he tries hard and it has to be on his good days. He feels extremely underdressed and wishes he could run back and change. He sported blue gym shorts and a white t-shirt with low top sneakers. He could have probably put on pants, but it’s too late to really fret about it.

“I figured what we are going to talk about deserved to be said face to face.” Kakashi states and glances toward the open spot on the bench, almost hinting that he wants the younger man to sit.

“Well, what are we going to talk about?” Tenzō stays planted where he is. He is standing a good few feet away, and completely fine not sitting down.

“I assumed you have questions. I planned to answer anything you wanted to know.” Arrogance dripped off every word when he said that. Tenzō rolls his eyes. Of course, he has questions, but Kakashi did not have to say it that way.

“Okay, fine. Rin. Is she fine with you talking to me?” He needs to know if she is still in the picture, because he already had the resolve to drop Kakashi just as he was years ago if she is still around. Petty? Yes. Did Tenzō really care? No.

“Rin?” Kakashi squints. It is impossible to tell if he is annoyed or confused. Tenzō settles to assume both.

“Yes. Rin. Are you still dating her? You made it clear that you didn’t want me around because you were with her.” Anger is seeping out as he speaks. He thought he let go of all this frustration, but apparently not.

“Mmm, nope. She dumped me years ago. I haven’t talked to her since.” Kakashi sinks into the bench a little. He barely showed any reaction to Tenzō’s irritation. He actually appears really calm.

Tenzō has to pause for a moment letting the information sink in. He feels foolish letting his emotions run wild like that, and even worse knowing he no longer has a good reason to feel the way he did.

“She broke up with you?” He asks dumbly, not able to cover up his shock. Kakashi just hums in response. His own way of saying ‘yes’ without actually having to talk. Tenzō recognizes it, remembering how annoyed he would get back in high school when Kakashi would do that. It really is not that difficult to say ‘yes’. It’s just one syllable. “Why did she break up with you?” His only assumption is the fact Kakashi cheated on her with him, but she still might not even know that. If she didn’t, he really had no idea what could cause her to dump him. He knows there was a time in his life where he believed Kakashi was perfect, before he knew everything. If she didn’t know... then it didn’t make sense.

“She told me it was because she didn’t like a long-distance relationship. I went to ANBU state, and she stayed here.” Kakashi said this in an odd tone. Like he didn’t believe the words he said.

“She told you that?”

“Yeah, that’s what she said.” His disbelief sounding clearer now.

“You sound like you don’t believe her.”

“After she broke up with me, she started dating Obito in the same week. I’m pretty sure she just wanted to be with him.” He looks bothered as if he hasn’t let go of what happened with Rin. Was this why he hasn’t talked to Obito? Tenzō feels sorry for Kakashi for a moment. Only a moment.

He remembers again that Kakashi cheated on her, he shouldn’t feel bad for the guy. He deserved it.

“Why do you look like you care so much? You cheated on her, didn’t you?” Tenzō spat, his frustration coming right back. Kakashi’s eyes widen, not hiding his surprise with the statement, but that expression only lasts about two seconds. His silver eyebrows knit together and his eyes contort into an obvious look of anger... no, this is more... it’s absolute rage.

Tenzō blinks and Kakashi is standing in front of him, only inches away. He gasps not expecting the older man to stand up so quickly. It didn’t even seem human. He recalls how short he used to be to Kakashi, but now they’re eye level with each other. Somehow, even if the older man no longer had an advantage in height, he still feels menacing.

Tenzō takes a small step back as his confidence drains out of him. As angry as he was, he thought he could probably take on Kakashi if they were to exchange blows, but now, he was not so sure that he would even dare want to do such a thing. His old friend has gotten in his share of fights in high school, Tenzō knows he is outnumbered in experience.

“I didn’t cheat on Rin.” Kakashi states. It was so cold. Tenzō realizes he pushed a button he shouldn’t have, but it still didn’t make sense to him. How did he not cheat on Rin? They were dating when he was messing around with Tenzō. That’s the literal definition of cheating. Was the guy’s judgment just clouded? Somehow, this pissed Tenzō off more. Why the hell is Kakashi still lying?

“Then what do you call it when you’re dating her and messing around with me? Because I am pretty sure that is called cheating.” He steps forward, closing the gap between them and trying his hardest to appear bigger than he is. He almost wanted Kakashi to punch him, so Tenzō could fight him. It would give him a reason to finally get back at him for the shit that happened. If it meant beating each other up, then so be it. He is angry. He didn’t care anymore.

“I will say it again. I didn’t cheat on her.” Kakashi leans in, bumping himself into Tenzō lightly. They look like two hot headed birds puffing their chest up in a way to appear stronger than the other. To look better. It is almost embarrassing.

“Then what the fuck were you doing with me?” He is practically begging for Kakashi to throw the first punch. Tenzō wanted to kick his ass and it was a long time coming. If Kakashi hit him first, he can just say it was self defense even though he knows damn well he wanted to fight.

“I wasn’t dating her when I was messing around with you. Get your facts straight.” Kakashi deflated a little. Barely noticeable, but Tenzō could see it in his eyes. He didn’t want to believe it. Was he really not dating Rin during that time? No, it didn’t make sense.

“You said I was a mistake. What the fuck was that?” He isn’t backing down yet. He needed to know the truth.

“She wanted to get back with me before prom. You made everything really complicated.” Kakashi’s gaze was like steel, his anger still burning even if it wavers.

“Oh, _I_ made everything really complicated!?” He yells this time. That just ticked him off more. He shoves Kakashi away causing him to stumble back a bit. “That’s... that’s... rich coming from you! You were the one who kissed me first! You act like you didn’t like it!”

He can see students out of the corner of his eye looking as they pass by. He forgot he is on campus and there are still classes past seven at night. He can get kicked out of school if he starts a fight. If only they met at a park or something, but no, he is standing near a school bench yelling his head off.

“Can you calm down!?” Kakashi is back in his face again. Tenzō pushes him away once more, this time with less force now that he is aware of people around.

“Why are you telling me to calm down? I don’t get what the hell happened back then! You were my best friend and you just... dropped me like you didn’t even care! Did I even matter to you!? Was I just some toy until you got Rin back!?” He could feel tears prick at his eyes. Tenzō did not want to cry, but as far as his life goes, he rarely gets what he wants. He is still brimming with anger, he did not quite understand why he is so close to crying.

“Tenzō... of course, you matter! Why do you think I’m standing here right now? Just to fuck your life up again?”

“Yes!” Tenzō yells this, not letting Kakashi continue. Damn right he thought Kakashi is there to ruin his life all over again. He did not trust him in the slightest.

Kakashi groans and drops onto the bench. He runs his fingers through his hair in frustration. His hands are obviously shaking, and Tenzō could see it more so when Kakashi held his hand in his mess of hair.

“I’m sorry, okay! I messed up. I messed up a lot.” Kakashi leans forward, pressing his elbows into his knees. He slides his face into his hands in defeat. Tenzō did not know how to react. He isn’t done yelling. He had intended on screaming all night to be honest. Kakashi can’t just fall apart that quickly.

“Then explain everything. Don’t say vague shit either. I need to know what happened from start to finish.” A tear slides down his cheek as he made this request. He brushes it away quickly before Kakashi would see. He did not want to fall apart either. They’re in public for God’s sake. He would never live it down.

“Okay, can you sit down and try to cool off first?” Kakashi still held his face in his hands, he must have the balls of his hands just above his mouth so he could speak. Tenzō takes in a deep breath and exhales, and he finally sits down. It grows quiet between them for a few minutes. They both try to calm down, taking in even breaths.

“I think... I’m ready for whatever you have to say.” Tenzō mumbles, now mimicking the same sitting position Kakashi has been in. He had his face in his hands probably for a different reason though. He could not fight his tears anymore, and he would rather die than let Kakashi see him cry.

“Rin and I dated for three years, and she broke up with me the summer before my last year of high school. We broke up before I met you.” He could hear Kakashi shift. He must have sat up. “So, I did not cheat on her with you. When I was with you, she was not in the picture at all.”

“You’re not lying?” Tenzō chokes out trying his hardest to cover his crying. He feels the weight of what he believed for so long slowly slide off of him. It was a type of release he wanted for so long. He honestly never thought he would ever know what happened. The truth he believed is so ingrained in his mind though that he still has some difficulty understanding everything.

“I’m not lying. I promise. It would be hard to date her when I gave you all of my time. I spent every single day with you.” Kakashi did have a point. They spent every morning together and after school, they were together until one of them had to go home. Even then, they would be on the phone all night. It was a miracle they got any of their homework done. The more Tenzō thought about it, the more sense it made. Rin really couldn’t have been in the picture. So, how did they start dating again?

“If she wasn’t around... how did you guys get back together?” He sniffles. His tears finally stopped flowing, but now his nose is running. Kakashi probably already knows he is crying. Tenzō is silently thanking the man for not pointing it out.

“She talked to me before prom asking if we could try again. I still loved her. I couldn’t bring myself to say no.” Kakashi sighs. “I know I probably shouldn’t have said yes to her because of everything going on with us, but I missed her.” Tenzō sniffles again but it felt harder to breathe that time. It hurt actually. He honestly did not need to hear that last part. To be fair, he did not want to hear anything once Kakashi admitted to loving her.

“Oh,” he forces a word out. Why did it hurt so much? It’s been years. Why did he even still care?

“I’m really sorry about everything, Tenzō. I mean it.” Tears prick at his eyes again. Trying to dismantle all this anger he held on to for so long is overwhelming. He knows he could crumble at any moment, but he needs to hear everything. He needs this.

“Why did you say I was a mistake?” He knows he already asked this and he did not like the previous answer, but hopes maybe Kakashi will change what he says now that they aren’t screaming at each other. This question has weighed on his mind since the very second it was uttered. Remembering it can still make him tear up at times. He hated Kakashi for what he said. It made him feel so inadequate for so long. It made him… miserable.

“I... didn’t mean it. When you said you loved me back then, I got scared.” He hears Kakashi breathe out loudly. Kakashi must also be struggling keeping himself composed. Tenzō is not going to check to make sure though. “I loved Rin, but when you said that... I wanted to say it back. I loved you too.” Tenzō snaps his head up, completely aware of his tears falling. He did not believe his ears. It was as if somehow looking at Kakashi would make him believe it more. It didn’t. Kakashi had returned to his previous sitting situation of his face buried in his hands.

“You loved me? Then why did you say I was a mistake? I don’t get it.” He can feel his anger coming back, but not nearly as strong as it was earlier. His head is beginning to ache, and he is not sure if it is because of him crying or just him being so mad.

“I got scared.”

“You said that already.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Tenzō. I loved you and I loved Rin, but I was dating her. I couldn’t just keep doing what I was doing with you. I figured pushing you away would be the best for all of us.” Kakashi finally drops his hands into his lap and he sits up. They still did not meet each other’s gaze though.

“Was it best? Do you think it was?” This question did not hurt as much as Tenzō expected it would after saying it. Maybe it was best, and he struggled to see it that way.

“I don’t know. I left to ANBU State. I don’t think it would have been best if I dated you instead. You would have wasted all of high school with a guy who was not even around.” Kakashi slowly looks over at Tenzō. He looks tired, more than the usual tired. Judging by the bags under his eyes that Tenzō failed to notice before, he must have not been sleeping that much. Was he not able to sleep because of this conversation? Was he that worried?

“I guess you have a point, but we could have still been friends.” Tenzō wipes his face with the back of his hand trying to clean himself up a little.

“Do you think we can be friends now? Or is it too late?” Kakashi’s eyes shined. He looks teary eyed, but his cheeks are dry. Seems he was able to keep himself more composed than Tenzō after all.

They sit in silence again. Tenzō did not know how to answer Kakashi’s question. He wants to be friends. He wants that a lot, but he is scared. More than scared, he is downright terrified. He does not want to fall in love with Kakashi again, and that is quite possibly one of his biggest fears. Love. It hurt so much before. If Kakashi hurt him again, he does not think he will heal this time around. He had to find some way of having a friendship without falling in love, but he knows it will be difficult. It could be easy to fall into their old habits, but maybe... just maybe... they won’t.

“You don’t have to say yes. I won’t be mad if you don’t want to be my friend.” Kakashi spoke again, but his voice shook this time. He says he won’t be mad, but Tenzō already knows this. The older man would most likely be hurt more than anything, but he might deserve it. He might need to know what it’s like to be hurt, but Tenzō did not want that.

“No, we can try to be friends. That’s it though. Just friends. Nothing more.” He has to draw a line in the sand at the start if he truly wants this. And boy, did he want this.

“Just friends.” Kakashi repeats and nods. He understood. Tenzō holds out his hand and Kakashi grips it, shaking it lightly to show their agreement. It is a start. This does not mean everything is fixed, but they both want to try and that is what mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay chapter 3 up. I wanted this up earlier, but oh well lol. Chapter 4 will update next Thursday. Hope you guys enjoy!


	4. Goodnight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Pharah from Overwatch killed Iruka and that is her quote  
> *deathcam is showing how you died from the killer’s POV  
> *Pokérap song is an old song from Pokémon

_“Good morning, boys!” Sakumo swung the door open to Kakashi’s room. Tenzō was sleeping on the floor while Kakashi was in bed. Both boys groan at the sudden yelling. Kakashi more so than Tenzō though._

_“Dad, it’s seven in the morning on a Saturday!” Kakashi pulled the blanket over his head. He was a morning person, but he truly hated waking up earlier than he wanted to. If he planned to wake up at eight, he would be angry waking up even a minute before._

_“I made breakfast though. Come on, you two!” Sakumo flicked the light on, causing Tenzō to pull the blankets over his head too. “You don’t want to make your old man eat alone, do you!?”_

_“Dad, why are you awake this early!?” Tenzō could hear movement on the bed. Kakashi must have sat up._

_“Because I have a surprise for you two, so get up. We have to be on the road soon.” That peaked Tenzō’s interest. He slid the blanket off of him and sat up to look at the man positively beaming at them._

_“Where are we going?” Kakashi asked while swinging his legs off the bed._

_“The surprise might start with amusement and end with park.” Sakumo crossed his arms, his smile stretching even wider. It almost looked like it hurt. Hell, it might considering how excited he looked._

_“Wait, seriously? Tenzō can go too?” Kakashi hopped off his bed and was standing in front of his dad in an instant. Tenzō could feel their excitement resonating off of them as if it was some type of aura._

_“Yep, I called his guardian, and he allowed it. Tenzō is part of the family now. I didn’t want to go without him.” Sakumo was smiling at Tenzō now. “Okay, boys, eat and we can head out.” The man bounded out the door without any protests._

_The boys stared at the doorway for a good minute without saying anything. Tenzō had never been to an amusement park, so he was actually quite nervous. But at the same time, he was ecstatic to be able to go somewhere with Kakashi. He got up off the floor and stood next to his friend._

_“Excited?” Tenzō poked Kakashi’s shoulder. The older boy quickly turned making them look directly at each other. Kakashi was grinning from ear to ear. He probably was the most excited person in the entire house._

_“Yes!” Kakashi nodded with enthusiasm. “I’m glad you get to go with us.” Tenzō wished he could photograph this look. This happiness that just radiated off Kakashi. He could probably swim in this feeling for the rest of his life. It was then that Tenzō realized he had fallen in love. This was not just some small crush. This was something different entirely. He loved Kakashi, and it was the greatest feeling in the world._

———

“So, you guys are friends now?” Iruka asks while sitting on his bed, just a bit off to the side of their TV. His eyes stay on the screen, and his hands occupied by his gaming controller.

“I suppose so. I don’t think I really forgave him, but I guess I am going to give him another chance.” Tenzō watches Iruka play while talking.

“Well, good for you. Hopefully, things will be better this time around.” Iruka would probably say more if it was not for the fact that he is in the middle of a game. His focus is only so good when multitasking.

“Justice rains from above!*” A woman’s voice yells from the TV.

“Are you serious!?” Iruka yells at the screen while watching his death cam* on how he died. Tenzō checks the time and notices he should probably just head to class instead of watch his friend rage at a video game. This game in particular is usually the one that put Iruka in a foul mood anyway.

“I’m going to head to class.” Tenzō slings his backpack onto his shoulder. Iruka just nods at him. Probably not willing to be distracted again.

With that, he makes his journey to class. He always says journey because the dorms are inconveniently far from all of the classroom buildings. If he hurries, he can reach this particular class in ten minutes, but it could take him longer than twenty if he takes his time. Still, it was better than having to park, that could take way longer.

He takes double steps down the stairs of the dorm building to quicken his pace. He is not running late, but this is the lecture hall where he likes his middle seat. He is not going to risk losing his spot. His shoes hit the winding sidewalk and he starts speed walking towards his class. He forgot to pull his earbuds out, so he keeps his head down slightly. Every time, without fail, when he forgets his music, someone notices him and wants to talk to him. He does not mind on some days, but it has become quite annoying when he wants to get to class.

Tenzō takes a sharp turn, walking in between two of the classroom buildings. The space was much larger and less students are around, so he prefers walking around instead of through. He used to think walking through would be the shorter path, but now, having a year of college experience, he knows walking around means less people and he can walk as fast as he wants. He keeps his quick pace, pulling his backpack closer to himself so it won’t bounce as much.

His mind spaces off for a bit while he continues his walk. It has been a couple of days since that night. They texted quite a bit now, but things still felt off. Tenzō could not quite place a finger on it, but he knew things are different. He should not have expected things to be the same though. He is not the same kid from before, he’s a man now, and so is Kakashi. Tenzō hates to admit it, but they are adults now and they acted like it.

He looks up for a moment and catches a flash of gray in the distance. Tenzō stops abruptly and focuses on what he thinks he might have just saw. Someone is sitting on a bench probably about fifty yards away, their hair a distinctly familiar silver. It can’t be. No way. Kakashi had no reason to be on campus. He does not attend this university. Was Kakashi following him?

Tenzō contemplates on getting a closer look. He has about ten minutes of wiggle room if he dares to see why the hell Kakashi is here. He sighs. Curiosity is winning right now. Head to class or question Kakashi? Question Kakashi. He makes his way over to the man who has not looked at Tenzō yet. When he got closer, he notices a very animated woman talking to Kakashi.

She honestly looks intense. Like the type of woman who can chew a man up and spit him out, and then laugh. Everything about her intimidated him. He almost stopped walking the second he noticed her presence, but he continues marching toward Kakashi. His eyes still drag towards her, praying her personality is different from what her outfit said about her. Her combat boots, ripped short shorts, and shirt with bold font text that read ‘FIGHT ME’ put him a little on edge.

“Oh, Tenzō. Hi,” Kakashi’s eyes crinkle into a smile. His outfit still breathtaking no matter what he did. Today, a white shirt with a burgundy red button up undone over it and light blue faded jeans. His mask is black like usual but has the star to the left. The same mask from the other night. It is a simple outfit, but yet again, Tenzō feels underdressed. The woman standing in front of Kakashi openly sizes Tenzō up, looking him up and down. Her face is unreadable.

“What are you doing here?” He asks while pretending he did not see the woman check him out. He knows it wasn’t a good check him out either. She is clearly judging him, and he has no idea why.

“I go to school here? Just got out of class.” Kakashi raises an eyebrow. “Did I forget to tell you that I am a student here?” He most certainly did forget, but knowing Kakashi, he probably decided to neglect sharing that bit of information. It did not even quite make sense. If Tenzō is doing his math correctly in his head, Kakashi should have graduated college by now. He has to be pulling his leg.

“Yeah, you never told me.” Tenzō purses his lips together, still trying to calculate in what world how this situation makes sense.

“Who’s the kid?” The fierce woman asks, and her voice is completely what Tenzō expected. Confident and threatening.

“Oh yeah, you two don’t know each other. Anko, this is Tenzō. Tenzō, Anko.” Kakashi’s introduction is dry as ever, but it got the point across. Anko leans in close to Tenzō’s face, her expression blank until a wicked smile spreads across her features.

“You’re pretty cute.” She states without even batting an eye. Tenzō blinks at her. He did not quite expect that. He expected everything else so far, that this comment stumped him.

“Thank... you?” What else can he say? He is pulling blanks. He almost forgot how to say thank you for a good second. The girl backs away and moves her attention back towards Kakashi sitting on the bench.

“We still on for tonight? Asuma and Kurenai bailed though.” Anko asks, seeming to forget Tenzō is there.

“Gai has to work, so it seems it is just us left.” Kakashi sighs.

“Man, really?” She groans and looks back at Tenzō. She swings her arm around his shoulders and smiles at Kakashi. “We can take the cutie? Hey, Cutie, you have friends, right? Invite them too.”

“Uh,” Tenzō is still pulling blanks. How the hell did he end up in this situation? Invite who where? What the hell are they even talking about?

“We are going to a karaoke bar tonight. Do you want to go? You can invite... what was his name? Iruka?” Kakashi clarifies. He must have somehow understood Tenzō’s confusion. Maybe some of their old habits of being able to read each other did not die off.

“Oh, sure.” He almost kicks himself once those words slip out of his mouth. He did not want to agree to that. This woman scares the shit out of him, and he still really did not feel fully comfortable to spend time with Kakashi. He wanted baby steps, and a karaoke bar sounds like a damn leap.

“Good. I’ll text you where to go later.” Kakashi smiles, and Anko finally releases him. What did he just get himself into? Is this how he is going to feel every time he encounters Kakashi? To be fair, he has had this feeling before back in high school so he really should not be surprised, but it has been awhile. It might take him awhile to get used to it again.

Tenzō pulls his phone out to check the time. Five minutes until class starts. Shit.

“Oh, crap. I gotta head to class. I’ll uh... see you guys later?” He turns and runs off without bothering to hear if they said anything again. He did not want to be late. It probably did not matter much anyway if they did say something.

———

The karaoke bar was completely different from what Tenzō assumed. He thought it was basically a bar with an open mic, but it was actually one of those places where you go to a small room with a group of friends and select songs on a giant TV and play games. The rooms are not extravagant or anything either, just a table in the center, two booths that lined the wall, and a screen just below the TV to select songs. Of course, it was also still a bar in a way. It has a bar at the front where you order food, drinks, or alcohol. It is separate from the rooms as well. It is interesting though. He likes new experiences from time to time.

The thing that truly surprised him out of all of this is the fact that Iruka and Anko are getting along. Iruka usually fumbles over every word when talking to a girl, but he is acting completely normal around her. It is almost off putting. Almost. Tenzō figures he should not be too shocked though. The second anime and video games were mentioned, it looked like all the planets aligned for them. Not to mention the fact that apparently they have the same major, and both want to be teachers. If they don’t end up dating, they will most likely be good friends.

Those two are having the most fun actually. Anko kept challenging Iruka to ‘song battles’ and somehow an hour has passed with them going back and forth. Tenzō did not really want to get in the middle, he knows those two would beat him with any of these song games. They had five different ‘game’ modes along with just normal karaoke, but Iruka is a natural at any game. Seems Anko has a new rival.

The game modes are: song battle, duet duals, high score, percent perfect, and random challenge. Song battle is where each player, max up to 4, pick whatever song they want and try to get the highest score. This one everyone has to pick a different song. Duet duals is where two players have to sing the same song together and try to score higher than the other. High score is the most obvious, but every player has to do the same song and of course, get the highest score to win. Percent perfect is the only one not rated on points, but on how well you sing the song and gives a percent grade. Last but not least, random challenge is where the game chooses one of the previous four game modes and a random song.

They all sounded simple enough, but Tenzō would never dare touch random challenge. There are already a lot of songs for selection that he absolutely did not know. He is fine just sitting out. Besides, Kakashi has not made any attempt to want to sing either. It gave them an opportunity to talk, since the other two are preoccupied. If they tried hard enough, they could easily block out the singing a few feet away from them.

“They look like they are having fun.” Kakashi mutters while staring at Iruka and Anko. Those two had their backs to Tenzō and Kakashi, staring at the TV screen while they sang. It was not a song Tenzō recognized, so he has been ignoring them so far.

“It’s almost amazing.” Tenzō smiles, moving his gaze towards Kakashi. Kakashi still has the same outfit he had on earlier, but Tenzō decided to dress nicer. Tired of feeling out of place near his old... new friend. He decided to actually wear pants this time, not daring to be caught in gym shorts a second time around. He has on khaki jogger jeans with a black V-neck shirt, both of which actually belonging to Iruka. Tenzō had to beg Iruka to let him wear this outfit, but he really wanted to look nice in front of Kakashi and he liked Iruka’s style at times. He honestly thanked the heavens that Iruka wore somewhat baggier clothing that stretched, because they somehow fit Tenzō perfectly who had a slightly bigger build. Honestly, Iruka might not get these clothes back.

“Nice outfit, never pegged you for the type to wear a V-neck.” Kakashi is watching Iruka when he says this. Tenzō looks over at his friend to see he is wearing a white V-neck. Did Kakashi already figure it out?

“Haha, well, it’s been awhile. My style has changed.” Tenzō laughs awkwardly. Dammit.

“If Iruka is your boyfriend, you’re not doing a good job hiding it when you are wearing his shirt.”

“Huh?” Tenzō stares at Kakashi slack-jawed. He fully comprehended what was just said, but still. Huh? First off, Iruka is not his boyfriend. Second, how the hell did he know it’s Iruka’s shirt. At least he does not know about the pants.

“His clothes smell different from yours. You have a more earthy smell, but he smells like coffee. The shirt you are wearing smells like coffee.” Kakashi smiles. “So, that’s why I asked if you two are dating.” Tenzō continues to stare. He never really thought Kakashi paid attention. They have not even been around each other that much, how could Kakashi just remember what he smells like? Is earthy a bad smell?

“Oh.” He feels stupid. So much for impressing Kakashi if he automatically assumes Tenzō is dating another guy. Wait, why the hell is that even a problem? They made an agreement to just be friends.

“He’s not a bad looking guy, I suppose.” Kakashi appears to conclude that Tenzō is in fact dating Iruka. Which is not a fact.

“We aren’t dating.” Tenzō states dryly. Is it really that impossible to just have friends and not date them?

“Why are you wearing his shirt?” They make eye contact with each other for probably the first time in this conversation, and Tenzō feels embarrassment wash over him. He cannot just simply state that he is wearing Iruka’s clothes to impress Kakashi. That did not even make sense in his head. Why was it the only logical thing to do earlier?

“I... uh... wanted to look good in front of you.” Lying would get him nowhere so admitting it shamefully sounded a lot easier than to make up some weird story that he probably will mess up somewhere along the way. Does not change that he hated admitting it. He grumbles and scoots away a few inches. Somehow, that put him in a bad mood, and he did not want to know Kakashi’s reaction to what he had just said. He already knows that reaction will most likely either be some type of mock teasing that he loathes by the way, or Kakashi just straight up laughing which is just as bad.

“Look good in front of me?” Kakashi echoes him sounding genuinely confused. Okay, that would be the third reaction that Tenzō did not want, because now he is even more embarrassed. He at least wished Kakashi understood, but to be fair, Tenzō did not understand his own behavior. Why is he going out of his way to try to impress the guy if they agreed they were only going to be friends? He does not have a good enough excuse to back him out of the situation he created.

“Yeah, I wanted to look nice. You always... uh...” Tenzō pauses unsure of where he was even going with this. Before he can say anything else, Kakashi starts laughing. Ah, there’s the second reaction. At least Tenzō was not entirely wrong with what he expected.

“You’re cute.” Kakashi nudges Tenzō and moves closer to him. “You know I was worried that you changed, but no, you’re still the cute Tenzō I remember. Except maybe minus the long hair and add a growth spurt.” And there’s the mock teasing. It is very Kakashi of him to somehow manage all three reactions.

“How did I know you were going to react that way?” Tenzō groans as Kakashi continues to laugh lightly.

“I suppose I have not changed too much either?”

“Nope, you’re still a jerk.”

“Aw, come on, Tenzō. I’m not that bad.”

“It’s like I somehow already am in your mess. I got dragged here because of you. I could be back at my dorm right now.” He scoots a few inches away again just to be petty also because he is slightly annoyed.

“Admit it, you would rather be here. Look, even your friend is having fun.” Kakashi’s eyes flicker towards Iruka and Anko doing a duet dual. Tenzō almost forgot they are there.

“Venomoth, Poliwag, Nidorino, Golduck,” Iruka bounces while he sang... rapped? His ponytail is slightly falling out. The guy honestly looks like he is getting a workout from this. Maybe he is just that excited.

“Ivysaur, Grimer, Victreebel, Moltres,” Anko bounces in sync with Iruka, her ponytail also falling out. Tenzō watches them for a moment, automatically knowing exactly what song they are dualing for. He sighs. It has been years since he heard this song, he could not believe the karaoke bar even had it.

“They are singing the Pokérap song*...” Tenzō mumbles, his eyes still glued to the bouncing pair before him.

“Amazing,” Kakashi chuckles. He must find it more amusing than Tenzō does.

“I always got strung along with the stuff you wanted to do. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you would still do it.” Tenzō frowns for a moment, but replaces it with a soft smile. “Sometimes I really enjoyed going along with your plans.”

“I enjoyed that you would come along. Even if it was just dumb stuff like getting candy at the store.” Kakashi’s posture relaxes slightly. Tenzō scoots back causing their thighs to press together. His heart flutters at the sudden contact, but he refuses to move his leg back. Maybe being just friends was a bad idea.

“Your dad was like that too. I remember he would always invite me on your family trips. Camping. Amusement parks. It was nice that you two included me so much.” Tenzō feels Kakashi tense up. He looks at Kakashi and can tell something is off now. Did he say something wrong?

“Yeah, uh I am going to go get a drink. I’ll be right back.” Without another word, he was out of the room leaving Tenzō staring at the door in a daze. Something is clearly wrong, but what?

“Looks like I win this one, Iruka!” Anko announces and Iruka sighs, but a smile stays planted on his features.

“We can do a rematch when I come back? I’m going to go use the restroom.” Iruka high fives her which she initiated.

“Alright, hurry up.” She smirks at him and he slips out of the room leaving Anko and Tenzō alone. For a minute, neither of them speaks. Anko resigns to scrolling through the song selections with her back to him. Tenzō is staring down at his lap, his thoughts running wild. He could not figure out what just happened with Kakashi, and he is worrying more and more with every passing second.

He drags his gaze up to Anko. Maybe she will know. It would not be dumb to ask, right? If she does not know, then well, he would just have to ask Kakashi. He did not know what to particularly ask though. He goes over what he said again and something clicks this time. He mentioned Kakashi’s dad. His worries amplify tenfold, was there something wrong with Sakumo?

“Hey, Anko... can I ask you a question?” She looks back at him, making eye contact with him.

“What?”

“Did something happen with Kakashi’s dad?” He asks as he tries to read her expression. Her eyes soften and she looks away.

“You didn’t know? Kakashi’s dad killed himself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I enjoyed this chapter. I really want to put more little references to other things to keep up the whole Tenzo and Iruka are gamers. Also I made a post on tumblr asking when to post chapter 5 because I will be going on a week long vacation next week. I decided to post it Monday, the day before I leave, so early chapter next week. Chapter 6 will stay on schedule and be posted on the 23rd.


	5. Learn to Trust

_Kakashi lied down on the couch and smiled up at Tenzō who stood awkwardly in the middle of the living room. Kakashi thrusted his arms out and his smile turned into a toothy grin. Tenzō blushed, completely understanding what his friend wanted. Cuddling on the couch was not something he was particularly against, but the fear of Kakashi’s dad showing up weighed on his mind._

_“Don’t want to?” Kakashi relaxed his arms slightly but still held them out. He  
probably was not willing to give up until Tenzō said no._

_“I do, but what about your dad?” His face burned when he asked this. They somehow kept this secret for a good few months, but they have almost gotten caught on numerous occasions. Tenzō was not sure how long they could keep this up._

_“He’s not home. It’s fine, right?” Kakashi dropped his arms a little again._

_“What if he comes home?” He knew his will was starting to give out, but he needed some reassurance that everything will be fine. Once he is convinced, he would be completely willing to jump into Kakashi’s arms without hesitation. Hell, he probably could already, but his resolve would not let him._

_“He won’t be home for another hour. Don’t worry.” Kakashi sat up, finally lowering his arms to his lap. “I’ll keep an eye on the time.” This was not as comforting as Tenzō wanted it to be, but he settled for it. His longing to just lie down with Kakashi won out._

_“Okay, if you say so...” He sighed, trying to act as if he did not just melt to anything that boy said. Honestly, Kakashi could say the sky is green and Tenzō would probably agree. He was completely under Kakashi’s spell and he was very much aware of it. That did not quite mean he planned to change that fact though._

_“So...” Kakashi’s cheeks turned a light shade of red and he held his arms back out. Maybe Tenzō was not the only one under a spell._

_“You are cute,” Tenzō giggled and crawled onto the couch. He curled into Kakashi’s arms, accepting the cuddling he has been wanting all along._

_“I’m not cute.” Kakashi whined and wrapped his arms around him. They lied there quiet for a few minutes just holding each other. At moments like these, Tenzō always felt like time stood still._

_“You are though.” Tenzō scooted up a little, easing himself closer to Kakashi to try to hint that he wanted a kiss. He got the hint very clearly, and drew Tenzō in closer letting their lips meet._

_A clicking noise from the door froze them in place, and the door was open before they could even jump. Tenzō’s heart dropped and he pushed himself up to look at the perpetrator who interrupted them. Sakumo stood at the entrance with his eyes so wide his eyebrows nearly shot up to his hairline. They were caught red handed, and nothing in the world seemed like the right thing to do in this moment. None of the three even spoke or moved, but Tenzō’s mind was definitely active._

_He had already jumped to billions of different conclusions of how this could end, and almost all of them scared him. He nearly started crying because of how terrified he was. What if Sakumo forbid him to see Kakashi? What if he was never allowed over anymore? What if the man started yelling at him?_

_What if he told Tenzō’s father about this? He already knew his father would disown him if he ever found out he liked boys, and the mere thought of that man knowing made a tear glide down his cheek._

_“Tenzō, are you crying?” Kakashi’s voice penetrated his thoughts, forcing his body to finally catch up. Tenzō jumped up off the couch and his mouth was moving before he could stop himself._

_“Please don’t tell my dad! He’ll kill me! Please don’t!” Tenzō screamed and more tears broke free from his eyes. He was in a downright panic. He could not let this be found out. He would rather die._

_“Tenzō, calm down. I’m not going to tell your dad. It’s fine.” Sakumo held out his hands gently and inched closer to the screaming boy. It was clear that he was worried about Tenzō._

_“Don’t tell him please!” Tenzō begged more, not fully processing anything being said to him. He almost screamed again, but was caught off guard by Sakumo hugging him._

_“It’s okay. I won’t tell him. I promise.” Sakumo pulled Tenzō closer to him letting the boy sob into his shirt._

_“Dad...” Kakashi spoke from the couch. He still remained in the same spot, but he was no longer lying down and more in an upright position._

_“You boys still have a lot to explain, but that can wait.” Sakumo said this in an even tone. No hint of anger at all. This soothed Tenzō enough to stop him from crying._

———

A few days have passed since Tenzō’s karaoke adventure and finding out about Sakumo passing. It was grueling to try and pretend he didn’t know about Kakashi’s father when the man had came back to karaoke. The night did not quite feel right after that. Kakashi seemed more distant than ever, and Tenzō was inwardly mourning. He actually spent that night crying quietly to himself after Iruka had fallen asleep. Sakumo was one of the first people who made Tenzō feel comfortable with who he is and his sexuality. It was soul shattering to find out that one person who made his life a little bit better commit suicide.

He never brought it up to Kakashi though, but it really wore him down. Sakumo was very kind to him when he was young, so it was hard. He never expected such a thing to ever happen. He wanted to know more, like how Kakashi is doing with all this or why it happened. He almost brought it up a couple of times, but found himself not wanting to. He never felt there was a right time to ask such a thing, and partly wondered if Kakashi did not want him to know. He supposed something like this was probably best to just wait for when his friend was ready to talk about it. Tenzō had to admit though, he felt bad already knowing and to have been told by someone else. It made him feel like he had an uncomfortable secret on his shoulders.

Knowing this sometimes made things difficult. He wanted to avoid bringing up anything from the past, but the more he did not talk about their old life, the more strain he felt between them. It made him notice little differences more. Their relationship was not quite like how it was back in high school where it took only a few seconds for a text response. Tenzō felt a tad foolish expecting somehow they would get that back when he is completely aware that he just cannot text all the time. Kakashi’s texts were still quicker than his though, so he did not want to complain.

Sadly, almost all of their conversations so far don’t really let Tenzō know anything new. He still has no idea why Kakashi is not going to ANBU State. He does not know where the man works or where he lives. He knows he should probably just ask these questions, but he hoped maybe he would just find out as he goes. Unfortunately, his patience is withering away with each day that passes.

Maybe today he can work up the courage to ask more questions. Kakashi wanted to meet up at a little corner café so this probably was his best opportunity. Not particularly private, but beggars can’t be choosers.

Tenzō nestles into a far corner table of the café with a hot chocolate. He is aware this place was known for their coffee, but he did not care for it. He preferred tea and was actually going to try one of their teas, but their hot chocolate had chocolate chips in it and that sounded too good to pass up.

The café is really cozy. He kind of liked that Kakashi would suggest to meet at such a place. It had a very modern aura to it, but also this feeling of being right at home. Though his favorite thing about this place was free WiFi and of course, he is going to abuse that until his friend arrives.

He skims through an app on his phone that had dumb videos and funny pictures which speeds up the time a little. Every once in a while, he glances towards the door hoping Kakashi would show up but thirty minutes have already passed. Tenzō tried to shrug it off because he was ten minutes early. He could not help but worry he might have gotten stood up though. He was unsure if that is the correct term if they are still on a friendly basis, but either way he did not want to sit here like a fool waiting for nobody.

He even went out of his way to put together the best outfit for this; it might break his heart if Kakashi does not show. Tenzō found a button up short sleeved pink shirt from the back of his closet and some nice gray shorts. He remembered the shirt being a tad looser before, but working out made the sleeves feel tighter around his biceps. He almost wished he had bought a new shirt but it’s too late for that. He just accepted that was the best he was going to get from his closet, and honestly, he did feel more confident wearing nicer clothing. He knows he looks good, and Kakashi will definitely regret what he missed out on. Of course, he wanted to outshine the man as well.

Tenzō chances a look at the entrance probably for the millionth time today, but this time the door opened. A slender woman wearing khaki capris and a loose fit black shirt walks in. Her ebony hair fit around her face perfectly and stopped just below her chin. She easily pulled Tenzō’s attention towards her without even trying. This woman did not doll herself up like some of the girls who have passed through the café while Tenzō has been in here, but she is definitely very cute to him. He was never one of those people to have a type per se, but he was definitely attracted to her.

He really wanted to strike up a conversation with her, but it has been quite a while since he flirted with a girl since most of his past relationships have been with men. Tenzō immediately concludes that he will probably fuck up somehow, so he sighs and withdraws back to his hot chocolate. He probably had no business to bother her anyway.

The woman sits down at the table next to his with her coffee in hand. She is even cuter up close. He does not want to stare, but he is completely aware he probably risked too many peeks at her. For a second though, he swears he saw her look at him, but when he checked, her head is already turned. His mind must be playing games with him.

Tenzō sees her glance at him from the side of his vision this time. He knows for sure she looked at him now. He finally turns to face her and her eyes flutter away from him. Does he say something now? He did not really think this far.

She smiles and faces him. She was not just cute, she is actually really pretty. Tenzō falters when his brain processes this new information. Man, she is definitely out of his league, but he feels it is already too late to back down. She is smiling at him, so he has to do something, right?

“H-Hi,” he nearly whispers, almost unaware the word had left his mouth. It was progress at least.

“Hi, I don’t think I have seen you here before. This café usually only has regulars. Sorry if I... creeped you out.” She blushes and Tenzō nearly knocks over his hot chocolate that he had no idea he was even holding.

“Creep me out? What? No way.” He stammers, releasing his death grip from his hot chocolate. He did not want to risk almost knocking it over again. “Yeah, this is the first time I have been here actually.”

“That would explain why I don’t recognize you. What brought you here? Their coffee really is to die for.” She takes a small sip of her coffee and positions her body to fully face Tenzō now.

“Oh, I’m meeting with someone here.” He almost forgot Kakashi. How long has he even been waiting? Forty minutes? The guy probably was not going to show up.

“So, a date? Coffee dates are cute.” She giggles. What she said stalled Tenzō’s brain though. Was this supposed to be a date? Considering the fact that he is chatting up this girl, he was really hoping what Kakashi wanted was not a date. That would be quite awkward.

“No, just meeting with a friend.” God, he really hopes this was not a date.

“Oh, I see. I’m sorry for assuming. You look cute. It’s a shame that it is not a date.” Is she flirting? Did she just say that? Is he imagining things?

“I... uh thank you. What... What brings you here other than you know the coffee?” Tenzō forces words out as he goes. He actually was very bad with flirting. Is he ever going to admit that to Iruka? Over his dead body. He would rather let his friend continue to believe that he’s a God when it came to picking up people.

“I’m a nurse. I work at the hospital across the street. I like to come in and get coffee here before my shift. The coffee there just never tasted as good as here.” Tenzō’s thoughts come to a halt when he absorbs the word ‘nurse’. He missed almost half of what she said after that. A nurse flirting with him sounded like some high-level boss that he is definitely not ready for. He most likely missed his save point somewhere.

“Oh, wow. A nurse. That’s cool.” He mentally kicks himself after saying this. How could he have not come up with literally anything else to say other than that? That’s cool. Really?

“I suppose. My name is Shizune by the way.” She holds out her hand to shake, and he takes it lightly. He shakes it for a couple of seconds, not really remembering to let go. She giggles and places her other hand on top of their hands, stopping them. “You don’t need to be so nervous.” Tenzō realizes this is her way to say ‘unleash my hand, please’ and quickly lets go.

“I... yeah, sorry. I’m Tenzō. Nice to meet you.” He really wished he had more experience with women because this is turning into a disaster. Maybe Kakashi can come in and save him if... he actually shows up.

Somehow though, Tenzō and Shizune hit it off rather well. They talked casually from separate tables until Shizune moved over to his table. Their conversation ranged from her career as a nurse and school for the first half. She is clearly a bright woman. He almost envied her. She already finished school and in the career she wants, whereas he is still undeclared for his major. He had a lot of things he enjoyed but never things that he wanted a career in. The things he liked are hobbies at best to him. Sure, some of them could become careers, but he did not want that. To be honest, he is not quite sure what he really wants. It worried him from time to time. The pressure of having to choose a career was almost crippling.

Eventually they got off the subject of their future, which eased some of Tenzō’s anxiety. Instead they brought up their likes and dislikes. Shizune loves nature, something Tenzō also cherishes. She likes to go hiking and take photographs, but she also enjoys going to botanical gardens. Tenzō makes a small note of these as great date ideas for later if he ever talks to her again.

He checks the time, noticing a whole hour has passed since he got there. Still no sign of Kakashi. It bothers him a little, but he is glad he found some company. The feeling of being stood up did not leave him though.

“Oh yeah, you were supposed to meet with a friend, right?” Shizune asks, also checking the time.

“Yeah, I don’t think they are going to show up though.” He frowns. He was tempted to text Kakashi and ask what was going on, but decided not to. He should probably leave before he makes an even bigger idiot of himself.

“Oh no. Did they say they were going to be late or anything?”

“No, I probably got stood up. No big deal.” He sighs. “At least I had the opportunity to talk to you.” They smile at each other. This is probably the perfect chance to ask for her number. He has to at least find something good from the situation he put himself into.

“Yeah, it was nice chatting with you. I actually need to head to work soon though.” Make that not just his best, but only chance to ask her.

“Do you think it’d be okay if... I got your number? Maybe we can come here again?” His face is red, he can feel it, but he did not want to chicken out now.

“Yeah, sure.” She pops her phone out and hands it to him to let him fill in his contact and he gives her his phone to do the same.

“Am I interrupting something?” The two both snap up looking at the source of the voice. Kakashi stood at the other end of the table glowering at them. If it was not for the fact that he looks so angry, Tenzō would have made a comment about Kakashi’s mask having a toothy grin printed on it. Shizune slides Tenzō’s phone back and smiles up at Kakashi.

“Oh, hi, Kakashi.” She sits up straighter when she says this. Tenzō blinks, confusion washing over him. Shizune knows Kakashi?

“Hey, Shizune.” Kakashi’s composure did not relax in the slightest.

“Gai has been blowing up the group chat. He wants you to call him.” Her smile fades a little. Tenzō takes this opportunity to hand Shizune back her phone.

“I have that on mute.”

“Well, call Gai when you have time.” She stands and picks up her empty cup. “I really need to head to work. Nice meeting you, Tenzō. Text me sometime.” She grins at both of them and walks away, quickly trashing her cup on the way out.

Even though she had left, the atmosphere still feels tense. Tenzō was not sure what even just happened. All he knows is that Kakashi is angry. Why?

“I think I’m going to head out.” Kakashi states plainly already turning around to leave.

“What?” Tenzō watches him stunned. Why is Kakashi leaving when he just got here? Kakashi does not say a word and simply walks out of the café.

Tenzō is at his heels immediately without a second thought. Kakashi looks back at him with a clear expression of annoyance in his eyes, and that just burned Tenzō up. He was already confused and a tad worried, but now he is just pissed. He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. It was if his brain somehow forgot how to form words. He decides to throw his arms out in a frustrated matter knowing his point probably did not come across very well considering he did not have a clue of what to say.

“What?” Kakashi turns around and faces him. Tenzō could not fight his urge to roll his eyes.

“Why are you leaving?” He places his hands on his hips.

“Because I don’t want to be here anymore?” Kakashi says this in a way that it is if this is a matter of fact. It almost sounded like it made some sense. It really did not, but he sure is convincing for no reason at all. Tenzō almost accepted this answer, but almost does not mean he actually will.

“Why? You just got here!?” Tenzō raises his voice slightly while he tries to restrain himself from yelling. “I waited over an hour for you to show up.” Realizing this made his anger dissipate a tad. He is honestly sadder than words can describe. He dressed up, wore his best clothes and waited for Kakashi. Hell, he even styled his hair a little. He felt like a damn fool. He started his day excited for this, but he is disappointed now. It... hurt.

“I’m sure that hour wasn’t too bad flirting with Shizune.” Kakashi’s words feels like poison seeping into his chest. He did flirt with Shizune, but he did not think he did anything wrong. Kakashi and him are just friends, right?

“So... that is what this is about?” Tenzō lowers his head, his gaze fixing onto Kakashi’s shoes. Another pair he did not recognize, lace-less solid black vans. The guy really does have multiple pairs of shoes. Did he have that many back in high school?

“Are you going to ask her out on a date?” Why did it matter?

“I don’t know.”

“I don’t think I can do this.” Tenzō feels like time stopped. His heart plummets to the ground after those words sink in. Kakashi wants to leave him again and it is just as bitter as it was years ago. Tenzō did not understand what he did wrong for his old friend to do this to him, but a small piece of him loathed Kakashi for doing it again. That hatred easily birthed a new anger inside of him, and he can feel himself nearing the edge.

His emotions made him dance between pleading for Kakashi to stay and screaming at him til his face turned blue. He likes Kakashi, even after all these years. He did not want to admit it, but he knows falling for him will be inevitable. Where he stands now though, he has one foot dangling off a cliff while the other stays planted where it is. If he jumps, he might just lose Kakashi forever, and his mind somehow convinced himself that that was the equivalent of dying. He did not under any circumstance want to experience the pain he felt those years ago which is the reason why he remains on the edge without jumping.

“Maybe... maybe this was a mistake.” Tenzō whispers. The words slipped out with the same weight as a breath of air. Light and easy. He always imagined saying such a thing to be heavy like lead. He thought Kakashi saying the same thing was painfully difficult, but he sees now, it’s rather simple to admit to a mistake you truly believe you’ve made. He wished he never learned this. He would have rather gone his whole life not knowing how stupidly simple it is to push someone away. All you have to do is say the worst thing at the worst time and everything falls into place.

“So, that’s what it felt like.” Kakashi’s voice shakes which drags Tenzō’s attention back to him and away from his thoughts. “I really was cruel to you.”

“Are you just going to leave me again?” Saying this was like acid on his tongue. It was downright awful, but Tenzō did not want to hope for something that won’t happen. He did not want to come out and wait for Kakashi. He did not want to feel like they are only friends on certain days. If he was allowed into Kakashi’s life, he did not want to be there only when it was convenient. He was not quite sure where and when it happened, but he is deathly afraid to be used by this man again.

“I’m sorry I got mad at you. I got jealous, and I was... acting stupid.” Kakashi takes a step closer to Tenzō instead of walking away. Tenzō, on the other hand, keeps his eyes glued to those dumb laceless shoes. “We are just friends, and I have to get used to that.”

“Are you going to leave me again?” Tenzō repeats himself. As much as he wanted that apology, he really wanted an answer to that question. Kakashi can say sorry all he wants but it will not matter if he disappears again. He can see those black vans step forward again, and they stop uncomfortably close to him. Tenzō did not want to look at Kakashi. Not yet. His resolve will crumble if he does, and he knows he needs to keep himself sturdy.

“As long as you want me here, I promise I will stay.” Kakashi takes Tenzō’s hand and holds it gently. Somehow the gesture is stupidly comforting. Kakashi must have learned new moves that help him step straight into someone’s heart with little to no difficulty while they weren’t talking. The boy he remembered was never this suave. Dorky was probably the better word.

“Can you tell me why you were so late?”

“I can tell you, but I think I should show you.” Kakashi rubs his thumb along the back of Tenzō’s hand. “You will love it.”

“Will this make me not mad at you for being late?” Tenzō cracks a small smile and slowly looks up, his eyes meeting those mismatched eyes he knows so well. He already forgave Kakashi, but he kind of wanted to milk the situation a little longer.

“I think so.” Kakashi’s eyes crinkle upward, and Tenzō melts. It is a shame that he can’t actually see that beautiful smile hidden behind that hideous mask. That toothy grin plastered across it really started to bother him.

Come to think of Kakashi’s face, Tenzō has not seen what it looks like now. Surely age has changed it a little. Maybe his jawline is more defined, or possibly Tenzō’s weakness... stubble decorating that perfect face. Maybe he can ask Kakashi to take off that mask. It would not be entirely weird, right?

“Fine, show me.” He bites down on his cheeks to fight back his urge to smile back.

“Let’s go.”

————

They both drive to their destination in separate cars, but Kakashi parks ‘a few buildings away’ so Tenzō had no idea where they were actually going. Kakashi had took it upon himself to cover Tenzō’s eyes as they walked to their destination. They walked for maybe a minute if that until Tenzō hears a bell noise. A door bell? No, it sounded a tad different. He could not put a finger on it, but he is sure they are at the entrance.

“How long are you going to keep my eyes covered?”

“Just a bit longer.” Kakashi whispers in Tenzō’s ear sending chills down his spine. If Kakashi kept that up, he is not sure how much he could take. Tenzō is still extremely attracted to the man when he detached his emotions from it.

They take small steps forward into the mystery building and through a room... and then a hallway? They stop and Kakashi removes his hands, revealing a door. To say the least, Tenzō is not particularly impressed.

“Do I open the door?” He hesitates, wondering if he is jumping to the wrong conclusion.

“Yeah, go slow though. You’ll understand in a second.” That was enough to convince him to open the door. He grasps the doorknob and turns it slowly. For a moment, he wonders why he has to ‘go slow’ but he accepts the warning. He pushes the door open carefully and hears... scampering?

A chorus of meows penetrate his ears and thumping noises from cats jumping down from cat trees all around the room. He did not know where he is, but he quickly gathers he just stepped into a room full of cats. His eyes dance around, absorbing the setting around him. The room has shelves and bridges lining the walls where some cats run across excitedly. Cat trees of all kinds are scattered around the room in random spots. The windows have an opening similar to that of a box so the cats can sit outside.

This is just absolutely exhilarating to him. He has always loved cats, but never had the opportunity to own one himself. Their meowing made him feel so giddy, and a few of them have already started to rub up against his legs. He honestly cannot think of a situation more exciting than this.

“Welcome to the cat room. I remembered you like cats, so I wanted to show you this.” Kakashi squats down and a brown tabby hops onto his shoulder. “This little guy likes climbing on people so be careful.” Kakashi quickly reaches back and picks up the cat off his shoulders. The tabby reaches out towards his face barely nicking the mask. “I forgot he likes pulling my mask off.”

“C-Can I pick one up?” Tenzō stutters. He could barely contain himself. He feels a cat head bump his leg and he looks down to see a calico staring back.

“Yeah, you can. I don’t suggest the shy ones though. Picking them up freaks them out. That one is fine.” Kakashi points at the calico. That is all Tenzō needed to swoop up the cat into his arms. The calico immediately starts purring and rubs its head into his chest. He knows screaming out loud is completely inappropriate, but that did not really stop him from doing so internally. This is the best.

“Where are we?” More cats rub against him when he asks this. To be fair, the more cats giving him affection the more he did not care where he actually is. He is simply happy that he is here. Half of him wanted to sit on the ground just so all of the cats could climb on top of him. If he dies that way then so be it. It is a death worth having if it means being snuggled by multiple cats at once.

“An animal shelter. I was late because they needed an extra hand today. I do volunteer work, and I didn’t want to tell them no. I mean I can, but I enjoy it here.” Kakashi plops down on the ground and crosses his legs. The brown tabby he is holding sprawls across his shoulder again while two more cats waltz into his lap - one a brown Siamese and the other a gray tabby. “I’m sorry I was late. I really didn’t think it would take too long, and when I noticed the time I rushed all the way to the café without even texting you that I would be late.”

Even though Tenzō forgave Kakashi for being late without saying anything, he has forgiven him tenfold now for three reasons. One, this cat paradise is almost too good to be true. Two, he finally noticed Kakashi’s shirt that said ‘Volunteer’ in big white font on baby blue which really made Tenzō know the man is not lying to him. Three, Kakashi doing volunteer work at a cat shelter made his heart flutter. The man is drop dead gorgeous, but loving animals so much to volunteer at an animal shelter? Well, sometimes things are too good AND true, and Tenzō is A-Okay with that.

“I almost feel bad for being mad now.” He mutters sheepishly and the calico he is holding meows at him.

“It’s fine. I should have told you what was going on. Ready to go see the dogs?” Kakashi chuckles lightly as another cat comes crawling on top of him.

“There’s dogs too?”

“Yep!” The brown tabby paws at his mask and he tilts his head away. “Hey, stop.”

Tenzō tries to hold in his laughter as more cats start to climb onto Kakashi. Seems both cats and dogs love the man. If animals like him so much, maybe it was not entirely wrong for Tenzō to like him too. He did not want to admit it, but he could feel his heart heal a little today. Sure, he felt like an idiot earlier, but at the moment, he feels nothing but admiration and love towards Kakashi. Today is not so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ughhhhh I apologize that this chapter is not quite... great? I was kind of hitting a low point the past few weeks and this chapter feels so stiff to me idk. I rewrote it three times, and I just decided to just post it so I can move on to the next chapter. Chapter 6 is where the plot actually starts moving again, and this chapter was kind of filler? Will be important later on, but does not feel that way right now. Sorry again. I hope it is not as bad as I actually feel. :') OH YEAH before I forget, Please Stay is going to have 12 chapters instead of 11.


	6. Begin Again

_The walk home felt like an eternity and they were only half way home. Kakashi missed school today, but showed up to walk Tenzō home. He got into another fight, but he did not get suspended again. The older boy just missed school because he got hurt worse this time around. Tenzō still does not know the whole story for the last fight, and it bothered him that he was left in the dark... again._

_Kakashi walked on the left side of the sidewalk with Tenzō to his right so that his good eye could still see the younger boy. He had two black eyes and his bad eye is swollen shut. That already showed this fight was worse than the last, but what really proved it was the fact that Kakashi had broken his left arm. He might even graduate with a cast. Hopefully that fight was worth it._

_“So, you going to tell me what happened this time?” Tenzō stopped and Kakashi continued walking past him. “Is that a no?” Kakashi froze._

_“I’m not in trouble, so it doesn’t matter.” Kakashi turned around and looked at him. The ugly purple made it painful to look him in the eyes._

_“Why did you get in another fight?” Tenzō took a step forward. “I want to know what’s going on.”_

_“It’s nothing you need to worry about.” That did not suffice. Tenzō wanted an actual answer, and he was beginning to get a little annoyed._

_“What happened, Kakashi? Why won’t you tell me?” Tenzō asked, hoping rewording his question a different way will make the older boy budge._

_“It doesn’t matter. The guys who jumped me got expelled.” Kakashi slipped a tad more information. Sadly, Tenzō did not like what he heard. He thought Kakashi got in a fight with one person, but he got jumped? Kakashi also said ‘guys’ so plural, as in more than one. How many did this to him?_

_“Please tell me what happened. No vague stuff.” Tenzō pleaded one last time. He was worried, and he couldn’t really take much more._

_“I really don’t want you to know. Please, Tenzō, don’t make me tell you.” Kakashi lowered his head and let his shoulders drop. He looked defeated, but he somehow kept the answers away from Tenzō._

_“Why is it so bad? Will it make me mad at you? Is that it?” Tenzō took large steps toward the older boy and stopped in front of him. He ducked down to make Kakashi look at him. “We are friends, right? You can trust me.”_

_Those words broke a dam inside Kakashi. Tenzō could see it clearly when the boy unhinged in front of him and it was painful. He looked absolutely broken and it ripped Tenzō’s heart to pieces to watch. Kakashi’s shoulders shook, but his eyes remained dry._

_“Tenzō, I... am sorry.”_

_“Why are you sorry?”_

_“The reason I got in the first fight was because a guy calling you names. It started with him picking on me, but then he brought up you. At first, I didn’t know who he was talking about until he said...” Kakashi took in a shaky breath. “You know, you don’t need to know the full details. He just mentioned the kid I walk home with.”_

_“Did he insult me?” Tenzō asked, already knowing the answer._

_“He called you something, and I just... my vision went red and next thing I know Obito and Gai are pulling me off of him.” Kakashi laid his head on Tenzō’s shoulder. “I really don’t want to think about it.”_

_“What did he call me?” Tenzō placed his hand on the back of Kakashi’s head and pet his hair comfortingly. The gesture felt natural for him to do, and he could tell Kakashi relaxed a little from it._

_“No,” Kakashi whispered. Tenzō wanted to know what it was, but he accepted this. It was probably for the best._

_“Okay, you don’t have to tell me... What happened for you to end up like this though?”_

_“The guy I fought got all of his friends with him and they held me down and beat me up in the bathroom when I was alone.” Kakashi mumbled mostly, but Tenzō still understood him. His blood ran cold hearing this. He did not want to imagine Kakashi being helpless and hurt. The thought honestly killed him. He wanted to protect Kakashi, but he knows he can’t and that’s what made it worse. He could only stand here and comfort the broken boy. It was excruciating._

———

“Hey, Tenzō, do you put water on your toothbrush before or after you put toothpaste on it?” Iruka asks while staring at his phone. He stacked his pillows against the wall to prop himself up while he had another pillow on his lap where he rested his arms. He is comfortable to say the least.

“Before?” Tenzō answers as he stares up at the ceiling. He is lying on his back on his bed currently waiting for a text back from Kakashi. He really has nothing else better to do.

“Really? I put water on it after.” Iruka sits up a little, not enough to make Tenzō look at him though.

“Why do you ask?”

“I’m in a group chat that Anko added me to. There’s a few people I don’t know in here, but Kakashi and Gai are in here.” That peeked Tenzō’s interest.

“Kakashi?” He rolls over to face Iruka, and his friend nods confirming him.

“Yep, his answer is before to the toothpaste question too. Gai asks us uh... discussion questions every day.”

“O-Oh...” Tenzō did not really know what to say. He was wondering why he has not been added to the chat when Iruka did. He did not want to openly say it, but he is kind of jealous.

“So, uh Shizune is in this group too. She talked about you, and basically the entire chat blew up the other night because of it.”

“What?” Tenzō shoves himself up. That bit of information made his stomach turn. How many people were talking about him?

“Shizune asked Kakashi how he knew you, and one thing lead to another and then everyone was basically screaming in the chat at like 2AM.” Iruka smiles sheepishly. Could he be any vaguer? It made Tenzō nauseas. What the hell could have a shit ton of people be screaming about that had to do with him? His past with Kakashi? That has to be it.

“Okay, you need to explain more because I’m getting anxious.” Tenzō crosses the room and plops down on Iruka’s bed. He crawls across it and lies down next to Iruka.

“Is this your way of saying I can’t escape?” Iruka laughs and scoots over to give Tenzō more room. Tenzō latches his arm around his friend and smirks at him.

“Yes.”

“Okay, let me scroll through my phone. I’m sure I can find the convo.” Iruka quickly slides his thumb down on his screen repeatedly. Tenzō almost tells him to stop because it looks like his friend might actually have to dig for a while, but he really wants to know what was said about him. “I think I found it. I remember Asuma kicked Kakashi out of the chat.” Tenzō nods, pretending he knows who Asuma is. Iruka hands him the phone giving him free reign to read these strangers’ conversation.

‘Shizune: ummmmm Kakashi how the hell do you know Tenzō?’

‘Asuma: that name sounds familiar’

‘Anko: isn’t that Iruka’s friend?’

‘Iruka: yeah’

‘Shizune: Kakashi?’

‘Kakashi: he’s a friend from high school’

‘Shizune: just a friend??? you looked at me like you were going to kill me’

‘Asuma: wait wait is this the tiny kid with long hair that you walked home with??’

‘Kakashi: yes’

‘Asuma: i remember obito told me you guys had a thing’

‘Shizune: did i flirt with Kakashi’s ex? omg’

‘Kurenai: you did what!’

‘Kakashi: we never dated’

‘Asuma: sure’

‘Shizune: i want details guys’

‘Kakashi: it’s none of your guys’ business’

‘Asuma kicked Kakashi from the chat’

‘Anko: omg he’s going to be so pissed lmao’

‘Asuma: Iruka you’re Tenzō’s friend, give us details’

‘Iruka: uhhh they’re just old friends’

‘Shizune: ohh’

‘Gai invited Kakashi to the chat’

‘Kakashi joined the chat’

‘Gai: no kicking please if Kakashi wants to keep his personal life to himself he can’

‘Kakashi kicked Asuma from the chat’

‘Anko: HA’

The conversation Tenzō expected was not particularly this. He thought all the juicy details would be out in the open, but it is just everyone talking normally. The rest of the chat from what he sees is just Asuma and Kakashi continuously being kicked and invited back. He kind of wonders why they even came back so many times. He would have honestly waited for the entire thing to die down to come back.

He continues scrolling down but they appeared to have completely forgotten about Tenzō’s relationship with Kakashi. He is a tad thankful that Iruka lied to them. He really did have ‘a thing’ with the man, but he did not want random strangers to know even if they are friends with Kakashi.

“You weren’t kidding when you said the chat blew up. Thank you for not telling them everything.” Tenzō hands Iruka back his phone.

“It’s not my story to tell and I didn’t want to piss off Kakashi.” Iruka smiles and locks his phone.

“You’re a life saver.” Tenzō laughs and gets up off the bed. He reaches for his phone that he abandoned when he crawled into Iruka’s bed a couple of minutes ago, and he finally notices the time. He has to head to class. Now. “Oh shit. I gotta go. I’ll see you when I get back.”

“Have fun.” Tenzō hears Iruka say this as he is already a step out the door. He grabbed everything in a flash that he did not even think to say goodbye. He makes quick double steps down the stairs and takes a sharp turn off the stairs. He slams into someone and is completely thrown off balance.

He blinks, processing that he is falling. It almost feels like slow motion until his body hit the ground. Time quickly catches up to him as pain shoots up his arms. Tenzō looks at his hands, scraped and dots of blood forming all over his palms. It stings.

“You okay?” A voice breaks his concentration at his throbbing hands, and he looks up at the source. Kakashi is brushing himself off.

“Did I run into you?” Tenzō asks absentmindedly, not really aware of what just happened. One second he was rushing down the stairs and the next he’s on the ground. Running straight into Kakashi would explain it.

“Yeah, I was uh... waiting for you by the stairs and you ran straight into me.” Kakashi laughs and holds out his hand to help Tenzō up. Somehow this situation almost feels familiar.

“I’m sorry. I’m kind of going to be late for class. Why were you waiting for me?” Tenzō asks while taking Kakashi’s hand to pull him up. The sensation made his hand throb but he chooses to ignore it.

“Just wanted to see you for a bit.” Kakashi answers him. They start walking, albeit a tad too slow. Tenzō quickens his pace a little, and Kakashi matches him.

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Just cause I want to?” That really did not answer his question, but he did not want to argue on the matter. He needed to get to class and wasting his time trying to get a sufficient answer out of the man just did not sound ideal.

“Well, you saw me. I gotta head to class.” Tenzō speeds up a little, but Kakashi is absolutely relentless. It was if he could not tell they are walking faster.

“How big is the class?”

“It’s a lecture hall. Why?” Tenzō can already see the man’s brain turning, and somehow, he knows exactly what Kakashi is thinking. The man plans to crash his class, and he did not like this idea. “Absolutely not, Kakashi.”

“What? You know what I’m going to do?” Kakashi chuckles and the sound almost makes Tenzō lose his footing. He hates that laugh so damn much. How it can give him butterflies every time, he had no clue.

“You’re not going to do anything.” Tenzō groans and Kakashi opens the door to the building his class is in. They both head inside briskly and head straight to Tenzō’s class.

“Am I really?” Kakashi stops in front of the entrance to the lecture hall. Is he really going to win this?

“You’re not.” Tenzō grabs the handle and pulls the door open. He slips inside and for a moment, he really believed he won this. About five seconds into Tenzō finding a seat, Kakashi is already settling in to the desk next to him. Unbelievable. Kakashi did win this.

“So... what is this class?” Kakashi asks while picking at his cuticles. Did... did he really not have anything else to do? Tenzō stares at him for a solid minute. Class is going to feel so much longer now. An hour is not too bad, but he is certain it will feel like an eternity and he most likely won’t pay attention at all.

“Sociology.” He answers and pulls out his notebook and pencil. “If you’re going to stay in here can you at least look like you’re a student?” Kakashi looks at him and then his eyes trail towards the notebook.

“You mean pretend to take notes?”

“Yeah, and you stick out like a sore thumb with that mask. Take it off. Nobody wears a mask in here, and the professor will notice you in a second.” Tenzō grumbles. Kakashi is like a light bulb among bugs, and everything about him just screams ‘look at me’. Tenzō knows he will be caught, might as well try to slow down the process.

“Mmm, fine. I thought I toned down my outfit a bit today, but I guess not.” Kakashi sinks into the desk trying to exaggerate his pouting. Tenzō observes the man’s outfit... and it amazes him to realize his outfit did in fact look toned down. He is wearing just a regular plain white T and blue jeans. Sadly, Kakashi is still and will always be noticeable.

“You do know that you just attract attention, right? You have silver hair and the black mask just... it makes you stick out, okay?” Tenzō sighs and lays his head on the desk. It has only been one minute since he entered the class and he already wanted it to be over.

“I see.” Somehow, Tenzō could tell the man is smiling just by his tone. “You just think that because you think I’m attractive.” Tenzō rolls his eyes. Best not to feed Kakashi’s ego. “I’ll take the mask off.” He purses his lips as he tries to restrain himself from jumping up. He has been dying to see what Kakashi’s face looks like now, but he did not want to make that obvious. Well, as obvious than it already is.

“You’re incorrigible.” Tenzō whines and finally sits up. He keeps his eyes locked downward at his notebook, but he can tell from the corner of his eye that the black mask is no longer being worn.

“Thank you,” Kakashi flops his elbow onto the desk and rests his head into his hand. He is smiling, and it annoys Tenzō beyond belief.

“It was not a compliment.” Tenzō states. He begrudgingly forces himself to look at that wicked grin planted on Kakashi’s face. He grits his teeth and prays to God his blush is not as bright as he worries it is. Looking at Kakashi is the equivalent of a drop on a rollercoaster. Uncomfortable. Scary. But most of all, positively thrilling.

His jawline is sharp and he has a salt and pepper five o’clock shadow. His teeth are just as perfect as they have always been, and the scar that went down his cheek makes him look downright dangerous. That childish face he remembers has matured greatly, and Tenzō shamefully feels all the blood from his brain go somewhere else.

“Forgot to shave. Sorry if I look a little gruff.” Kakashi chuckles lightly and pulls out a notebook and pen. “Gotta pretend I’m a student, right?” Tenzō watches the man, ignoring everything he is saying. His mind is already imaging many different scenarios on where he can somehow slam the man up against the wall and strip off all his- “What’s wrong? Am I still too distracting?”

“Yes,” Tenzō says this almost a little too quickly, but he really did not care. This class really is going to be an eternity.

“Hey, how did you get your hair that color?” A girl’s voice made them both jump. They turn around and see a petite girl with dark purple hair. “Sorry for interrupting you guys.”

“Me?” Kakashi raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I like dying my hair, and have always wanted to do like silver or pastel colors. It never works out though. I was just wondering how you did it?” She smiles and leans slightly forward over her desk. Tenzō pulls his backpack onto his lap to hide his erection while Kakashi is distracted. This entire situation is embarrassing, and it is only getting worse.

“Oh, it’s natural.” Kakashi laughs.

“Natural?” It is her turn to raise an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, it’s genetic. I went full gray around seventeen. My facial hair still has patches of black though.” He scratches the back of his head awkwardly. Tenzō did not even know this. When he met Kakashi, his hair was silver. He never actually questioned it before. He just assumed it was dyed.

“Wow, genetics are weird. It’s kind of cool though. Why did you never dye it black?” The girl asks.

“I always thought the roots would look bad if I did, so I just let my hair take its course.” Kakashi smiles up at her.

Tenzō catches his professor bounding to the front of the classroom out of the corner of his eye. She is positively glowing today. She claps her hands together, drawing some attention to the front of the class.

“Hello, class! Let me just get the PowerPoint up and running. Hang tight, but I want everyone to get into a group of pairs and discuss the following question.” She quickly turns on her heels and walks up to the white board. She pulls out a dry erase marker and starts writing.

“Well, it was nice talking to you. My name is Yūgao by the way.” The girl behind them whispers.

“I’m Kakashi. Nice talking to you too.” Kakashi smiles at her and turns back to the board. Tenzō sighs and finally drops his backpack to the floor. His arousal leaving him while he focuses on what his professor is writing.

“Have you ever experienced culture shock?” The professor clearly reads out what she writes. “We can have everyone discuss their own experiences and share it with the class once I’m ready.” She clicks her heels on the ground as she walks across the front of the class to the computer behind the podium.

“So, partner, have you ever had culture shock?” Kakashi turns his body towards Tenzō and smiles. “I don’t think I ever have; just putting that out there.” Tenzō cannot think of a single time he ever experienced such a thing either, but he might not be able to remember because he can’t stop staring at Kakashi’s lips. He misses the taste of them and how soft they were, but he is older and his thoughts are not as innocent as they used to be. Before, he longed to just be kissed by Kakashi, but now, he cannot help but imagine those lips kissing everywhere else. It almost made his erection come right back. “Tenzō?”

“Huh?”

“Have you ever had culture shock?” Kakashi points at the board.

“Oh yeah, right. No, I haven’t.” Tenzō laughs awkwardly. He almost wants to crawl under a rock and hide for ten years, but that just sounds too easy.

Their discussion did not last very long since both of them never experienced culture shock. And just like his professor promised, she had other students share their own experiences of culture shock and then she shared her own. Luckily, she only calls on people who raise their hands that are willing to share. Tenzō hopes she keeps that as a habit because he knows one day he will be called on and have nothing to say.

Class went by faster than he expected. It definitely did not feel like an eternity, but not quite an hour either. He tried to take notes, but his mind was elsewhere. He made sure to keep his eyes off Kakashi, but he could see him watching videos on Facebook with his ear buds in. Well, he kind of looks like a student - the ones who show up for attendance and that is about it.

Tenzō did not particularly want Kakashi to continue to follow him around all day, but with how his day is going, it appears it might just happen. Class had ended and Kakashi is walking next to him texting away on his phone. Tenzō only assumes it must be the chat that Iruka told him about. They head back to his dorm room rather quickly without a word said between the two of them. He is slightly bothered by the fact that Kakashi keeps texting and not talking to him, but hopefully this will change when they get inside.

Tenzō unlocks his dorm room and Iruka is completely dressed to leave. He looks him up and down noticing he is dressing nicer than usual with a button up and slacks.

“What’s with the outfit?” Tenzō asks and Kakashi bumps into his back. This guy really needs to look up and stop texting.

“I got an interview at the tutoring club I wanted to work at. It should be good experience since I want to be a teacher.” Iruka smiles and places his hands on his hips. “Do I look interview ready?”

“Oh yeah. You look good.” Tenzō walks into the room with Kakashi close behind him.

“Kakashi?” Iruka squints at him as if he does not believe his own eyes.

“Yo,” Kakashi glances at him and throws his phone onto Tenzō’s bed. He then throws himself on to the bed and pulls his mask off, dropping it onto the side of the pillow.

“Making yourself at home?” Iruka makes a confused face at Tenzō. His facial expressions were always interesting to Tenzō. He can look at his friend and hold full conversations with him with just their faces. It is not quite the same of what he has with Kakashi where they just know what the other is thinking, but he still has fun with Iruka.

He grimaces at Iruka and shakes his head trying to say he has no explanation for Kakashi’s behavior or why he is even here. Iruka nods and glances towards the door. He wants to leave. Tenzō nods back and his friend smiles and leaves.

Tenzō turns back around to face Kakashi. The man is lying on his stomach with his face buried into the pillow. The sight causes inappropriate thoughts to creep into the back of his mind. His eyes wander towards Kakashi’s ass and he bites his lip. He imagines pulling those pants down for only a second before forcing himself to stop. He should not be thinking about this. They are just friends. That’s it.

“Hey, Kakashi,” he pauses remembering that he had a lot of questions and since they finally have their privacy, maybe he can take the plunge. “Can we talk?”

“Am I in trouble?” Kakashi rolls over closer to the wall. Tenzō lies down on the bed next to him.

“No, I just have a few questions, and I... kinda want an answer to them all.” Tenzō scoots in a bit closer so their faces are only a breath away from each other.

“Okay, ask away.” Kakashi cracks a small smile, nearly knocking the air out of Tenzō’s lungs. He might not survive this talk if Kakashi keeps that mask off.

“I know you said you go here like as a student. Why aren’t you going to Anbu State anymore? What happened? Why are you attending Konoha University now?” Tenzō watches that smile fade immediately. He almost takes back what he said but Kakashi’s lips part.

“It’s a long story.” Kakashi frowns but doesn’t break eye contact.

“I want to know. Please.” They stare at each other for a moment longer but Kakashi averts his eyes away.

“I guess I should start from the beginning.” Kakashi sighs. “Things went bad last fall. I was going into my fourth year at Anbu State and only two weeks in, I get a phone call. I was told my dad tried to kill himself. He was put into a mental facility and medication, and I dropped all my classes and went home. I figure I could take a semester off and stay with him when he got out.” Kakashi says this all very quickly without even pausing to breathe. Tenzō could tell that he was struggling. To be honest, Tenzō did not expect Kakashi to come out and just tell him everything so easily. He is so used to him being so stubborn in the past that it almost surprised him.

“But you didn’t go back?”

“No, some more stuff happened and I didn’t want to go back anymore.”

“What happened?” Tenzō knows what Kakashi is going to say, but he would rather hear his story instead.

“You see... my dad was depressed for a long time. I didn’t know. He was even depressed back when I was in high school. I feel stupid to this day to not be able to tell that my own dad was feeling this way.” Kakashi takes in a shaky breath and his eyes water a little. “He could have told me. I would have never left him. I would have stayed and gone to Konoha University just to make sure he’s okay, but he never said anything.” Tenzō rests his hand on Kakashi’s cheek comfortingly.

“You shouldn’t feel stupid. I was with you every day back in high school, and I even had no idea. He probably hid it to protect you... I’m so sorry that happened.” A tear slides horizontally across Kakashi’s nose.

“I thought if I came back, he’d get better. I got a job and lived with him, but in January when I came home from work... and...” A sob escapes him and he buries his face into Tenzō’s chest.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me the rest.” Tenzō runs his fingers through Kakashi’s hair desperately trying to find a way to console the man. He could barely hold himself together, but he knows he has to. Kakashi needs someone to tell him that everything will be okay, not someone who will crumble too.

“I’m sorry,” Kakashi mumbles into his shirt, but Tenzō can hear those words plain as day. This situation feels similar too. Kakashi falling apart and Tenzō trying his best to be strong for the both of them.

He remembers when Kakashi got in a fight when they were younger and he was too upset to tell him what all happened. It was heartbreaking then, and it is just as heartbreaking now.

“You don’t need to apologize for anything. It’s okay.” He whispers and continues to run his fingers through Kakashi’s hair. “I’m sorry I asked.” Kakashi shakes his head with his face still in Tenzō’s chest.

“No, I needed to tell you at some point.” Kakashi leans back a little so they can face each other again. “I thought I could... stay calm... but a lot of memories came flooding back.”

“I’m sorry I made you remember.” He frowns. He wishes he had something better to say. Hell, he wishes he could somehow fix everything that happened, but he knows he can’t. That is what makes it harder. Knowing there’s nothing he can do to change how Kakashi feels.

“They weren’t... completely bad. It’s just when you started comforting me, I just think you’re too good for me.” He cracks a small smile. “Dad was mad at me when I told him we weren’t friends anymore. He said he understands me wanting to be with Rin, but throwing our friendship away was wrong. He would tell me all the time to just eat my pride and go apologize to you... It was the first time he told me he was disappointed in me.” His eyes start watering again and Tenzō just stares at him. He did not want to think further into what Kakashi just said, but that broke his composure.

It was something he always wondered about when he was younger. He wanted to know if Kakashi’s dad cared. The man was like a second dad to him, and he honestly trusted him way more than his own father. His father adopted him, but that did not really make things peachy. His adoptive father was a hardened man and very hard to please. Sakumo, on the other hand, glowed like the sun and was always impressed with Tenzō. When he got good grades or made something in woodshop, he wanted to show Kakashi and Sakumo first. They were like his true family back then, and knowing that he was not the only one hurting was a type of release he never experienced before. He missed Kakashi and Sakumo so much it nearly broke his heart all over again.

“I... didn’t want to cry... but I don’t think I can stop myself.” Tenzō whispers feeling his eyes well up. He pushes the balls of his hands roughly against his eyes to fight back his tears.

“I should have told you a long time ago. He saw you like a son to him as well. I just... didn’t think it was right for me to try to tell you when we weren’t friends anymore. I was not sure you’d even care.” Tenzō freezes and drops his hands, letting his tears finally fall. Kakashi’s words shook him to his core. He could not piece any of it together. Kakashi believing he would not care is probably the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard. Sure, he downright hated Kakashi for awhile, but he is not cold blooded to not care about what happened to his father. Sakumo did nothing wrong to him, so of course he would be upset with this news. He was even upset when Anko told him, but back then it was even worse. It was like being hit with a bag of bricks with absolutely no explanation as to why any of this happened.

He half wishes Kakashi told him about his father when Sakumo was still alive. Tenzō would have probably put aside all of their differences right then. He did not particularly like the fact that he already knows he would come running back to this family if he had known sooner, but he could never fully shake off the love he still feels towards them. He wonders if things would have been different if he tried to reach out to Kakashi again. Would that have changed anything?

Tenzō slowly sits up and looks down at Kakashi. His eyes burn and he is quite certain they’re just as red as Kakashi’s are. His crying slows just enough for his cheeks to dry a little. He wipes his face with his shirt sleeve and breathes out.

“Kakashi, I never stopped caring about you and your dad. Just because you cut me out of your life doesn’t mean I can simply cut you guys out.” He sniffles. “It was hard, you know. I hate my dad and I hated being home. I felt like... I don’t know... you were the only good thing I had. You gave me this better life. I... cared about you and your dad like you two were my real family.” He grits his teeth as his throat closes up. He knows if he dares say anything more he will shatter.

Kakashi sits up and cups his hands around Tenzō’s face. “I was stupid.” Kakashi leans his forehead against Tenzō’s. “I was so stupid. I know it’ll take forever for me to make up for what I did, but I’m still so sorry.”

“I-,” Tenzō chokes out. He can’t speak.

“I should have just picked up my damn phone and called you when everything was going wrong... No, I should have just apologized years ago.” Kakashi lowers his gaze. Tenzō clenches his eyes shut. It took all the energy he had to keep himself together. “I could have done everything so differently. I really wish I could go back and make all the right choices.”

“Are... are you going to stay here? You’re not going to leave again?” Tenzō croaks. His chest is tightening at the sudden thought that Kakashi will cut him out again. He did not want to admit it, but he developed a lot of trust issues and needs constant reassurance that he won’t lose the people he cares about. He feels pathetic every time this fear envelops him, but he cannot help it. His abandonment issues have only grown over the years since Kakashi had left him.

“I’m staying. I don’t plan on going back to Anbu State.” It was a faint whisper, but it alleviated Tenzō’s anxieties immediately. “You don’t have to worry. I won’t leave you again.”

Tenzō opens his eyes and he stares at Kakashi’s lips. It is the second time he finds himself longing to kiss him, but he does not believe he will be able to stop if they stay sitting like this. Kakashi must feel the same way because their lips are inching closer together.

“Kakashi,” He breathes out. “We shouldn’t.”

“Just this once...” Kakashi drops one hand to his side while the other trails down Tenzō’s chest.

“Just this once.” Those words slip out and their lips crash together. It is completely different experience from their last first kiss. It is rough and desperate, as if the world will stop turning the second they break away.

Kakashi pulls on Tenzō’s lip, biting a bit too hard making Tenzō groan. Yes, this is nothing like how they used to kiss. Tenzō slips his tongue into Kakashi’s mouth, running his tongue along sharp teeth. Tenzō wants nothing more than to relish in this moment. He made the promise to himself to not do this again, so he prays this moment lasts. They separate for only a second and Tenzō clasps his hand on Kakashi’s cheek pulling them together. If this is going to be their last kiss, he is not going to let it end now. Kakashi pushes himself deeper into the kiss, making Tenzō fall back onto the bed. He tries to kiss down Tenzō’s jawline, but he is pulled back, making their lips meet again.

They break away once more, but this time they don’t lean back in. They are both breathing hard, and Tenzō could feel his heart rip to shreds. He did not want to do this. He did not want to fall back in love with Kakashi, but he knows he is falling. It’s only been three weeks since they started talking again and somehow his heart found room to forgive and love again. His brain knows better though. This is wrong. He cannot just let himself be swayed by tears and apologies. He needs to stay true to himself and what he deserves, and he deserves better.

“I’m sorry... I should have... we are just friends. I shouldn’t be fucking this up.” Kakashi drops his head and scoots back letting Tenzō sit up.

“Yeah, this is too soon. I don’t think... I’m ready for all this.” He knows he wanted that to happen, but it is too soon. He still hurts from everything that happened. He isn’t ready. Not yet. Not now.

“It was nice though.”

“Yeah, I missed you.” Tenzō reaches out and grasps Kakashi’s hand.

“I missed you too.” Kakashi smiles. “I realized I never really answered your question.”

“Question?” Tenzō thinks back to how this situation all started and remembers his questions. How could he have forgotten so easily?

“Well, you know why I’m not at Anbu State anymore, but not why I’m going to Konoha University. To put it simply, I didn’t want to go back to Anbu State but I also didn’t want to quit school all together. I took a year off and transferred here. I started here this fall.” He scratches the back of his head seeming to think back a little. “I moved in with Gai and we live nearby too.” Tenzō tries to hide his panic of learning Kakashi is living with another man, but he cannot seem to extinguish his worry.

“You live with Gai?”

“Yeah, but not like anything weird. I have my room and he has his own. We just share an apartment and split the rent and stuff.” Kakashi places his hand on Tenzō’s cheek. “Nothing to worry about. Gai and I aren’t like that.” Tenzō frowns. He really hates that Kakashi just knew exactly what he is thinking. If Kakashi is not a mind reader, he definitely fooled him. Even back in high school, Tenzō can look at him for a second and Kakashi knows exactly what is going through his mind.

“We are just friends. I’m not worried. Who you are with isn’t my business.” He knows nothing he said sounds remotely believable, but he has to say it. Someone has to or nobody is going to draw the line in the sand. Their friendship already lands somewhere in a gray area instead of a simple black and white where they are strictly friends, but Tenzō would rather lie to himself a bit longer to keep himself sane.

“Hey, I wanted to get out of town this Saturday. Want to go with me?” Kakashi drops his hand and smiles.

“Dramatic change of subject... but okay, sure.” Tenzō forces a smile back. His heart is not truly in it, but he has to at least try to pretend everything is normal.

“It’d be just us, but I think we would still have fun.” Kakashi reaches for his phone next to him and his eyes widen. “Uh, I have to head to work, so I gotta go. I’ll text you later.” He stands up and heads towards the door.

“Oh okay,” Tenzō mumbles.

“You don’t need to worry about walking me out or anything.” Kakashi smirks, halfway out the exit.

“Before you leave, can you tell me what your job is? I have been meaning to ask...” Tenzō shifts his weight and nearly stumbles off the bed.

“I never told you? I teach dog training classes every Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. You should come by some time.” He leans against the door frame casually. He almost did not look like he was in a hurry just moments ago.

“Hm, maybe I will.” Tenzō grins. “Well, don’t be late because of me.” Kakashi chuckles.

“If I’m late, I’m late. I should get going though. See you later, Tenzō.” Kakashi ducks out and shuts the door to Tenzō’s dorm. Kakashi is gone, but the emotions he left with Tenzō are almost overwhelming.

He taps his finger on his bottom lip as he replays in his head everything that just transpired. As sad as they both were, he would have never expected them to kiss. One second they are crying and the next... his tongue was in Kakashi's mouth. To be honest, Tenzō almost feels embarrassed. The situation escalated so quickly. He assumes it must have just been the heat of the moment.

A giddy grin spreads across his face and a small giggle escapes him. Somehow, through all the anxiety he is currently feeling, he cannot suppress his euphoria. He knows he should not be this excited, but he could not hide it. He still likes Kakashi, and maybe Kakashi feels the same way. Only time will tell if they can fix what they had, and Tenzō is willing to wait until he knows he is fully ready to jump head first into this again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I somehow made this chapter almost 7k words and Im sorry this is so long. Chapter 7 should be up next friday, but all my updates from now might be delayed. I start going back to school again, but I will try my best to get this fic updated and finished. Also sorry this chapter is a... just another mess


	7. Next to You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is VERY long, so I am just warning you now.

_Tenzō opened his locker and shoved his textbook in it. He pulled out a different textbook and slinked it into his arm. He only has ten minutes for passing period before heading to his next class so he opted out of trying to put the book in his backpack. Carrying it in his arm was no big deal anyway._

_“KA... KA... SHI!” Tenzō whipped around to see a disgruntled boy with spiky black hair nearly sprinting down the hall as he screamed. His dirty chucks squeaked with each bounding step which was nearly as loud as him. Tenzō turns to see where the boy is yelling at and sees Kakashi on the opposite end of the hallway._

_“Shut up, Obito! You’re too damn loud!” Kakashi yelled at the boy who Tenzō assumed is Obito. Kakashi looked positively annoyed. He might even be angry. Tenzō has never seen such an expression on the boy’s face so it was hard for him to decipher exactly what face it was._

_“Mr. Namikaze said only one person got a perfect grade on the history test! Was it you!?” Obito stomped up to Kakashi and jabbed a finger into his chest. Kakashi swatted the finger away and rolled his eyes._

_“So what if it was me? Doesn’t change your score.” Kakashi narrowed his eyes at Obito. Tenzō almost felt uncomfortable watching. He worried they would get in a fight, but the name ‘Obito’ sounded familiar to him. Was that Kakashi’s childhood friend that he heard about? It was almost hard to believe with them shooting daggers at each other and arguing so openly in the hallway._

_“Dammit! What the hell did you get on the test!?” Obito groaned, he almost sounded like he was getting louder._

_“Twenty out of twenty.” Kakashi jammed his hands in his pockets. “I’m sure you got thirteen or something at least.”_

_“I... uh got ten actually.” Obito finally spoke at a normal volume and Kakashi rolled his eyes again. Tenzō gripped his locker door tighter. He has never seen Kakashi act so rude before. It made him... sad? He had this vision of Kakashi as a prince of sorts. Perfect and attractive, but this was different. He was cocky and mean. It didn’t seem right._

_Another boy who is quite taller than both of the two boys walks up. His hair was shoulder length and shiny. Tenzō couldn’t help but wonder how the guy has his hair look like that. The shiny haired kid smacked Kakashi on the back and bursts into loud laughter._

_“I knew it was you with the perfect score! I got a nineteen out of twenty. So close! Just you wait, Kakashi. I’ll beat you next time.” The shiny haired boy continues to laugh._

_“For the millionth time, Gai, my grades are not a competition.” Kakashi squints at the boy named Gai._

_“Yeah!” Obito yelled while pointing at Gai. Gai smiled at them as if he had some secret he was dying to share._

_“You’re my rival, Kakashi. That won’t change.” Gai walked off with a smirk glued to his face._

_“I can’t believe that loser got a better score than me.” Obito whined, pulling Tenzō’s attention back to the pair._

_“Gai’s smart. You’re not. It’s not that surprising.” Kakashi sighed._

_“Jeez, what the hell does Rin see in you? You’re an ass.”_

_“You’re not perfect either.”_

_Tenzō shut his locker, making it bang louder than he expected. He winced at the sound. He did not want Kakashi to notice him, but that ship was sailed... probably. The noise of his locker was not the only thing that bothered him though. He did not recognize the name ‘Rin’, and this worried him. From what he gathered, she sounded like someone who liked Kakashi. This put him a little on edge._

_“Oh yeah, Kakashi. You, me, Rin. Movies. Tonight. How ‘bout it?” Obito slung his arm around Kakashi’s shoulders. Strange how the guy can go from screaming his head off to acting buddy buddy._

_“What time?”_

_“Mmm, probably seven. Rin has a car now, so she can just pick us up.”_

_“Alright. I have someone I want to see after school, but I should be free at seven.” Tenzō’s ears perked up when he heard this. Kakashi is talking about him. Tenzō hugged his book up to his chest and lowered his head. He wanted to make it out of the hallway without being noticed. He didn’t really want to be caught eavesdropping either._

_“Someone you want to see? You have a new girlfriend or something? You and Rin have only been broken up a couple months.” Rin is Kakashi’s ex? They broke up a couple months ago? Why has Kakashi never mentioned her before?_

_“Something like that. Don’t mention it to Rin.”_

_Tenzō ducked his head down and started speed walking down the hall. He suddenly felt like he shouldn’t be hearing any of this. His mind was on a loop and he couldn’t stop asking himself, ‘Who the hell is Rin?’_

———

“So, how much longer til we get there?” Tenzō asks while staring out the passenger side window. Some cars go whizzing by while some keep the same pace as the car he is in.

“Mmm, takes two hours to get there and we have been on the road for an hour. Should take us about another hour.” Kakashi answers, glancing at the clock.

“Hey, I have a question.” He turns to look at Kakashi.

“Is it going to be another emotional question where we somehow start scrying or screaming at each other? Because I don’t think I can handle another one of those while driving.” Kakashi chuckles. Tenzō sinks into his seat and pulls out his phone to try to act like he is pouting. He does not even unlock his phone, and he pretends he is texting by blindly tapping his screen. “I’m kidding. What’s the question?”

“I was just wondering if you ever told your friends about me. Like back in high school?” He looks back out the window. “Did you ever tell Rin about us?” He whispers, almost praying Kakashi might not hear that part of his question.

“I told Obito and Gai.” Kakashi answers this so easily that Tenzō nearly drops his phone. “Gai doesn’t remember names or faces to save his life though, so he doesn’t remember you.”

“O-Oh...” He has more questions, but he partly does not want to know the answers to any of them.

“I told Rin about you.” That time, Tenzō did drop his phone. What all did he tell her? That they were friends? Or the truth... that they were way more than that? His stomach turns at the mere thought of her knowing everything. He did not know why he feels this way. Rin did nothing wrong to him, but her name is so unsettling to him.

“What did you tell her?” His voice cracks and he nearly smacks himself in the face for losing his cool so quickly. Rin knowing everything is not that big of a deal. Right?

“That we were friends but don’t talk anymore... which was the truth back then.” Truth? Tenzō scoffs. If half-truth is considered the truth, then yeah sure. It was the truth, but half-truth is basically a lie.

“So, you didn’t tell her about us?” He emphasizes the last word to that question hoping Kakashi will actually understand what he meant. “You didn’t tell her that we used to... you know?”

“Oh, no. I told Obito and Gai everything if that means anything. I’m sure Obito told Rin since he apparently told Asuma.” Okay, so Rin probably knows everything. She... most likely has for a while. That weird feeling in Tenzō’s gut only got worse. Who else knew? “Why do you look so bothered? I’m sure you told Iruka. I’ve seen the way he looks at me.”

“The way he looks at you? What?” No really, what? As far as Tenzō knows, Kakashi and Iruka have only crossed paths three times. He was there for all of them and knows Iruka didn’t look at... wait, the first time they met. When they were at work together, Iruka was staring at Kakashi and Tenzō with his eyes blown wide as if he was witnessing something horrific. Is that the look? Or is Tenzō missing something? Maybe at karaoke? Iruka was completely consumed in Anko’s aura that it is hard to believe Iruka even glanced in Kakashi’s direction.

“I’m serious, Tenzō. He looks at me like he doesn’t trust me. As if I’m up to no good.”

“But... you are up to no good.”

“Hey, I’m trying to be... um the opposite of that.” Kakashi looks over and changes lanes. Apparently changing lanes can ruin his train of thought. Tenzō holds in a snort.

“You’re trying to be good? Is that what you mean?” He chuckles making Kakashi groan. “The opposite of that...” He bursts into laughter echoing what Kakashi said. Somehow hearing it again made it funnier.

“It’s not that funny.”

“You are cute.”

“I’m not cute.”

“You are though.” Tenzō smiles but in the back of his mind, he has a distinct memory of this conversation. Have they said these things before?

Tenzō sits back in his seat and stares out the side window again. As much as he tried to keep Kakashi at arms length and not repeat their past, he has this bad feeling looming over him. Every single time they act just a little too close, his mind kick starts into panic mode. It just constantly replays what Kakashi said years ago.

_“What we have been doing, it was a mistake. What I have with Rin is going good, and I don’t want to ruin that. I’m sorry, Tenzō, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”_

Yes, Kakashi apologized but it did not zap away Tenzō’s insecurities. This has shamefully overlapped with almost every relationship he had since Kakashi. The irrational fear of being replaced or abandoned sometimes feels so great that he can have full blown panic attacks. There are moments even now where he looks at Kakashi and his chest tightens. He can’t stop himself from worrying that Kakashi will find someone new... or God forbid, go back to Rin. It was a long shot, but his memories won’t let it go, plaguing his dreams and seeping into his core.

“-do you like, Tenzō?” Kakashi shakes Tenzō’s shoulder, scaring him out of his skin. Tenzō jumps and he whips his head back towards Kakashi.

“W-What?”

“What music do you like?”

“I like uh,” Tenzō’s brain struggled to shake his anxiety. Kakashi’s question was simple, but he just could not come up with an answer. “Anything really. I don’t care what you play.”

“O... kay. Plug my phone into the aux cord and play road trip playlist. Gai made it last time we went somewhere so don’t ask me about any of the songs.” Kakashi points at his phone sitting in the cup holder with Tenzō’s. He spots the aux cord and plugs it into Kakashi’s phone as he was told. He swiftly goes through Kakashi’s apps and opens his music to start the playlist.

_‘Your little brother never tells you but he loves you so  
You said your mother only smiled on her tv show’_

“Gai likes Halsey?” Tenzō quirks an eyebrow at Kakashi.

“Who is Halsey?” Kakashi does not even look at him, keeping his eyes glued to the road.

“The person singing... you know, nevermind.” Tenzō lays his head back and closes his eyes. The song isn’t bad. He only knew maybe two songs by Halsey, but he really likes this one.

_‘You're dripping like a saturated sunrise  
You're spilling like an overflowing sink’_

The more he listened, he could not imagine such a big loud guy to like this type of music. But to be fair, he could not really see Gai listening to music at all. The more he listened to the song, the more he wonders why he would put it on a playlist to listen to with Kakashi. The lyrics did not really scream ‘road trip music’ but maybe it was just the beat and the sounds. The lulling of the car mixed with the song meshed well. Maybe it wasn’t an awful choice. It is almost relaxing.

———

“Tenzō! Wake up!” A voice snaps Tenzō into full alert and he goes flying up out of his seat, but his seatbelt locks him back into place.

“What!?” He looks around, slowly processing that they are parked.

“We are here. Come on, you fell asleep.” A shit eating grin spreads across Kakashi’s face. Tenzō stares for a moment wondering where the familiar mask is, because it is clearly not being worn. His eyes trail down, noticing Kakashi changed his shirt as well. The man was sporting just a regular graphic T that says ‘I’m not lazy, I just don’t care’ with shorts, but he is now wearing a navy-blue tank top that has a striped gray and white chest pocket. It really is not like Tenzō to sleep through so much. He is almost weirded out by it.

“Right... when the hell did you change your shirt?” Tenzō unbuckles his seat belt and climbs out so they look at each other above the roof of the car.

“Uh after I parked so maybe only five minutes ago?” They both walk around to the back of the car and Kakashi openly looks Tenzō up and down. “I’ll buy you a different shirt while we are here.”

“Wait, what’s wrong with my shirt?” Tenzō narrows his eyes at him.

“I don’t know what that symbol is, but your shirt is not really... beach-y?” Kakashi points at the circular image on Tenzō’s shirt.

“Beach-y? That’s not even a word, and sorry for not dressing beach appropriate. You didn’t tell me we were going to a beach until we were half way here.” He crosses his arms while grumbling to himself. Does Kakashi really have to put him in a foul mood all the time? “I don’t even have the right shoes. I would have worn sandals or flip flops or something instead of my damn Converse.”

“Well, I can buy you different shoes too. Don’t worry too much.” Kakashi pulls out his phone, barely acknowledging Tenzō’s tantrum.

“The symbol is from Overwatch too. Even people who don’t play video games know what it is.” He mumbles, very much aware that Kakashi does not care. Maybe Kakashi’s previous shirt with the stupid slogan of ‘I’m not lazy, I just don’t care’ is more accurate than Tenzō thought two hours ago.

“Hmm, did you say something?” Kakashi looks up from his phone.

“No...”

“Okay, I was looking up different places to go to. Do you want to go check out the shops or go to the pier? Or just go straight to the water?” Kakashi blinks and pulls his phone back up. “Wait, we need to buy you different shoes if we want to go to the water.”

“You really thought this all through, huh?” Tenzō leans in to stare at Kakashi’s screen. His anger is already dissipating.

“Kind of. You know me. I only thought this half way through. Winging the rest is my specialty.” Kakashi smirks and Tenzō has to resist his urge to kiss him. Kakashi can be annoying, but that does not really change how Tenzō feels about him. “So, shops first.”

They quickly trek down the different sidewalks for about five blocks until they reached the line of shops right next to the beach. Tenzō has never gone to touristy beaches, so the amount of people walking around is alarming. But that is not the only thing that shocked him, street performers and artists of all kinds are also everywhere and as far down the street as the eye can see.

Kakashi grabs his hand and drags him over to a sunglasses stand. Kakashi inspects different pairs until he puts on a pair that are shaped like red hearts.

“Look good?” Kakashi chuckles. Tenzō rolls his eyes, but smiles nonetheless. Concluding that he likes Kakashi again makes it a tad difficult to not just melt to every single little thing the man does.

“Sure, they do.” Tenzō grabs a pair that are rainbow striped and puts them on. “How about these?”

“I think they clash with your Overwatch shirt.” Okay, maybe it is not that difficult to not melt. Kakashi seriously makes it too easy to not be completely infatuated with him when he says stuff like that. Tenzō releases his hand from Kakashi’s hold, wanting to be petty because... well, he can.

“Ha. Ha. Enough with the shirt.” Tenzō whines and puts the sunglasses back. The damn heart sunglasses did not even compliment Kakashi, but whatever.

“Help me pick out a pair. Doctor said I should wear sunglasses to protect my eye.” He puts the heart glasses back and starts fiddling with other glasses that look more fashionable.

“I’m sure cheap sunglasses don’t really do much for you and you can’t see out of it anyway.”

“I can see out of it, but it has been getting worse. The sun gives me a headache sometimes and the eye strain is too much.” Kakashi picks up a knock off wayfarer type of sunglasses that are solid black. He puts them on and smiles. “Do these look good? Serious question.”

“Uh, yeah, they look fine.” Tenzō answers the question, but is stuck on the fact that Kakashi’s bad eye actually has vision. He really thought Kakashi could not see out of it at all, and never asked. He supposes it was a dumb assumption since Kakashi’s bad eye is from an injury. Not all injuries lead to complete blindness. “I didn’t know you could actually see out of your left eye.”

“Good, I’ll get these. Want a pair?” Kakashi is already fishing through his wallet for money to pay for his glasses. “But yeah, I can see. It’s just hard to.” He hands the clerk next to the stand money and quickly collects his change.

“I don’t want a pair, and what do you mean it’s just hard to?” The two start walking again, casually passing different shops as they talk.

“It’s weird. I can’t see directly in front of me, but I can see around? Like peripheral vision only with my left eye.” The crowd of people did not feel as thick now. Kakashi’s hand taps against Tenzō’s for a moment and Tenzō steps away slightly to give themselves more room. Of course, his first reflex was to go to hold Kakashi’s hand, but his mind kickstarted and he could not let himself do that. Sure, they kissed the other day, but they are most definitely not dating and Tenzō has no plans to. Holding hands basically cements the idea that this entire situation is actually just a date in disguise.

“I had no idea.” And truth be told, he truly did not know Kakashi had some vision in his bad eye. “What happened to it? I don’t think I ever asked.”

“I really never told you?” Kakashi raises an eyebrow just above his new sunglasses. Tenzō shakes his head, hoping Kakashi would explain. “Hmmm, you are going to think I’m really stupid.”

“You think I don’t know that by now?” Tenzō smirks. The comment was his own little jab back for Kakashi’s snide remarks about his shirt.

“Okay, you will think I am stupider after I tell you.”

“Try me.”

“I’m going to put it out there Obito and I were twelve.” Kakashi sighs, probably thinking of how to tell this story. Maybe lessen his idiocy if whatever happened was actually a dumb occurrence. Tenzō, on the other hand, feels his stomach turn at the name Obito. That boy has also weighed on Tenzō’s mind, but for a reason completely different compared to Kakashi.

Obito and Kakashi have always known each other, and Tenzō is hyper aware of this fact. Those two became friends at some point in middle school and the rest is history. Well, it was until they stopped talking after high school. That is what bothers Tenzō. His first assumption was that Kakashi dropped Obito like he did to Tenzō, but his second assumption was because of Rin. Since Rin broke up with Kakashi and started dating Obito, it seemed like the logical conclusion to assume those two aren’t friends because of her.

But Tenzō started to wonder if there was something else. Surely, a girl can’t break up their friendship that easily. Could there be anything Tenzō doesn’t know? His heart aches at the thought. Kakashi keeping secrets is just another fear he developed. Abandoned, replaced, lied to, the list can go on.

“So, Obito got this cool pocket knife from his dad and we were at his grandma’s house.” The statement snaps Tenzō back to their conversation.

“Pocket knives... I kind of already see where this is going.”

“Yeah, well, clearly we know this is the knife that cut my eye. But anyways, how it happened is the dumb part.” Kakashi does a swift swinging motion with his arm in front of him. “Imagine Obito doing this with the knife and I’m not paying attention. I don’t even remember what I was doing, but he swung his arm and I walked straight into it.”

“Are you serious!?” Tenzō gawks at him. Kakashi is a genius, this story has got to be a lie. There is no possible way Kakashi would just walk close to someone swinging a knife around.

“I’m serious. It hurt like crazy and I get rushed to the hospital. I get stitches and my eye was just messed up after that. It was weird because when it healed the color changed.”

“You mean the cloudy color?”

“No, I kind of knew that would happen. The brown color is the weird part.” Kakashi tilts his glasses down to look at Tenzō. Probably to show the brown color to the iris, but Tenzō already knows what it looks like. It was one of the first things he noticed about Kakashi besides the obvious silver hair, mask, and scar.

“Oh, I see.” Tenzō squints at Kakashi’s eyes, pretending that he is studying the different color. Those mismatched eyes look the same as always, which somehow gives Tenzō a small comfort. Kakashi has changed, that much is clear, but those damn eyes are still so gentle. Kakashi couldn’t be lying about anything, right? Those eyes would give it away.

Kakashi lifts his sunglasses up and trots off a little towards an artist molding a bust of a person’s head with clay. Tenzō slinks over right behind Kakashi and watches the artist shape the person’s nose with delicate hands. Kakashi nudges Tenzō with his elbow lightly drawing his attention away from the sculptor.

“How about I get a bust of my face? Would be cool, huh? A bust of me with my mask.” Kakashi smirks, trying to make a poor joke.

“That’d just be creepy and besides, you left your mask in the car.” Tenzō grins back, shooting down the joke. Kakashi pouts out his bottom lip and walks off to the next thing that catches his eye.

They grow quiet and look at different stands. Different artists distract them every once in a while and they tease each other to buy something, but they both decide not to. Kakashi stopped and bought a little water capsule with a grain of rice in it that has Gai’s name on it. Tenzō did not understand the point of the gift, but Kakashi insisted that Gai would think it’s cool. The rice writer went into a lengthy explanation that gifting someone rice art brings the recipient good luck, so Tenzō just accepted it as such.

They probably spent hours looking inside different shops and just watching artists create different things. They would watch street performers when they pass by them as well.

And of course, Kakashi bought Tenzō a different shirt and the Overwatch shirt was replaced inside the bag his new shirt came in. Sadly, Kakashi was given full reigns to pick whatever he wanted Tenzō to wear, and after many objections, somehow got him to wear a white sleeveless hoodie.

“You know this shirt makes me look like I actively go to the gym and I don’t.” Tenzō whispers just loud enough for only Kakashi to hear him.

“I don’t see a con in this?” Kakashi snickers while thumbing through some shirts on the clothes rack in front of him. “Could have fooled me though. Your biceps are nice.”

“I mean I do go to the gym, but not enough to really just wear this.” Tenzō gestures towards his shirt hoping he can somehow get out of wearing it. It is quite possibly too late considering Kakashi already bought it, but still. This is definitely not an outfit that fit him.

“Lift your shirt. I want to check something.” Kakashi squints at him, waiting for him to lift his shirt. Tenzō lifts the shirt like he was told but is completely oblivious as to why Kakashi wanted him to do this.

“Okay?” A little annoyance in his tone does not really speed up Kakashi explaining anything. Kakashi walks over to close the gap between them and stares deeply at Tenzō’s abdomen.

“You have abs. I think you earn the right to wear a shirt that looks like you go to the gym.” Kakashi laughs and strolls right back to the clothes. “Besides you should show off a little anyway. You have a hot body, no reason to be shy about it.”

“I am not shy! I just... wait, did you just say I’m hot?” Probably the only reason Tenzō is not burning right up to his ears is the pure fact that the comment caught him off guard and he did not trust what he heard.

“Yes, well, I said your body is hot, but if we want to be technical... you are hot.” Amazingly enough, Kakashi says all of this without batting an eye. It is like saying this is the easiest thing in the world or as if he is stating a fact like the sky is blue. Tenzō could not believe Kakashi can actually not feel embarrassed about it either.

“I... uh, thank you?” Tenzō stutters while his blush finally catches up to him.

“Let’s get you some different shoes so we can head to the water.” And with that, they’re hand in hand out the store and back on the sidewalk making their way through the crowd. Kakashi intertwines their fingers together which makes Tenzō flush worse than he already was. They pass different people idly as Kakashi looks for a stand or store that sells shoes, and Tenzō wants to help in the search but his mind is too occupied with other thoughts.

Tenzō has spent almost an entire month trying to make sure he does not end up repeating everything he did with Kakashi before, but here he is, holding hands with Kakashi Hatake. Man, if he told himself three months ago that he would be in this situation right now, his past self would laugh in his face. A good portion of him is actually just screaming internally at how he just fell into this predicament. He wanted them to be friends. Plain and simple. No holding hands. No flirting. Most of all, no kissing because after that is just a slippery slope of falling in love and dating and all that stupid crap he did not want. Yeah, falling in love and dating doesn’t imply the world will end, but doing those things with Kakashi is flat out terrifying and incredibly stupid beyond belief.

He scolded himself ten times over, but he cannot force himself to let go of Kakashi’s hand. His mind can remind him over and over how bad of an idea this is, but his heart... his heart aches. That good portion that did not want this left a sliver of hope that prays that this is all meant to be. He continuously prepares for the worst, but a piece of him longs for the best. And that best he wishes for, is Kakashi loving him and only him.

“Okay, pick a pair of flip flops. We can go walk by the shore.” Kakashi points over at a stand with cheap flip flops with his free hand while his other remains in Tenzō’s grasp. “I’ll pay, don’t worry.” Kakashi nudges him. Tenzō takes in a deep breath hoping when he breathes out his stress will go away. He points at a plain black pair and breathes out. It did not quite work, because when Kakashi smiles at him, his heart skips.

“Let’s hurry up.” Tenzō spits out and rips his hand away. His mind could not wrap around the situation. One second he is okay and the next he’s not. He walks away from the stand while Kakashi is buying the shoes. He just needed a second to think.

Kakashi is next to him rather quickly, faster than Tenzō expected. He did not get a chance to order his thoughts, and only found his anxiety building. Kakashi does not say anything and just starts heading towards the beach. Tenzō assumes this is Kakashi’s way of acknowledging that there is something wrong. He got used to Kakashi being this way, even when they were younger. If there was a problem with Tenzō, Kakashi never pried. He let it be until Tenzō was ready.

Tenzō follows him to where the sand starts and Kakashi drops the new flip flops on the ground to let Tenzō put them on. Tenzō sighs and kicks off his socks and shoes. He shoves them in his bag with his shirt and slips on his flip flops. By the time he gets his new shoes on, Kakashi is already half way to the water. Tenzō takes his time, not really wanting to rush. If Kakashi wants to go on ahead then so be it.

Tenzō tried to focus on his breathing and ignore the impending doom his anxiety keeps forming in his head. He just wants to simply be happy, but his fears continue to swallow him whole. He did not understand why his emotions are running wild today. Yeah sure, he cried the other day in front of Kakashi, but he believed they made progress aside from the kissing. They might have actually made progress like he assumed, but he cannot stop himself from wanting to rip down everything they created. Considerably bad timing for his worries to rear its ugly head out into the open since he is at the beach with Kakashi. Maybe agreeing to this trip was a bad idea. He wasn’t ready for this. He isn’t ready now.

Tenzō finally reaches the water without fully realizing it. His toes touch the wet sand and the freezing temperatures shock him back into reality just long enough for him to back up. He looks out at the ocean and Kakashi is knee deep wading in the icy waves. Kakashi looks lost in thought as much as Tenzō was. Tenzō wants to call out except his mind screams to leave the man alone. He opens his mouth, but he cannot form words. His thoughts won him over, convincing him that it is safer keeping this distance. His heart yearns to run to Kakashi’s side, but his feet continue to sink into the sand.

Tenzō takes a few steps back til he reaches dry sand and drops his bag. He then plops down, completely aware that he will regret sitting in the sand later, but right now, he does not care. He wants to sit and relax. Hopefully relaxing his body can put his brain at ease.

He watches Kakashi for a few minutes almost wondering how the hell he ended up here. The situation is almost laughable. Just the two of them together, and somehow, they are okay. Tenzō is starting to let go of the imminent disaster he held onto when they first started talking. Their kiss, as much as he does not want to admit, changed things. Of course, he can pretend that day never happened, but his heart knows it did. And the worst part about it all is the fact that after their kiss, the world kept turning. Life did not end as he knew it. Everything was fine. Everything... is fine.

Surely, that cannot be bad. Tenzō knows if he says this out loud to anyone that they would think he is crazy. How could nothing going wrong be so devastating? Well, the fear that something, anything can happen at any moment that can destroy everything... that is the worst part. Yeah, nothing happened... yet. Does that really guarantee Kakashi won’t break his heart though?

“You done spacing out?” Kakashi sits down next to him. Tenzō did not notice the man walking up, nor leave the water, but he pretends he is not completely surprised.

“Uh, yeah... sorry.” Tenzō mumbles while keeping his gaze on the ocean. It is calming to simply watch the waves, but he knows he is going to have to look at Kakashi at some point.

“Something on your mind?”

“Yeah,” he says this in a way where he could not hide his own melancholy. He did not want to let Kakashi in, but he longs for everything he has. He hopes maybe if he just admits what is wrong, his feelings of despair will leave him.

“I know I don’t usually bother people when they are upset, but... I’m kind of worried it is my fault.” Kakashi hit the nail on the head that’s for sure. Tenzō lets out a sigh, knowing full well that he should probably come clean and stop whatever the hell he is doing.

“I like you, Kakashi.” Tenzō continues to stare out at the water.

“I like you too.” This was the response Tenzō feared, but he knew it was coming. They would stupidly fall for each other just as easy as the first time, and he hates himself for it.

“I didn’t want this to happen.” Tenzō chances a small glance at Kakashi long enough to see confusion begin to form on his face. “I know I sound weird, but I really didn’t want us to just fall back into what we did before.”

“I don’t think we are. Things are different.”

“How?”

“Well, one we are older. Rin is not around, and even if she was, I wouldn’t go back to her.” Kakashi pauses and looks at Tenzō. “There is no one else in the picture. Only you. I only like you.”

“Who is to say that there won’t be anyone later? I don’t want to commit to you, because... I can’t go through that again. I don’t want to be replaced.” They both sit quietly; the only audible sounds are the waves crashing against the shore and the faint cawing of seagulls. The smell of the ocean is quite possibly the only thing keeping Tenzō so calm. The world around him is too serene to let his anger boil over. And to be quite honest, he does not hold any negative emotions in this moment except maybe worry and even then, his anxieties are slowly melting away the more he talks.

“I... understand.” Kakashi looks forward towards the water now. “I don’t know what to say, and I usually do.”

“I know you can’t tell the future, so I’m not surprised that you don’t have anything to say.”

“It’s not that I don’t have anything to say, it’s just hard. I made a mistake, and I know it won’t be easy to earn your trust back.” He makes a face as if he is debating on what to say. “But, I just wanted to thank you for at least giving me a chance to be your friend, and I’m going to make sure I don’t fuck it up again.”

“You promise?” After what felt like a century, they both look at each other and smile.

“I promise, Tenzō.”

———

Kakashi digs through his backpack searching for his keys to his apartment while Tenzō stands idly by. They finally returned from their beach trip and somehow, Tenzō had agreed to spend the night at Kakashi’s apartment for the night. Considering how tired Tenzō is from such a long day, he is not particularly alarmed by such a decision. He only thought about sleeping in a bed at this point. With it already being night time, and the only lights around are dimly lit provided from the apartment complex, Tenzō is burning out fast. Hell, he could probably sit down right where he is standing and fall asleep. It’s dark enough, why not?

The door clicks open and a dog yipping makes Tenzō jump. His groggy eyes look around wondering if someone else’s apartment has a dog that they so rudely woke up, but he drags his vision down to Kakashi’s feet. The source of the dog is none other than an old brown fat pug padding on the ground around Kakashi’s ankles. Tenzō stares for a few seconds as his brain catches up, and he suddenly gets a burst of energy when he realizes who the pug is.

“Pakkun!” Tenzō shouts just a tad too loud, and he blushes a little, embarrassed that he yelled when there are probably people who are trying to sleep. The pug barks up at Tenzō and licks his ankle.

“You remember him?” Kakashi asks tiredly while leading his dog back into the apartment. Tenzō follows inside and quickly picks up Pakkun. He grunts, not expecting the dog to be so heavy. Pakkun weighed practically nothing when they were kids.

“Of course, I do. How can you forget Pakkun?” Tenzō holds the pug while it licks his face. “You remember me, don’t you?” He coos at the dog, ignoring Kakashi’s judging face.

“Nice to know my dog is on better terms with you than I am.” Kakashi scoffs and walks down the hallway off to the side of the living room. Tenzō paid little to no attention of what the inside of the apartment even looks like. He really did not care either way, and the lights all being off made it hard for him to acknowledge it anyway. He strolls down the hall, still carrying Pakkun, and enters Kakashi’s room that is also unsurprisingly poorly lit. The only light source that is on is a lamp in the farthest corner of the room.

“Pakkun did nothing wrong.” Tenzō snickers and puts the dog down. Kakashi throws his shirt off and puts it in a hamper near the door. He then kicks off his shorts and Tenzō spins around, his mind already going places he doesn’t want them to go. “What are you doing?”

“I’m changing?” Tenzō can hear ruffling and he only assumes Kakashi must be putting on different clothes. “I have shorts to sleep in if you want to change too.”

“Uh, yeah?” He slowly looks back at Kakashi who is only wearing shorts, and his bare chest is completely exposed. Tenzō takes in a deep breath and turns his body back around to face Kakashi. Looking at Kakashi who has clearly matured in these past few years half naked is almost the equivalent of ripping off a band aid. He really did not want to do it, but at the same time, he wanted to.

The man clearly works out because his abs are more defined than Tenzō can handle. He finally breathes out, nearly forgetting he has a respiratory system that works. Who needs lungs when Kakashi can take his breathe away anyway?

“I should have some in here.” Kakashi says this while walking up to the dresser near his bed. He pulls the drawer open and pulls out a pair of loose fit shorts. He then holds them out for Tenzō to take. “These should be fine, right?” Tenzō nods aggressively and grabs the shorts.

“Yep, fine.” He feels his entire body stiffen as his eyes stay glued to Kakashi’s body. His brain could not stop absorbing in the sight in front of him. It is driving him insane and he partially wishes Kakashi will sleep in a shirt or he might just die.

“Okay, well, I’m going to go use the restroom. You can change in here.” Kakashi slips out of the room and shuts the door behind him. Tenzō mouths, ‘Oh my God’ to himself, not wanting anyone, even himself, to hear his mild freak out.

Kakashi is hot and that is... that is a huge problem. Tenzō, sleep deprived, still can’t restrain his mind from doing backflips. How the hell is he going to sleep here? Oh crap. It dawns on him. Where on earth is he actually going to sleep, because if they share a bed... well, he does not want to think about the possibilities of what could happen there.

He remembers he should change and changes his shorts. He stares down at his sleeveless hoodie debating on if he should take it off. He normally doesn’t sleep without a shirt, but he kind of didn’t want to sleep in this one. Tenzō prays that he doesn’t share a bed now, because skin to skin... he is going to die.

“Okay, Tenzō, it’s just one night.” He whispers and takes off his shirt. “I’ll survive. I’ll survive. I’ll survive.” He says this as a mantra in hopes that if he says it enough times, it will be true.

The door clicks open, startling Tenzō. He swings around to face the entrance of the room, and Kakashi stands there with one eyebrow quirked up.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, Yep... Yes.” Tenzō almost kicks himself for saying yes three different ways. It almost made it too obvious that he is in fact not okay.

He absentmindedly pats his side trying to probe his pockets for his phone, but quickly recalls that he changed his shorts. He drops to the ground to dig into his shorts for his phone and successfully finds it. He stares at his screen without turning it on, trying to remember why he exactly just dug for his phone. Tenzō purses his lips and just concludes that he did it because he did not have his phone when he blankly looked for it.

“Couldn’t find your phone?” Kakashi shuts the door but he still looks clearly confused.

“Uh, yeah,” Tenzō tries to brainstorm of an excuse and unlocks his phone to see a message on his screen.

‘From Iruka: You coming back tonight? Are you okay?’

Tenzō smiles. Somehow the message made him happy. It is a nice feeling to know someone cares about him. He quickly taps out a message back.

‘Yeah, I’m going to spend the night at Kakashi’s so I won’t be back tonight.’

“Is it Iruka?” Kakashi sits down on his bed making the mattress creak. Tenzō looks up at him to respond but his phone lights up again showing a new message.

‘From Iruka: Okay, be safe :)’

“Yeah, it was Iruka.” He lets out a small laugh and locks his phone. He will reply to Iruka tomorrow.

“Hmmm, okay. Want to go to bed? I’m pretty tired.” Kakashi smiles tiredly, making Tenzō’s heart skip a beat. Can Kakashi just not for at least a minute? Tenzō can barely take it.

“Yeah... where am I sleeping?” Tenzō starts praying Kakashi will say the couch even though he made this decision to stay the night while wanting to sleep in the closest bed possible. When they were younger they did not sleep in the same bed, and Tenzō became accustomed to sleeping on the ground so that was another option he is willing to take. Normally, he would not expect Kakashi to offer his bed, but noticing that he upgraded from a twin-size bed to a queen made this assumption completely plausible. So, basically if his fears come true, tonight will be his first night sleeping with Kakashi.

Tenzō’s brain derails when he registers that he will sleep with Kakashi. Truly, the first thought is entirely innocent. They will just be in the same bed... and sleep. Nothing else. That is not a difficult task. The bed is large enough that they probably will not touch each other the whole night.

But, what if they do? What if it is just simple arms brushing and somehow, they’re spooning? It could easily escalate even further to making out again, and God forbid, wandering hands go where they wish. The next step is just having sex, and Tenzō panics all over again. He does not even have condoms on him if the situation does arise. To be honest, he never bought condoms in his life, because none of his relationships ever gotten that far.

Would it be weird if he simply steps out and runs to the nearest convenience store just in case? Probably. No, yes, it will be. This scenario his brain continues to conjure probably won’t happen. Possibly less than a five percent chance of actually occurring, but that five percent sure is menacing to Tenzō.

“We can just share my bed? It’s big enough, but if you don’t want to, I don’t mind taking the couch.” Kakashi answers him, nearly crashing Tenzō out of his stupor.

“No, you don’t need to sleep on the couch.” Tenzō speaks robotically while he tries to remember of any close stores he can possibly run to without Kakashi noticing. But let’s be honest, there’s no way he can run to any store and back in a reasonable amount of time. Wait, if they were to hypothetically have sex, what are the chances Kakashi actually has condoms? He probably does, right? Tenzō does actually have some in his dorm that he was given for free on campus for STD awareness week awhile back, so Kakashi might have some, right? “Do you have condoms?”

Tenzō blanks when he hears his thoughts out loud. Suddenly, all his fears vanish and embarrassment overrides every single fiber in his body. He feels himself gaping, and he knows he is doing this at his sheer amazement that he actually just said that. He drags his gaze to Kakashi when he was previously staring off into space while he was thinking, and Kakashi is completely wide eyed with his mouth slightly parted open. Tenzō really did it now, and he wishes he can just melt into a puddle and evaporate. But no, they both just stare at each other too shocked to speak and blushing so much that it reaches their ears.

“I... yeah, I do. I didn’t know you wanted to...” Kakashi runs a hand down his face and groans. His face is so red that he looks like a Christmas ornament. “Get it together, Kakashi.” He whispers to himself, but Tenzō heard him crystal clear. Maybe the embarrassment gave him super hearing because everything in the world sounds so much louder.

“I...” Tenzō croaks and his throat tightens. Now, he is calculating like a madman how far campus is from the apartment so he can get away from here as fast as possible.

“Yes, I have condoms. Did you... want to have sex?” Kakashi drops his hand, but his face is still cherry red. “I mean I am not against it. We totally can if y-”

“No, no! I... how do I explain this? It’s not that I don’t want to have sex with you. I do, but I... what am I saying!?” He racks his brain to figure out how to explain why he asked that question.

“You want to have sex with me?”

“I don’t!”

“You don’t want to have sex with me then?”

“But, I do... it’s just...” Tenzō groans.

“You thought that if you spent the night, we would have sex?”

“Yes! Wait, no? No!” He lets out an exasperated sigh, annoyed that he cannot keep his thoughts straight.

“What is going on?” Kakashi’s blush seems to be going away now.

“I just I don’t know. I thought if I slept with you... that I would _sleep_ with you.” Sadly, Tenzō’s flushed cheeks remain a bright crimson.

“Oh... Oh.” Kakashi blinks as if that’ll help him absorb this new information. “Did you want to?”

“I want to, but not now? I’m not ready or prepared? We also aren’t actually together, and I don’t know if I want to jump that far.”

“Then why did you ask if I have condoms?”

“I panicked and just you know, plan for anything? I haven’t actually done _it_ yet, and I got scared.” He deflates a tad after admitting this. He knows Kakashi has a couple of years on him and probably the experience, so he kind of wanted to hide the fact that he is still a virgin. He is aware there is no shame in this fact, but he really was going for the whole ‘I’m older and more mature’ schtick and of course, panicking at the mere thought of having sex ruins this act.

“Oh, well, I have condoms. So, you don’t need to stress about that. But I understand, you don’t need to worry.” Kakashi’s lips twitch upward like he is trying to hide a smile. “We can just sleep. I promise I won’t do anything you are not comfortable with.”

“Have you had sex before?” Tenzō already knows the answer, but he still wanted to make sure. It might be more comforting in the long run if Kakashi knows what to do, but at the same time, he hoped that the man is just as scared as him.

“Yes, I have.” He pauses. “But I have only had sex with women.”

“Wait, so you have no experience with guys?”

“If you don’t count you when we were younger than no. I haven’t done anything with a man.” He smiles. “I’m... a little scared too, but I don’t mind trying with you.”

“Not tonight though.”

“Yeah, I know. You want to go to bed, now?” Kakashi pats the bed and Tenzō nods happily. Just like that, Tenzō feels significantly better. His worries almost appear insignificant after everything that has happened today. He only hopes Kakashi keeps his promises that he made today.

Kakashi pulls back the blankets and lies down closer to the wall. Tenzō flips the switch and crawls into bed next to Kakashi. Tenzō lies on his side facing away from Kakashi while the latter faces the wall. They both lie there quiet, but Tenzō hears a small pitter patter in the room until the bed shakes. Pakkun snorts and made his way to the top of the bed. The small pug settles down in front of Tenzō’s chest.

“Traitor,” Kakashi whispers and Pakkun makes a small ‘boof’ noise making Tenzō chuckle. The bed shifts and Tenzō feels an arm slink around his waist. “Can I?”

“Yeah,” Tenzō whispers back and snuggles into Kakashi’s hold.

“Goodnight, Tenzō.” He feels Kakashi nuzzle into the nape of his neck.

“Goodnight,” Tenzō feels a small smile tug at his lips. He realizes finally that his worries did not even matter. Honestly, if he went to sleep like this every night, he would be the happiest man on earth.

Tenzō closes his eyes and listens to Kakashi’s light breathing along with Pakkun’s snoring. Tenzō _is_ the happiest man on earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I did... not plan for this chapter to be 8.5k words but here we are. I knew this chapter was going to reach 7k, and sadly, I cut out a lot so this could have been significantly longer. I really couldn't bring myself to cut out the part where they go back to the apartment. I could have easily shoved it into chapter 8, but oh well. I'm most likely going to be taking two weeks to update from now on. The chapters will definitely not reach these lengths anymore. I just need extra time to write because I am back in school. I will try to keep up and finish Please Stay though.


	8. Unsteady Waters

_“I can’t believe you live in a gated community.” Kakashi announced while looking around Tenzō’s large living room. “You even have a fire place! A real one!” Kakashi pointed at the brick fire place as amazement continued to wave over him._

_“It’s not that big of a deal, right?” Tenzō blushed. He was not aware that living in such a large house was not ‘normal’. He did notice that Kakashi’s house is only about a fraction of the size of his, but still... it really can’t be that shocking._

_“How many bedrooms does your house have!?” Kakashi yelled loud enough to make his voice echo in the room. “Unbelievable. Your house ECHOES!”_

_“There’s uh five bedrooms, and one that got turned into an office. So, originally six.” Tenzō frowned as he tried to count how many rooms are in his house. He never actually stopped to think about it. It was almost embarrassing that he did not automatically know._

_“It’s only you and your dad that live here? Why have so many more bedrooms?” Kakashi continued to roam around the room still in shock._

_“Good question. I don’t know. I guess... my dad just likes big houses?”_

_“What does your dad do to have so much money?” He pulled down his mask and B-lined toward the staircase in the hall just outside the living room. “Is that a bad question? You don’t have to answer that.”_

_“Uh my dad has a business partnership where they both own... ANBU? I don’t know what the business really is, but it doesn’t have to do with Anbu State if you were wondering. He also owns a separate business called Root Corp.”_

_Kakashi froze half way up the stairs and turned around to look at him completely wide eyed. Kakashi swiftly looked up the stairs and then back at Tenzō._

_“So, you’re the son of a man who owns two business companies?”_

_“Well, one of them is a partnership, but yes.”_

_“Wow,” Kakashi plopped down on the step he was standing on. “Why don’t we hang out over here? It’s nicer.” Tenzō shook his head almost immediately. The idea that they spend time together in this house was not particularly one Tenzō ever wanted to consider. He could probably list off many reasons as to why they should not even be here now._

_“Come here.” He said this in a hushed tone and waited for Kakashi to take slow steps back down. Tenzō shushed him and tilted his head to try to point at the corner of the hall. Kakashi raised an eyebrow and glanced where Tenzō gestured. “You see it?” He whispered, knowing full well Kakashi can see the camera glaring at them from the far end of the hallway._

_“Camera?” Kakashi whispered back, and Tenzō nodded slowly. “Why?”_

_“Well, he is a paranoid man. Of course, if people ask, it’s because of burglars. It’s the truth... kind of.” He lowered his head a little hoping this can block the view of his mouth._

_“Kind of?”_

_“He watches me too. I have to be underneath his thumb at all times, because he thinks I’ll one day step out of line.” He sighed and faked a smile up at Kakashi. “Get it now?”_

_“Yeah,” Kakashi smirked, but Tenzō could tell that was also faked._

_A jingling noise from the front door made them both jump and spin around. The two of them watch the door open and an older man in a suit stand in the entrance. The man squinted at them and frowned, deepening the wrinkles below his mouth._

_“A guest?” A gravelly voice escaped his dry lips, and Tenzō hastily nodded._

_“Yes, this is my friend, Kakashi Hatake.” Tenzō lightly elbowed Kakashi trying to get him to introduce himself._

_“Yeah, I am Kakashi Hatake.” He paused and looked at Tenzō. Tenzō aggressively mouthed ‘nice to meet you’ to keep Kakashi talking. “Nice to meet you, sir.”_

_“Mmm, I was not wanting guests at this hour. So, may I please ask you to leave?” His voice was gruff but stern. Kakashi gaped at the request. Tenzō dropped his head not wanting to cause a scene by any facial expression he might make._

_“Y-Yeah, I was just heading out anyway. I’ll see you at school, Tenzō.” Tenzō watched Kakashi’s feet as he walked out of the house. Tenzō knew he was in trouble and he almost wished he could leave too. The door closed and he bit his lip. Somehow, making Kakashi leave hurt more than he expected._

_His father took even steps on the hardwood floor, making the boards squeak ever so slightly. His shoes knocked on the ground with every step and Tenzō feared his heartbeat was louder than the sound he was already hearing._

_Tenzō was not a fearful child, but that did not make him fearless either. His father ruled their house with an iron fist and was strict inside these thick walls. Tenzō had to act, walk, and talk the way his father wanted. He had to be the son his father prided about. Tenzō was going to be the head of the ANBU and Root Corp one day, and he had to be perfect._

_Of course, it did not bother him at first. He was simply happy to have a father and to be wanted. He was not sure when he realized his father specifically only wanted him so that the business wouldn’t go to his business partner. It was a bitter feeling to realize that he was adopted for such a thing, but what he is going to inherit is probably something he shouldn’t complain about._

_“Son, don’t talk to that boy anymore.” The man lightly gripped Tenzō’s shoulder for a moment and then proceeds to walk passed him, his cane almost completely in sync with his footsteps. Tenzō grit his teeth as he forced down any protest. He wanted to ask why or dare say no, but he couldn’t._

_“Okay, father.”_

————

Tenzō rolls in his bed and pulls his blanket over his head to block the sunlight peering through the window. He did not have class or work today, so he is definitely planning to abuse this to sleep in. He peeks out from under his blanket to see Iruka is already gone and the bed already made. He closes his eyes as he tries to remember if his roommate has class or working a morning shift. He could not remember. Either way, Iruka is gone and Tenzō has the room to himself.

A month has passed since he went to the beach with Kakashi. Amazingly their relationship has not particularly progressed. They stayed as friends, but nothing beyond that. No hand holding, cuddling, or kissing. Tenzō wanted to blame their busy schedules when midterms hit them, but he still was not sure if that was entirely it.

He likes Kakashi and he does want more. He can admit to that openly now. And yet, he never vocalized this to Kakashi. Yes, he told Kakashi that he likes him, but he also made it very clear that he did not want anything more back then. Sadly, he has reached a point where he wants more but has no idea how to erase the line he has drawn.

He turns onto his side hoping to find a more comfortable position to fall back to sleep in. It was fruitless, but he can at least say he tried. He groans and kicks his blanket off of him accepting that he is awake and his mind is going. He picks up his phone to see three new messages. One of which from his father while the other two are from Kakashi. 

‘From Father: I need you to come home for a dinner party tonight. I will send a driver to pick you up by 5PM. I have a suit ready for you.’

‘From piece of shit: goodmorning’

‘From piece of shit: want to hang out today?’

He sighs. As much as he wanted to immediately reply ‘yes’ to Kakashi, he knows he cannot get out of plans his father creates. He did not want any part in a dinner party, but as the only son, he has to show up.

He burries his face into his pillow and drops his phone on the bed. He is already praying if he closes his eyes that it will just be tomorrow. He hates having to do anything for his father that has to do with business. Everything must be perfect including Tenzō. It was tough standards to live by and he knows he is going to lie through the entire night. He almost feels like he is acting as some weird role of the ideal son and it appears that Tenzō will have to live through another day pretending he is something he is not.

———

Tenzō made it home like his father requested and is wearing the suit that was prepared for him. A navy blue that is tailored to fit him. He hated these professional settings, but he never complains about the outfits. It made Tenzō feel a tad more confident in himself.

He leans against the railing of the stairs of his house, the exact house he grew up in for as long as he can remember. The floorboards creek all the same and the smell takes him back. He never truly had fond memories of this place, but he cannot say he had awful memories either. This house is not home to him even if he lived in it all his life, but he concludes that his feelings must be because of how indifferent he is about his life nowadays.

His father steps towards him, his shoes echoing on the wooden floor. The sound is all too familiar.

“It has been awhile since I last saw you. How is school? Have you started your business classes?” His father asks as a desperate attempt for small talk. Tenzō chews on his cheek while trying to recall the many lies he has told his dad. One of which being the fact that he is majoring in business. Considering that he is undeclared, he will have to make sure he keeps track of this lie in particular.

“School is fine. I am taking one class, but it is not difficult.” Tenzō fiddles with one of the buttons on his suit jacket and keeps his gaze away.

“That is good to hear. You are smart. I am glad that your class is not difficult.”

The conversation could not feel any stiffer than it already is. It is suffocating. Tenzō takes in a deep breath and exhales. Somehow, every time he talks to his father, he forgets how to breathe. It’s a simple bodily function, but his brain refuses to work anyway.

“I’m going to head up to my room for a minute.” Tenzō grips the rail he was leaning on. His heart is ramming against his chest. Anxiety getting to him quicker than he expected.

“Okay, be quick. We will have guests soon.”

Tenzō nods all while spinning around and bounding up the stairs. He would rather be anywhere else but here. Sadly, he has no choice out of it and has to pull himself together and get his thoughts straightened out. It is amazing how quickly his worries could be one or two things, but when his father is involved... those worries can multiply at alarming rates. He can probably count off about hundred problems he has being in the situation he is currently in and all having to do with his dad.

He makes it to his room and shuts the door behind him. His eyes rake over the room before throwing himself on the bed. Tenzō rolls onto his back and presses his hands against his face. Nothing about his room has changed. It looks like his room has been stuck in time and just being in it takes him back a few years.

This dinner will only be a few hours. He keeps trying to remind himself that. He can handle it. Surviving a few hours is not that difficult. He drops his hands and focuses on his breathing.

He pulls out his phone to check the time. The screen lights up to reveal a quarter ‘til 6PM so guests will be here soon like his father had said. He checks his messages and notices he never replied to Kakashi this morning. Quickly concluding that it is not too late to respond, he types out a message to Kakashi.

‘Dinner party at home. Sorry I never responded.’

Tenzō glances down at his outfit and a smirk tugs against his cheeks. Showing off his suit to Kakashi is the first thing to come to mind, and fishing for compliments from the person he likes sounded pretty good. He pushes himself off the bed and poses in front of his body mirror next to the door. After about twenty different pictures, he settles for one and sends it to Kakashi.

He paces for a few minutes waiting for a reply, but there’s nothing. Kakashi must be busy. He groans and decides he just needs to head back downstairs. Waiting for a reply might not even happen all night. Tenzō shoves his phone in his pocket and drags himself out of his room.

He makes his way back down the stairs and immediately starts to look for his father. Only about twenty people have shown up but knowing his father, another twenty to thirty are sure to arrive. Unsurprisingly, they are all in their sixties or nearing it and they all look excruciatingly pompous. Nothing Tenzō did not expect. Almost every dinner party is filled with self-important pricks that his dad is trying to win over for the business.

Tenzō catches his dad walking into the front room with a short man around the same age. He makes his way over to his dad, somewhat barging into their conversation.

“Hey, sorry I lost track of time. I should have been down here sooner.” Tenzō frowns and presses his arm to his side. Out of habit, he was about to scratch the back of his head, but it is... improper in his current setting.

“It is fine, son.” His father nods at him. The bags underneath his dad’s eyes look more noticeable than they did half an hour ago. The short elderly man next to him chuckles catching their attention.

“Danzō, this is your son, Tenzō? My, he has grown so much. I remember he used to be this tall.” The man holds his hand out toward his waist and chuckles once more.

“Yes, Hiruzen. I know it has been awhile. My son has grown up. He is in college now. He takes business classes to prepare to work for me.” His father smirks at the shorter man. Tenzō recollects that his dad’s business partner’s name is Hiruzen, so this man must be him.

“Oh, that’s great. My eldest son has been doing work for me lately.”

“Is he here?”

“Oh, no. He needed to stay home to help take care of his son. Seems Konohamaru is not feeling well.”

“Konohamaru? I almost forgot you have a grandson now.”

Tenzō looks around, somewhat wishing he can find a way to step out of their conversation. It is not like he is really participating in it anyway. He is practically a wall right now since they seem to have forgotten he is there.

He pulls his phone out of his pant pocket to see if Kakashi ever responded. A message lights up his screen.

‘From piece of shit: it’s fine at least you look good ;)’

Tenzō forces his smile down and puts his phone away. This is not the time to get butterflies over Kakashi flirting with him. He looks back up at the two men who are still carrying on with the conversation that Tenzō so easily tuned out. Maybe he can sneak away without them noticing.

“Ah, Tenzō. We must be boring you. I brought my younger son along. He should be around your age if you want to talk to someone who isn’t... old like us.” Hiruzen lets out an old raspy laugh. The invitation was probably genuine, but Tenzō had no interest to go talk to someone who ‘should be’ around his age. Hiruzen’s son is probably a kid and he has no interest in entertaining a child.

“Oh, you guys aren’t boring me. I’ll be sure to greet him when I can.” Another lie for the night. If Tenzō could get a career in lying, he would be the best there is.

“Son, go say hello to his boy for me. Hiruzen and I must go discuss something important.” Danzō lifts his arm and rest his hand on Tenzō’s shoulder. Danzō tightens his grip for a moment before dropping his arm back to his side.

“Oh, okay, father.” Tenzō answers out of habit. Whenever his father grips his shoulder it became a reflex to just say okay and do whatever his father told him to do. Tenzō remembers a concept similar to this in one of his psychology classes. Pavlov’s dog? Something like that. A conditioned response where those dogs salivate at the sound of a bell - similar to whenever his shoulder is gripped. It annoyed him that his father has that much control over him, but thankfully, he never asked for too much - recently.

The two older men excuse themselves, leaving Tenzō standing alone in the front room. It did not occur to him a few seconds ago, but he has no idea where Hiruzen’s son is, let alone what the person looks like. He sighs. Tenzō did not plan to agree to a wild goose chase, but some things cannot be avoided.

He makes his way outside wondering if the guy also wanted some type of escape from this party. He looks around and notices a younger man with a short beard lighting a cigarette on the porch. He wore a dark gray suit but his tie is loosened which made him look a tad disheveled. Probably mid-twenties if Tenzō is guessing right. Could that be Hiruzen’s son? Tenzō was expecting someone younger. The man looks at him and smirks.

“Tired of the old people too?” The man takes a drag of his cigarette. Tenzō quickly scans the area trying to make sure this man is actually talking to him. “Whatcha looking around for? I’m talking to you.” The man points at him with his cigarette in hand.

“Oh, uh I suppose. I take it that you are not enjoying yourself?” Tenzō takes a few steps towards him. Might as well talk to this guy instead of look for that child of Hiruzen’s.

“Pshh. Something like that. What are you here for? My dad dragged me along.” He blows out smoke and looks out towards the street. Tenzō couldn’t help but wonder who the hell this guy’s dad is.

“My dad wanted me to come too.” Tenzō chews on the inside of his cheek wondering if he was too vague. He really meant the ‘too’ to be that both of their father’s dragged them along, but after saying it, it sounded strange. “I mean like yeah, my dad dragged me along like you.”

“Well, aren’t we the luckiest guys in the world?”

“Probably not.” Tenzō mumbles in response. This guy is probably the only guy close to him in age and he has no idea what to say to him.

“Wanna get out of here for a bit?” The man takes another drag. “I saw some golf course a few blocks away. We can go hang out there?”

Tenzō looks back into the house through the front window. He can see a few people talking in the front room, but no sign of his father or Hiruzen. He glances back at the smoking man as he weighs his options. Surely, stepping away for a bit won’t hurt, right? His father might not even notice him gone. Fuck it.

“Yeah, sure. Let’s get out of here.” Tenzō said as he steps off the porch. He knows this is a risky decision considering the fact that he has no idea who this guy is, but this was his own small way to rebel against his father tonight. Thankfully, going for a walk is nothing crazy.

They walk down the side walk for about a block before the guy drops his cigarette and steps on it to put it out. Tenzō stops a few feet ahead of him and watches the man pull something out of his pocket.

“You don’t mind if I smoke, right?” The man pulls a lighter out of his other pocket. Tenzō raises an eyebrow, confused by the question. The man was just smoking? Why would he suddenly be bothered if he smokes now?

“You were already smoking?”

“Oh, no. I mean uh... this isn’t a cigarette.” He holds up a white rolled up joint, and Tenzō nearly rolls his eyes at his own stupidity.

“Oh, yeah, that’s fine. I don’t care.” Truth be told, Tenzō is actually scared shitless. Magically through his entire high school experience he never came across marijuana and even in college, nothing. He couldn’t even remember a single thing he learned about the drug and worries this entire experience might actually get him in trouble.

“Cool. You smoke?” The guys asks.

Of course, Tenzō does not smoke, but would he look uncool if he says no? He racks his brain for probably a solid ten seconds before conjuring yet another lie.

“Yeah, just not often, ya know? I can only do it when I’m not home.” Tenzō smirks at the handiwork of such a shitty story. This guy won’t believe this bullshit.

“Oh, I understand. My dad doesn’t know shit either.” He pauses for a moment, looking Tenzō up and down. “Wanna smoke with me?”

All the gears in Tenzō’s brain are moving and fifteen billion answers are screaming their way to the top. About ninety percent of them were all variations of saying ‘no’, but somehow, when Tenzō’s mouth moved, a different response slid off his tongue.

“Yeah, sure,” and this one little line changed the entire direction for this god forsaken night.

———

They both lie sprawled out on the clean-cut grass of the golf course higher than they should be, but nothing can really stop them now. Tenzō stares at the empty black sky. No stars in the city, but for some reason, he was sad that they are absent. It was not out of the ordinary for him to not see anything, but he wished if he had to stare at the sky, there would at least be something to look at.

“This golf course was a good idea. Empty. Quiet. It’s nice.” The guy next to him had his eyes closed. Tenzō smiles and runs his hand on the grass. Maybe it is still a tad peaceful without the twinkling lights in the sky.

“Yeah,” Tenzō whispers. He feels lighter and more relaxed than he has been in a while. The guy next to him checks his phone and drops it onto the grass. Tenzō blinks at him, suddenly registering that he still doesn’t know this person’s name, but it might be too awkward to ask now.

“My girl just got off work.” He smiles.

“Your girl?” Tenzō asks.

“My girlfriend. You know, my girl. The love of my life thing.” He turns his head to face Tenzō, his eyes now wide open. “You got a girlfriend?”

“Oh, no.” For a moment, Tenzō ponders the idea of calling Kakashi his boyfriend, but he is aware that he drew a line where him and Kakashi are definitely not an item.

“Really? You’re a good-looking guy. I’m surprised.”

“What? No, I’m pretty average. Besides... I don’t really want a girlfriend. My dad would be breathing down my neck to get married and have kids immediately.” Tenzō feels laughter bubbling up inside him when he put thought into his statement. He has been chasing after guys for so long that he never even thought he would get with a woman. Come to think of it. That’s another lie he has told his father. Tenzō likes women, sure, but his dad might just drop dead if he knew Tenzō also likes men.

“Ain’t that the truth! Thank God my brother took one for the team. He got married and has a kid already so my dad isn’t losing his shit about me anymore.” The man laughs finally causing Tenzō to lose his hold on being serious.

“Don’t you want to marry her though? Your girl?” Tenzō giggles again after saying that last bit. It definitely did not sound like him.

“Oh, man. I do. I am crazy about her, but I just don’t have the money right now. It’s my fault though.”

“Your fault?”

“Yeah, my dad and I... we don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things. He got along better with my brother. He pampered up my brother for his stupid business, but completely leaves me in the dust. He just can’t stop seeing me as a damn kid.” He lets out a sigh and crosses his arms. “Sucks sometimes. My brother makes bank and I don’t get shit. I gotta work hard if I want to marry Kurenai. I’m not going to propose until I know I have the money which sometimes feels like I never will.”

Tenzō frowns. He did not fully experience this so he did not know what to say. The situation sounded awful to hear though. How can someone just pick favorites over their kids? Tenzō truly could not relate in the slightest. He has no siblings to have this problem, but he had his own issues with his father.

“My dad is tough too. I sometimes wonder if he wishes he didn’t adopt me. Maybe he would have wanted someone better than me.” Tenzō frowns feeling as if his statement was floating above him in the air. It was quite possibly the first time he ever said something so truthful. It hurt to process those feelings. He really wishes he was a better son.

“Damn. I get you though. Sometimes my dad just looks embarrassed when I am around. That’s why I was outside when he was talking to Danzō. I’m not the son he wanted to show off.” The man sighs again, giving Tenzō a moment to process what was just said. If his father was talking to Danzō, wouldn’t that mean Hiruzen is this guy’s father. Tenzō found who he was supposed to talk to all along, but that is assuming he is correct about this conclusion.

“Is your father Hiruzen?” He asks, genuinely hoping he is right.

“Yeah, I am Hiruzen’s youngest son. Now that I think about it, I never introduced myself. I’m Asuma.” He chuckles. His laugh is actually remarkably similar to his father. Tenzō almost feels foolish that he didn’t notice sooner. “Pretty unprofessional of me to not say who I am this entire time.”

“Well, it’s pretty unprofessional of both of us to be high on a golf course.” Tenzō laughs. Man, what a situation to be in. “Oh, I’m Danzō’s son. My name is Tenzō.”

“Really?”

“Really.” Tenzō states while smirking. He wants to keep laughing, but he contains himself. The more he thinks about it, the more ridiculous this all seems. His father and Asuma’s father are business partners, it almost seems odd they haven’t met given their circumstance. They might not even be where they are at if they introduced themselves first, but they cannot change the past.

“This is probably not the best time, but can we agree to not tell each other’s dad’s we talked about all this?” Asuma looks as if he is fighting away a grin.

“Oh, yeah. I won’t tell my dad anything.” Tenzō nods and smiles. Asuma finally smiles back and they burst into laughter. This is possibly the dumbest and most unbelievable thing to happen to him in the past few weeks. Admitting his deepest darkest secrets to basically a stranger until a moment ago is definitely not a typical Tenzō move. Getting high and hanging out on a golf course he has never bothered to notice in all the years he lived here also sounds strange.

“Good. So, uh back to what we were talking about, why do you think your dad would have wanted a different son?” Asuma raises an eyebrow at him. Tenzō frowns knowing all too well why he thinks that. The number of things wrong with him feel endless and him never up to par to being perfect was the greatest reason of all. He did not want to say any of this out loud though, because the second he hears himself speak, his imperfections will be cemented into his life. He would no longer be able to hide from the facts.

“Well, there’s a lot. He wants me to be perfect, and I... I’m not.” His throat tightens for a moment. He has said this statement countless times before but the struggle to admit it is like sandpaper scraping away his insides. This was the singular fact that he cannot escape from. Almost an umbrella of everything wrong, because after that, he can see every single flaw that proves that he will never in his life be perfect.

“It’s impossible to be perfect.” Asuma looks up and scratches his cheek. “I believe nobody is perfect. I feel flaws make people more interesting anyway.”

“I don’t want flaws. I want to be the son he wants me to be, but I never will be. I’m a failure... I have been for so long.” Tenzō grits his teeth. Why on Earth is he admitting all of this? Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Asuma sit up and look at him.

“Why do you think that? What makes you think you’re that bad?” Asuma scoots closer to him.

Tenzō can go on forever. His list of lies, his insecurities, his inability to pick the major his father wants, and his feelings towards Kakashi. If he could just not have any of these problems, maybe he will be the son his father wants.

“It’s a lot. There’s so much that I have lost track. I’m not as smart as he wants me to be. I don’t have the drive he expects me to have. I am irresponsible. I am indecisive. I have no confidence against him. I’m never going to marry the person he will approve of. I might not even have kids. I-”

“Okay, stop. You need to cut yourself some slack. You’re still young. You have a lot of time to figure your shit out.” Asuma cuts him off and smiles. “Hell, the last part, you don’t need to rush that either. I doubt that would even be a problem.”

“I want to agree with you, but my dad has expected nothing less of me and I keep falling short. By now, it’s too late to fix the damage I have done with my lying to keep him happy.” Tenzō sits up so they can face each other.

“Lying? What have you lied about to be that bad?”

Tenzō opens his mouth, but hesitates. His heart is racing and he is positive he will probably reveal everything if he cannot calm down. The world is spinning around him and his chest aches. He wants to just say everything. Praying for a release, but God, how far deep will this dig his grave? He might have already done it.

“I lie about everything to him. I lie about... everything.” His brain is stalling. His thoughts are running rampant and throwing every lie into the air. Which one does he admit to first? He couldn’t. It is like picking his poison. They will all destroy him the second he lets the truth escape him. “Where do I even start? I lie about my grades. I lie about my job. I lie about my major. I...”

Kakashi’s face comes to his mind and he feels as if his mind is going to burst. The amount of lies and secrets surrounding Kakashi plague him to this day. He only told Iruka the truth about him liking guys, and he is not sure he can come clean to Asuma. He doesn’t know Asuma at all, but the truth is dying to come out. Telling one other living soul won’t kill him. It can’t.

“I’m scared that I won’t be anything he wanted me to be. I’m not majoring in business. I don’t want to work for him. I don’t want to marry whoever he picks for me. I don’t even know if I want kids.” He half mumbles everything just to shove it all out. Sadly, there is so much more. Too much more. “I already know father will be angry if he knew... if he knew that... I like men too. He’d hate me. He would never see me as his son ever again...”

Asuma moves closer and rests his hand on Tenzō’s knee. He looks saddened and Tenzō has to fight back his urge to apologize.

“Hey, take a breather. You need to calm down.” Asuma speaks clearly, reminding Tenzō to pause to breathe making him inhale sharply and exhale. “You sound like you’re under a lot of pressure, and I understand. But, you need to realize that you have a lot of time to figure all this stuff out. Some of these worries you have are things that probably won’t even be a problem for years.”

“What if he finds out?” He asks dumbly while trying to slow his breathing.

“Well, then he finds out? You don’t want to work for him, but you’re in college. You can still do something that can make him proud, okay? You not wanting to marry whoever he picks for you makes sense. He can’t force you to marry anyone. You can marry whoever the fuck you want.”

“But what if I want to marry a man?”

“Then you want to marry a man. If he hates you for that, then he’s a damn scumbag, okay? You live to be you. You don’t live to please him. You weren’t born for that.”

“Why do I feel like I only live to make him happy...?” Tenzō never once in his life had this question cross his mind, but when Asuma said it, it all seemed clear. He has been able to ignore most of the horrible things his father has done. He probably could continue to do so, but now, his heart is heavy. Did he really only live so that his father can control him? Those thoughts of him being used was dismissed many years ago, but it seems he never truly let go of the doubts he carried.

“I... can’t tell you. If it is safe to assume, I want to say he just isn’t a great father. It isn’t your fault.” Asuma lets go of Tenzō’s knee and smiles softly at him.

Tenzō stares for a few seconds wishing he knew what to say. Being told it isn’t his fault broke shackles in his heart. He managed to convince himself for so many years that he is the one in the wrong. If he is not what his father wants, then he is imperfect. This thought never once raised a red flag to him that his father’s parenting methods were wrong. He feels foolish, but at the same time, happy. He is content to know for the first time that he is not wrong. The lies he told were not to make his father happy, but to protect himself from his father.

“Am I wrong to lie to him?”

“You did it to protect yourself. There’s nothing wrong in that.” Asuma reinforces what Tenzō finally realized. The lying he built up only makes sense now. Is it possible to tell his father the truth now or is it too dangerous?

They sit in silence once again, both not sure where to continue. Tenzō has so much more on his mind than he expected for tonight, and Asuma probably does too. Tenzō wonders how he will feel when they have to go back to the party. Facing his father now is the equivalent of facing a monster under the bed. Pretending it is not there can only solve the issue for a short while. He has known from the very beginning a day will come when he has to come clean about everything, but somehow his young self convinced him that if he could just hold on a little longer and maybe he will become what his father wants. It was a foolish assumption, but he still hopes he can do some of the things his father expected of him.

Maybe he can bite the bullet and become a business major. Work for his father and run the business when his time comes. It did not sound like his cup of tea at all though. He already fears that he won’t enjoy that career path, but it might be the easiest since his dad built it up for him. Even then so, the choice to just do what his father told him to do no longer settles well. Tenzō wants to do what will make himself happy, and the part that upsets him the most is knowing that his father may never accept that.

“Think we should head back? It’s getting late.” Asuma asks awkwardly. Tenzō could tell he feels uncomfortable to suggest they return to the party, but he did make a point that it is late. “I know you probably don’t want to though. We don’t have to leave right now.”

“No, it’s fine. We actually should head back. We probably have been gone too long anyway.” Tenzō forces a smile hoping to break some of the tension that was built.

_Kshhh_

“What was that noise?” Asuma whips his head around looking for the source of that sound.

Tenzō glances to his right to see a sprinkler raising out of the grass next to him. He pans his vision around him, noticing all of the sprinklers all coming out simultaneously. Shit.

Asuma jumps up and reaches out for Tenzō’s hand, pulling him off the ground abruptly. They don’t even need to speak to know they have to get off the grass.

_Shhhhh_

The sprinklers all blast water out making the men pick up their pace off the golf course. Their shoes squish into the grass and Tenzō winces at the ice-cold water hitting him from everywhere all at once.

“Fuuuuuck,” Asuma yells ahead of Tenzō and hits the gate, shoving himself over and his shoes hit the sidewalk. Tenzō speeds up and jumps over the gate. They stand there hunched over trying to catch their breath for a solid minute before they break out into laughter.

“The golf course was a good idea you said.” Tenzō says in between his laughter. “How did we forget the sprinklers?”

“It was a good idea at the time. Oh my god, what time is it?!” Asuma rips his phone out of his pocket that he must have grabbed while Tenzō was not paying attention. “It’s 10PM, we are so fucked. We have been gone for four hours. How the fuck?” They stare at each other in horror, but within five seconds, Tenzō snorts, and they laugh again.

“We should probably go back.” Tenzō wheezes from laughing so hard. Why is this so funny?

“We are dead.” Asuma looks down the block as if he could see the house from where they are, which he can’t.

“We most definitely are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my goodness, this took me forever to get done. I did not expect this to take an extra week. I originally had a different idea for chapter 8, but scrapped it and here we are. But yeah, the night is most definitely not over for Tenzo and the night will carry on into chapter 9. I want to hopefully get the next chapter out in the next two to three weeks. I'll try my best. Hope you guys enjoy and I'm sorry about the giant amount of dialogue.


	9. Soulless

_Tenzō squeezed through crowds of students as he made his way down the school hallway. Voices and laughter surround him, echoing against the walls. A bittersweet sound to him. Everyone seemed to be so happy where he does not feel the same._

_His father had taken away his phone and forbid him from seeing Kakashi. Tenzō wondered if his father knew everything already, but he may never know. He is just continuously told that he should focus on school instead of friendship. It just did not feel right anymore to go along with what his father said._

_Tenzō sees Kakashi in the morning, but some days Kakashi is not waiting for him after school now. Tenzō never bothered to ask why, but today, he did not see his friend this morning. Something was wrong. That much was clear._

_He stopped in front of his locker and stared at the lock. He slowly reached up to it and spun it, putting in the code. He pulled and the locker didn’t budge. Tenzō frowned. His energy already drained out of him. He did not want to fight his locker today. He sighed and laid his head on the metal door with a subtle ‘thunk’._

_His eyes glued to the floor, notice a pair of bright blue and orange sneakers next to him. He lifted his head to see a taller boy next to him with a small smirk pressed against his cheeks. The boy had shoulder length black hair that shined from the hall lights._

_“Are you okay?” The boy asked just loud enough above the noises around them from students causing a ruckus in the hallway. “You do not look good.”_

_Tenzō squinted at him. It only took him about five seconds to register that this boy was someone Kakashi knew. Gai, was it?_

_“I’m fine. My locker is just not wanting to work with me today.” Tenzō faked a smile hoping this could make the boy leave him alone._

_“Ah, it’s stuck? I can help you open it.” Gai smirked again, but somehow Tenzō lost all the will to make him leave. Letting him help might just speed up the process of getting away anyway._

_“Uh, sure. The code is ten zero four.” Tenzō took a step back, letting Gai spin the code in. Gai quickly put in the numbers and pulled the locker open with ease. He showed absolutely no struggle._

_Tenzō sighed. His own locker must not like him because he rarely has an opportunity to open his locker first try._

_“There you go! I should be heading to class, but good luck with your locker.” Gai flashed a smile and jogged down the hall up to a boy Tenzō recognized. The spiky black hair and the ugly grimace plastered to his face was a dead giveaway that he was Kakashi’s other friend, Obito._

_Tenzō pulled his vision away and towards his old damaged books that laid inside the beaten metal walls of his locker. He grabbed the book on top and threw it into his backpack. He chanced another glance down the hall before closing the metal door. Gai and Obito are nowhere to be seen. They must have already left for class._

———

Tenzō and Asuma stand on the door mat while they both refuse to be the ones the enter the house first. Asuma using the excuse of ‘I don’t live here’ seems to be winning the argument by a landslide, but Tenzō did not want to give up.

“Guests first,” Tenzō says through grit teeth in a mocked tone of Asuma’s previous statement. They jokingly start elbowing each other until Tenzō sputters into a laughing fit and Asuma quickly joins in. They are still very wet from the sprinklers and most likely smell like weed, but for some god damn reason, Tenzō cannot stop laughing. This is by far the stupidest thing he has probably ever done considering the circumstances of him needing to actually be at this dinner party, but what can he do? Tenzō cannot think of anything else he should be doing besides opening the door, but his giggling is slowing him down tremendously.

“Okay, if anyone asks, I smoked and you didn’t.” Asuma says while trying to regain his composure. “I got your back on this. I’ll take the blame if they notice. Just don’t fucking laugh.” And of course, as if the last word is a trigger, a chorus of laughter erupts out of them. Asuma is downright cackling and smacking Tenzō on the back until the front door opens, freezing them in place.

Danzō and Hiruzen stand in the door way, both looking excruciatingly confused. Tenzō finds himself immediately straightening up and his mouth returning to a straight thin line. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Asuma do the exact same.

“Hey,” Asuma smiles awkwardly at the two older men. “We were just cracking jokes. Nothing to see here.”

Somehow Asuma’s comment elicited a scowl out of both of the old men. The facial expression on Danzō is all too familiar to Tenzō. Seems a scowl is the only thing that is prominent in Tenzō’s memories which draws his sadness and insecurities to the surface.

“You two were gone for hours.” Hiruzen arches a grey eyebrow at them. He did not feel as intimidating as Danzō next to him who looks positively boiling.

Tenzō glances at Asuma, and surprisingly, he looks unfazed to say the least. That dopy smirk is glued to his face. He must be a veteran of getting in trouble, because he appears to not even care about their situation.

Tenzō, on the other hand, is sure he will melt under the pressure soon. And by soon, most likely now. He grits his teeth while trying to lock his jaw in place so he won’t start apologizing for every single thing in the world. The attempt is practically impossible under his father’s gaze. He feels like an ant under a magnifying glass and he wants to run.

“What is that smell?” Danzō asks, accusation prominent in his tone. “Did you two smoke pot?” The first nail got driven into Tenzō’s coffin right here, and Tenzō suddenly feels dizzy.

“Well, I did. Tenzō didn’t.” Asuma answers, his voice sounding a thousand miles away.

“You brought pot with you? Here, of all places?” Hiruzen questions his son, a tinge of irritation seeming to seep from his words.

“Yeah, I guess?” Asuma shrugs his shoulders uncaringly. How can the man be so nonchalant at a time like this? Tenzō would pray to be that relaxed in their situation. Maybe if he was still high, he could feel that way, but sadly, the effects of the marijuana wore off probably about an hour ago. Tenzō wonders if Asuma is still high or if he is actually this calm naturally.

“Tenzō, go up to your room. I want to talk to you in private.” Danzō glowers at him making Tenzō snap his head down and quickly shove himself between the door frame and the two old men to get into the house.

Tenzō takes quick steps up the stairs while biting down on his bottom lip. Humiliation washes over him as an image of a scared dog running away with its tail in between its legs flashed through his mind. He looks no better than a frightened animal. Pathetic is probably the best word to describe his actions tonight. Why rebel against his father when he cracks under pressure?

A taste of iron touches his tongue and he reels back slightly, freezing near the top of the stairs. He taps his lip and pulls back to see smeared blood on the tip of his index finger. Tenzō frowns at the crimson color, staring at the liquid as if it could give him an answer as to what to do.

He breathes in sharply and exhales hoping to calm himself a little. He then pushes himself up the rest of the staircase and down the hall to his room. His shoes creak on the wooden floor boards slamming flashbacks into the forefront of his mind. Images of his past fly around him sucking all of the air away from him.

Tenzō is reminded of every time he was in trouble and forced to his room. The turning of the lock on the outside of the door, trapping him inside his room and the steps of his father echoing through the halls as he left.

The floorboards creaking signaled a mixture of solace and fear all at once. As they near his room, it meant he was free, but if they disappear, he was confined once again. Tenzō did not want to go back. He couldn’t.

Tenzō finds himself hyperventilating in front of the door to his bedroom, unable to enter. He catches a gleam of light reflect off the bronze colored doorknob and his eyes trail to the key hole. For a moment, his emotions got the best of him, and he abruptly kicks the door knob clean off. The metal clangs against the floor and makes a miserably screeching sound when it begins to slide. It continues until it hits a wall some distance away and oxygen finally fills Tenzō’s lungs again. He will not allow himself to be stuck here no matter what even if it kills him.

He thrusts the door open and practically stumbles into his room, somewhat light headed from the lack of air. He drops himself onto his bed and tries to sit up properly to order his thoughts. As if on cue, his father is already in the doorway.

Tenzō has to drag his vision upward to look his father in the eyes. Anger laced into every minuscule feature on his father’s face gave away how much trouble he is in. Tenzō’s mouth goes dry and his mind is suddenly blank. Every single thought and worry disappeared as if it just evaporated.

“Are you done embarrassing me tonight?” His father says, every word painfully vibrated down Tenzō’s spine.

Shame. Disappointment. Sadness. Tenzō could not think. He could only feel, and that is the only thing he wished he couldn’t do. He just wanted to make his dad proud, but he just... can’t. Tonight merely just added another reason why Tenzō will never amount to what he wished he could be.

“Yes,” Tenzō speaks barely above a whisper and he drops his head.

“I know you smoked pot, but you lied to me... in front of other people no less.” His father takes a step. The knock of his shoes nearly breaks Tenzō. “Do you think I am an idiot for me to not catch on to your many lies?”

Tenzō swings his head up and he is certain his eyes are as wide as saucers. He has been caught? For how long? What does his father know? Tenzō fishes for something to say, but everything and nothing rolls around his head. There’s so much to say, but at the same time, he did not know what would be the right thing.

“How... did you know?” Tenzō slips out knowing damn well he dug his grave.

“Your stories started to not match up, so I did digging of my own. Did you really believe I wouldn’t find out about you not being a business major or the fact that you lied about taking any classes for it?” Danzō takes another step, and Tenzō retreats further onto his bed, not allowing his father to close the gap between them.

“Digging?” He croaks unable to mask his sheer panic.

“I am assuming you are also not living on campus to focus on your studies more. I’m correct, am I not?”

“I... don’t know what you’re talking about.” Of course, he would feign ignorance at this point. His emotions are all clashing together and no logical response could be conjured anymore.

“Stop lying to me!” Danzō yells and walks all the way to the bed. “Why do you keep lying!?”

Somehow, his father raising his voice triggered something inside Tenzō and anger started crawling its way to the top.

“Because I won’t ever make you happy if you knew the truth!” Tenzō screams and shoves himself up so that he is almost eye level with his father. “I won’t ever be what you want me to be! Why would I tell you the truth if it’ll only make you mad at me!?”

For a moment, Tenzō’s anger subsided. He no longer felt anger or resentment towards his father. It was if he lacked all emotions. Emptiness filled his heart and his veins hollowed out. It was as if he had already died.

“Are you done?” His father spoke evenly. He stared at Tenzō, all expression left his face. Did he feel empty too? Tenzō’s words did not touch him in the slightest. Tenzō realized it now. This man does not care.

“No, I am not done. You made my life hell. You isolated me. You played me like a puppet. You never allowed me to have friends or be happy because that was a waste of my time... your time. I’m done doing whatever you want. I don’t even want to do anything you want me to do anyway. I never wanted to run this business. I never wanted to inherit any of this. I don’t want it!” Tenzō could not stop his mouth from moving even if his brain pleaded for him to quit. His heart won out, and he could not take it any longer.

“You’re so selfish. After everything I’ve done for you, you completely wasted everything. You know you changed after you met that Kakashi boy in high school. You would go behind my back. You would be up all hours of the night. You think I would never notice you goofing off instead of studying!?”

“Are you kidding me!? You’re bringing up Kakashi!? What the fuck, dad!?” Everything spills out with a second thought. Tenzō did not even have a moment to think. He is pissed and he could only scream.

“That boy filled your head with stupid thoughts! If you never met him, you’d be listening to me every step of the way. Why did he change you!?”

“Because I loved him!” The last thing Tenzō ever wanted to admit just... came out. A train wreck of emotions sabotaged everything - every damn thing.

His father only stares at him, clenching and unclenching his jaw. Tenzō feels his eyes well up and blinks back the tears. He cannot fall apart. He has to face this. Sadly, he never prepared for his father to ever know. He never had a plan if this were to happen.

The silence is deafening. Tenzō’s head is pounding and his heart ramming against his chest. The only reason he knows he is still alive right now is the mere fact that he can feel his heart still beating. He really wished that he died before this happened and everything after this is not real.

His father gently places his hand on Tenzō’s shoulder, his frown sinking deeper into his face. Danzō tightens his grip for a few seconds and his lips part.

“You have made a fool of me for the last time. Get out of my house.” Danzō drops his hand.

Tenzō feels his soul leave his body. His life is over. There is nothing to live for anymore. Because truly, who is he if he is no longer needed by his father. Tenzō did not know. If he could take back his anger and every word that left his mouth, he would. He would for the rest of his life.

“Okay, Father.” On command, Tenzō obeys what he is told to do. His blood ran cold. After everything, he still mindlessly agrees.

Danzō walks away from him and stops in the door way. He looks back and Tenzō bites his tongue, forcing away his urge to beg for forgiveness.

“You can keep the suit. You find your own way back to your dorm.” And with that, Danzō was gone, leaving Tenzō standing alone in his room.

Tenzō could hear the foot steps and the creaking floor boards fade away once again. Every single time he hears that dreaded sound, he is trapped, but this time, the door is wide open. He is no longer confined to these walls, but shunned out. He got all he ever wanted. His longing to escape is finally here, but for some odd reason, it did not settle well.

Tenzō is not trapped in this room, but he is now trapped in his own mind.

———

Time has passed. Maybe an hour. Maybe two. Tenzō did not want to check. He has been sitting on the curb just a bit away from his house, waiting. Waiting for everything to make sense, but also for someone - anyone to show up to his rescue to take him away from this place. He knows he texted someone to come pick him up but his brain is so fried that he cannot remember who.

It did not matter to him who would appear before him. Hell, he did not care if no one came. Tenzō believes he does not deserve anyone to help him anyway. He could not even begin to decipher where his father’s beliefs start and his own end. They have become so intertwined that is almost hard to see that Tenzō even existed as a person.

Tenzō did not know what he wants nor did he know what to think. Danzō guided him down a path with no way to look out. Similar to a thick forest at night, Tenzō can’t see where to go and it is impossible to think he can escape. The more he tries to find an exit, the deeper into the trees he goes and the more lost he becomes. There is no way out.

Tenzō hugs himself, trying to make himself smaller. His suit is still damp, leaving his skin unpleasantly cold against the October breeze. He could still hear sounds from the house, people talking, laughter here and there. Every once in awhile, a person will walk past him towards their cars to leave the party. Each and every one of them gave him looks that stung Tenzō to his core. Disappointment. Contempt. Disgust. But the ones that made his blood boil were the people who would mock him. Their slight laughter and jeering as if Tenzō could not hear them drove him mad.

“That’s Danzō’s son? How embarrassing.” An older woman whispers to the man next to her as they walk by. The man snorts in his insufficient effort to cover his laughter.

“I’m glad he isn’t my son.” The man does not bother to whisper.

Tenzō bites his tongue. He did not want to make his situation worse. The people carried on passed him as if they never opened their mouths.

“What do they know?” Tenzō whispers under his breath. “They don’t know anything.”

He could hear their laughter echo in his head. It sent ripples through him, gnawing at his insides. The sounds of this wretched night only get louder. The conversations in the house trail down the streets and those damn people who do a piss poor job of whispering only add to his agony.

Tenzō pulls his hands up to his ears in a desperate attempt to block the world out. The laughing repeats in his mind, plunging himself in darkness. The crickets around him chirped so loud that they are like drills in his skull. Somehow, his hands can’t mask out anything.

He slams his eyes shut, closing them so hard he can see colors behind his eyelids. His fingers curl around his ears. His nails digging into his scalp. Tenzō is sure he will draw blood if he does not calm down, but the world is collapsing and he cannot think.

His father hates him and it is all his fault. What can he do? If only he kept his mouth shut. If only he was exactly what his father wanted. If only... he did not love Kakashi. Tenzō wishes he could just scream, but he can’t. Not here. Not now. He will just let himself die here instead.

He eases his hands off his ears for a moment. A car nearing him snaps his eyes open. A beat-up old silver car comes to a halt a few feet away from his feet. The brakes make an unpleasant screeching sound that nearly sends Tenzō back into his previous position of his hands slammed onto his ears.

Tenzō’s vision is blurry and spotty, but he can see a person jumping out of the car and kneeling down in front of him quicker than his mind can process. The person’s face finally formed, and Tenzō can feel everything holding himself together budge.

A black mask, that damn scar with mismatched eyes, and messy silver hair splayed on the man’s head. A familiarity and probably only comfort Tenzō can feel right now.

He opens his mouth to speak, but his throat tightens. He drops his hands to his chest and squeezes. A loud ringing blocks out all the words the man in front of him is saying, and Tenzō knows he will crumble if he tries to explain everything.

“Kakashi,” he squeaks out. He cannot say more. If he does... he will fall apart.

“Tenzō, what’s going on? I got your text to come here. Are you okay? Can you hear me?” Kakashi speaks, but he might as well be miles away. Tenzō stares at him as if Kakashi was at the end of a tunnel. He can see where to go to escape, but God, it is so fucking far away.

Tenzō shakes his head furiously. No talking. Not yet. He glances back to see some people leaving the house. Their eyes glued to Tenzō and Kakashi. It was clear as day. Don’t they know it is rude to stare? Or do they simply not care?

“Tenzō?” Kakashi’s voice pulls his attention back to him. Their eyes meet, and Tenzō bites down on his tongue hoping to distract his emotions by causing physical pain. “Why are you out here?”

God, so many questions. Tenzō can feel himself retreating to his earlier sitting position with his hands crawling upward. Kakashi catches his wrists which was the equivalent of a sledgehammer to a poorly built wall in Tenzō’s heart. The wall did not fall to pieces, but emotions broke free. Enough for a single tear to slide down Tenzō’s cheek.

“Can... I stay with you tonight?” Tenzō’s chest tightens while his voice is barely a whisper.

Kakashi quickly wipes the tear away with his thumb. His eyes contorted into something clearly of worry. Tenzō does not need to see the bottom of his face to know how Kakashi is feeling right now. That man wore his emotions in his eyes so well.

“Of course,” Kakashi stands and holds his hand out. Tenzō takes it and pulls himself up. Kakashi guides him to the passenger side of the car and opens the door for him.

Tenzō climbs in, already feeling himself melt into the seat. Exhaustion is finally hitting him. The door shuts, but Tenzō barely notices. Instead he dances about in his head, letting the events of the day replay in a jumbled mess around him. The day was not quite awful til the very end. He tries to look for a bright side of all this, but he could not find anything. Maybe it was just too soon to see the pros outweigh the cons.

The cons seem never ending. If he were to write them down, he would most likely just run out of paper and waste time. The one problem that sits at the front of his brain glaringly is the one that is currently shattering his heart.

His father hates him. It sounds so simple to state. Tenzō knows it sounds simple but the gravity of it lit him on fire. His insides are burning and his stomach is churning. This is probably the closest to death he’s ever been, and he wishes it would just end.

Tenzō does not want to panic on where this will lead him, but he can already see his future disappearing before his eyes. His father paid for college, but that luxury will most likely come to a threatening halt. He still has this semester, but the near future will be his phone being shut off. Luckily, his car is paid off, but Tenzō has to find a new insurance that is cheaper soon. There is just so much to do. The fear of when this semester ends is crippling.

Will he be able to go to school in the Spring? Will he ever be able to back at all? The biggest problem is where on Earth is he going to live? He’s not one to be okay with the idea of jumping from couch to couch, but he just might if he cannot get a better job.

“I messed up.” Tenzō mumbles. He is not speaking to really anyone in particular, but the words slipped out, cementing how deep in trouble he is truly in.

“What?” Kakashi asks next to him while driving. When did he get in the car? Better yet, when did the car start moving?

Tenzō feels every thought jumble together, making it nearly impossible to come up with a coherent response. His worries are clashing together and the only phrase that seems clear to him is, “I messed up.”

The statement spun in his head over and over. Simply repeating itself. Every other word will be replaced with a synonym, but it is all still the same. He messed up. He fucked up. He screwed up. There is absolutely no other way for him to view this situation differently.

And of course, he is already thinking of every way he could have done this differently. If he just majored in Business, he might not even be in this much trouble. But who knows, he still might end up right here but further down the road. If he didn’t lie, his life would have been set.

“Why the fuck am I not happy?” Tenzō blurts out, forgetting he has company next to him. “He set everything up. I could have had everything. Why the fuck do I still not want it?” He groans and rests his face into his hands.

“I don’t want to be that guy, but what are you talking about?” Kakashi asks.

Tenzō, remembering for the second time that Kakashi is in fact here, groans into his hands again. Where does his despair end and his frustration begin? His emotions are way too overlapped for him to just explain any of this logically.

“I...” Tenzō drops his hands and clenches his jaw. He has to blink back tears before speaking again. “My dad wanted me to be someone I’ll never be, and I can’t do it anymore. I just can’t. Why can’t I just be what he wants?” Another tear fell. That’s two for the night. Tenzō knows he will lose track soon.

“Are you talking about the business stuff? I remember you told me about it when we were in high school.” Kakashi turns his blinker on to turn. The clicking noise is jarring to Tenzō’s ears. His head aches more with every passing second.

“Yeah, the business stuff.” Tenzō finally leans back into his seat and stares ahead. The streets are almost empty. He sees a car here and there, and a few pedestrians staggering around. The buildings and shops all appeared closed. The metal gates are down, but everything is still lit up as if life is still going on. He glances at the digital clock on the dash, the numbers are a glowing green that read ‘12:05’. He scoffs. Time almost feels meaningless at this point. He lost all grasp of reality; the hours did not even seem real anymore.

“What did you mean you’re not what he wanted?”

“Where do I start? I don’t want to run ANBU or Root Corp. I don’t want to be a damn business major. I hate being this... son that he made up. He keeps trying to control my life. I thought I was fucking out when I got into college, but I’m not. I probably sound crazy.” Tenzō shakes his head for a moment, debating on if he should keep going. “He didn’t allow me to have friends my whole life. He is still mad at me about me meeting you. He says you filled my head with stupid thoughts.”

Kakashi doesn’t speak, he gives just a small glance. Tenzō assumes Kakashi just does not know what to say. Or maybe he does know, but chooses to say nothing. Kakashi pulls into the parking lot of his apartment complex and parks. Still not a single word is said. Tenzō’s anxiety starts to rise out of fear that he upset Kakashi too.

“I’m sorry if I’m the reason I put you in this situation.” Kakashi flicks his headlights off and turns off the car. He rests his hand on the door handle, his eyes glued to something out the driver’s side window. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I wasn’t happy with my father even before I met you. You don’t need to apologize.” Tenzō opens his door a crack.

“Why were you sitting on the curb?” Kakashi still staring out the window when he asks this.

“He... I... messed up.”

“You already said that multiple times, but what happened?”

“He was just yelling at me about you. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and I said something stupid, okay?” He pushes the door open all the way in a way to hint that he does not want to talk about any of this.

“I take it that you’re not going to tell me what you said?” Kakashi props his door open while Tenzō climbs out of the car.

“It was bad enough to get me kicked out, so maybe I can tell you later. I just don’t want to think about it anymore.” Tenzō mumbles. He almost finds it surprising that he can finally talk and make some sense considering how he was minutes ago. He is completely aware that he is exactly okay right now, but avoiding his worries even for a moment eases the situation.

“You got kicked out? Like no home or kicked out of the party?” Kakashi raises his voice in surprise while he walks around the car to Tenzō’s side.

“No home.” Tenzō shoves past Kakashi and heads across the parking lot to the set of stairs that lead to Kakashi’s apartment. Seems Kakashi did not get the hint to drop the conversation. This frustrated Tenzō beyond belief, but he concludes everything is going to probably be on his last nerve for a while.

Kakashi has to practically run to catch up to Tenzō’s speed walking. Kakashi grabs Tenzō’s shoulder forcing them both to an awkward stop a few feet from the complex.

Tenzō looks at Kakashi for the second time tonight and he can feel himself retreating back into how he was on the sidewalk in front of his house. Tenzō can see worry lace into every feature visible on Kakashi’s face. Makes sense for him to worry, Tenzō supposes. It’s a logical response.

“What are you-”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do, Kakashi.”

“How did you know I was going to ask that?”

“What else would you ask?” Tenzō wants to kick himself for nearly snapping at the only person he actually wants to see right now, but emotions are fickle. He can’t control anything right now. So yes, as much as he wants to cry to Kakashi and fall into his arms, so much of him caries pride and anger which is the only thing keeping him coherent.

“I don’t know.” Kakashi slouches his shoulders a tad and walks ahead of him.

They both go quiet and trudge up the cement stairs to the destination Tenzō has been dying to be at for possibly a solid hour. Kakashi pulls his key out and unlocks the door. Tenzō rocks on the balls of his feet with his patience wearing thin. Somehow, he already knows the second he steps inside he is going to shatter.

Kakashi walks in without noticing Tenzō frozen on the door mat. Tenzō can see the living room lit up a light blue from the TV, and Kakashi is talking to someone. Their voice is booming, nearly rattling Tenzō’s bones.

He didn’t want to go in. He didn’t think he could hold it together all the way down the hall to Kakashi’s room. The feat sounded downright impossible the more he panics.

Kakashi turns around and looks at him from inside. He tilts his head to the side, and Tenzō knows Kakashi is going to ask something.

“I can’t,” Tenzō mutters. His chest tightens and his insides burn all over again. This pain is more agonizing than the first. His emotions hit him like a train and his breathing shutters. “I can’t do this.”

His knees nearly buckle underneath him and he has to grab the wall to steady himself. The world is spinning and his thoughts are running wild again. He doesn’t have a home. He doesn’t have a dad. He doesn’t have a future as far as he is concerned right now.

Tenzō tries to breathe in and he finds himself gasping for air. His free hand is clawing at his throat as if something was blocking his airways.

Kakashi is at his side in an instant. Delicate hands cupping around his face, forcing them to look each other in eye. Kakashi is speaking, but for the millionth time tonight, Tenzō cannot hear anything. His thoughts are screeching in agony. His worries like angry ocean waves flooding the world. His father’s voice echoing against the inside of his skull.

Kakashi pulls his mask down below his chin, and Tenzō can definitely see Kakashi’s lips moving. A person stood behind Kakashi, but they appear blurry with Tenzō’s eyes unable to focus. The person almost looked like a shadow and they were horribly tall, but Tenzō tries to convince himself that this must be Kakashi’s roommate and he is just panicking.

“He hates me, Kakashi.” Tenzō can hear himself speak, but unaware of how those words escaped. “My dad hates me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to do.”

His knees finally gave way, and he would have dropped if Kakashi and the blurry person didn’t catch him.

“Tenzō, you will be okay. It’s okay. Tenzō, can you hear me? Everything is okay.” Kakashi finally broke through, but Tenzō didn’t believe anything.

Tenzō shakes his head furiously, “Nothing is okay. He knows everything. He knows...” He clenches his eyes shut, and his body feels heavy. He can feel himself spinning, and he only gets dizzier as the seconds pass. He opens his eyes again, everything blurred together and finally, the world goes black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it has been taking me so long to update. I had midterms and finally had time to post this chapter. I am not sure when I will be able to update again, but I am hoping to be able to within this month. Thank you for reading!


	10. Rain

_Maybe it was a stupid idea to wait for Kakashi after school still. Tenzō had not seen the boy in a week, let alone a text or call back. Something must have happened, right?_

_Tenzō was never one to chase the things he wants. He stays inside the box his father created. A comfort zone so to speak. Kakashi was different. Kakashi chases after every single thing that merely peaked his interest. This fact was unsettling to Tenzō at times. It made him wonder why Kakashi even liked him._

_As the days pass of not seeing Kakashi, the more Tenzō starts to connect the dots. Kakashi is finally bored of him. It was crushing, but Tenzō tried his best to deny every bit of evidence that proved it._

_Today is just another day that screamed that Kakashi does not like him anymore. Either way, Tenzō waited obediently where they would always meet up after school. He would stay there for ten, maybe thirty minutes and sometimes to an hour wondering where on Earth Kakashi could be._

_About fifteen minutes have passed since school let out and he sits down on the grass next to the sidewalk. He knows he looks stupid, and he also knows that Kakashi is most likely not going to show up. He did not have an answer as to why he continued to do this either. He missed his friend is probably the only rational thing he can come up with, but a sliver of him was angry. Why is Kakashi ignoring him?_

_“You look like a lost puppy, ya know?” A voice from behind him made him jump. He whipped around to look directly at a familiar boy with black spiky hair and that ugly grimace that is just always glued to his face. Obito Uchiha. What did he want?_

_“Oh?” Tenzō could not find the right words to respond. But, was there really a correct way to reply to that comment?_

_“Kakashi left with Rin a bit ago. I see you waiting out here for him a lot. I figured someone should at least tell you that Kakashi won’t be here.” Obito jammed his hands in his pocket, his grimace not moving an inch._

_“Oh,” Tenzō faltered a little. He should probably go home, but what if Obito was lying?_

_“Is that the only thing you say?” Irritation is laced in every word making Tenzō want to shrink into himself. Obito was rather intimidating, more than Tenzō had noticed before._

_“No, I... don’t know what to say.” Tenzō answered and finally, gets up off the ground. “Why did he leave with Rin? We walk home together everyday?”_

_Something definitely didn’t feel right, and Obito did not seem phased by the question in the slightest. It was if he was already prepared for this entire conversation. Obito sniffed loudly and gave Tenzō the answer he has been dying to know._

_“Kakashi is dating Rin now. That’s why he left with her.” Obito’s face softened, the irritation melted away and was replaced with something else. The longer Tenzō stared, the easier it was to see that this facial expression was absolute pity._

_“Oh, he didn’t tell me.” Tenzō mumbled. He was not sure what hurt more; Kakashi basically dumping him without saying anything or the fact that his friend is the damn messenger. Was he really that insignificant to Kakashi?_

_“I figured that you didn’t know. I felt bad seeing you waiting for him. Kakashi is an ass. I’m sorry.” Obito looked around uncomfortably. It was evident that he wanted to escape this awkward situation as fast as possible, but he probably had too many good morals that kept him there._

_“I guess I should head home then?” Tenzō meant to say this as a statement, but somehow, it came out questioningly making his doubts obvious. He needed to go home. He couldn’t stand here any longer._

_“Yeah, it’s probably best to not wait out for him. He’s already gone.” Obito scratched the back of his head while aggressively avoiding all eye contact with Tenzō which made this situation all the more grueling and unbearable._

_“I guess so.” Tenzō nodded and started walking away, unable to bring himself to say goodbye or any type of parting words to the other boy. He wanted to leave and fluffing the conversation up did not seem appealing to him._

_A small, “See you later,” was the last thing he heard from Obito._

_Tenzō did not cry that day. He did not scream. He did not throw a fit or get angry. He just went home, numb._

_He expected pain, sadness, something. To his dismay, he felt nothing. Empty might be a better term. Either way, he did not have the ability to react. Kakashi dumped him._

_And then a thought crossed his mind. This realization shook him to his core._

_Was he ever actually dating Kakashi? Was it official?_

_It was not. They were never exclusive. Simply speaking, Tenzō cannot be dumped if they were not together. Then why the hell did it feel like it?_

————

Tenzō’s eyes crack open to the dimly lit room. The only light source is from outside and even then, it is arguable to consider it so. He squints while looking around remembering he is at Kakashi’s apartment. The pitter patter of rain hitting the window nearly made him want to turn over and go right back to sleep.

He feels a slight shift in the bed and he looks back to see a sleeping Kakashi on his back. Tenzō sits up slowly, not wishing to wake the other man. He reaches over to the night stand and grabs his phone. He quickly views the time. His screen lit up the room causing a small groan to escape his lips as he aggressively tries to turn down the brightness.

The numbers, now faint and almost hard to see, show the time of four o’clock. Well, that explains why it is still very dark in the room.

Tenzō slides out of bed as quietly as he could and prays the floor won’t creek. The rain hits the window harder, making Tenzō glance back. He could not clearly see much outside but he knew the weather is only getting worse before it’ll get better.

Tenzō has never liked the rain, but something in him today is calling for him. Nearly dragging him out into the dreary day. Tenzō throws his clothes on in silence and slips out of the room.

As if stepping through the door frame kick started his brain, his mind is suddenly filled with unnecessary thoughts. Because of this, he rarely wanted to leave any bed he found himself in since his father kicked him out.

Accepting another day has passed only added more weight. Yeah, only two weeks have passed since that awful night, but each day lasts about a year in his head. He is almost surprised that he managed anything in his life with these past weeks.

He probably has Kakashi to thank for it. He would have dropped all of his classes or just gave up on them if Kakashi did not drag him to class.

‘You can’t just give up on life because of this. You will regret it later. I know you.’ Kakashi’s voice echoes in his thoughts which pushed him down the hall of the apartment and all the way up to the front door.

Tenzō did not have anywhere to go today, so he does not quite have an answer as to why his hand is grasped around the doorknob in front of him. It’s his day off for work, and it’s a Saturday which meant no class to go to either.

“Where am I going?” Tenzō mumbles under his breath as his body slumps forward causing his head to rest against the door. Even if he said the question out loud, he did not even know what he meant by it.

Did he mean it as to where will he go if he just spontaneously decides to walk out into the rain, or did he mean his life as a whole? Where is his life going now? Tenzō did not know. He almost did not want to.

He shoved his shoes on concluding he indeed is just going to walk out into the rain to God knows where.

“Where are you going?” Gai whispers behind him nearly making Tenzō jump out of his skin.

“I uh,” Tenzō fumbles with his thoughts as he looks back at the man. “Why are you awake?”

“I always wake up this early. I am going to the gym.” Gai looks around momentarily, obviously debating on something, whatever that something is. “Do you want to go? It can help blow off steam.” He gives a half smirk which mildly surprised Tenzō. He’s so used to the man being passionate but lately he has been softer towards him.

“I... sure,” Tenzō brainlessly agrees. At least it gets him outside for a bit, even if it meant walking outside into a car and heading to another building. A few second outside can help.

“Good,” Gai slaps him on the back and reaches past Tenzō to open the door. Tenzō backs up a little to let him through and follows him out.

His shoes splash uncomfortably in the water on the street as he hurries to the car behind Gai. Gai is wearing a bright green jump suit while carrying an ugly orange gym bag which honestly made him feel like a light house in the fog. Tenzō could probably fall behind a mile and still see Gai.

Gai jumps in the car and reaches through to unlock the passenger door from the inside. Tenzō was so used to Kakashi having keys that unlocked all the doors that he almost got irritated standing in the rain longer than needed, but oh well. He jumps in the car hoping this trip can be done in silence.

Surprisingly, it was quiet. Gai did not say a single thing the entire time, and just had the radio play. Tenzō was almost thankful for it. He did not have the energy to pretend to be okay. Hell, he barely had the energy to even leave the apartment today. He probably should have just gone back to the dorms instead of go to the gym with Gai at four in the fucking morning.

Gai parks close to the front and hops out without a word. Tenzō climbs out and hurries to the curb with his head down to avoid getting rain on his face. Stomping his feet on the curb to shake off some of the water without paying attention to his surroundings, he almost stumbles into a person standing in front of him.

“O-Oh, sorry!” Tenzō takes a step back and finally sees who he ran into. It was Asuma.

“Hey, Tenzō! Didn’t think I’d see you here!” Asuma laughs and glances over at Gai who was running up to the curb. “Gai, since when did you know Tenzō!?”

Gai hops up next to them with a bright smile, “Oh, he’s Kakashi’s friend. I wanted to bring him along today.”

“Kakashi’s friend?” Asuma blinks rapidly and finally settles his gaze back on Tenzō. “Waaaaaait, you’re that Tenzō? The Tenzō that dated Kakashi. Kakashi’s Tenzō.”

Gai bursts into laughter at Asuma’s comment, and for some reason Tenzō wanted to shrink into the Earth for being called ‘Kakashi’s Tenzō’. He also didn’t date Kakashi so the title did not seem right.

“That reminds me of a movie? Something about poison.” Gai adjust the strap to his gym bag, still smiling.

“Yeah, I know I said it on purpose.”

“How do you know Tenzō though?”

“Uh... he’s my dad’s... friend’s son? The guy I got high with a couple weeks ago.”

“Oh... Oh... you don’t know what happened after, right?” Gai eyes Asuma for a moment before glancing at Tenzō. “Does he know?”

“I... don’t know.” Tenzō did not want to talk about this, but he also did not want to be rude in this situation either.

“Know what?” Asuma walks away a bit to put out his cigarette that he was holding onto that Tenzō somehow didn’t notice.

“Hey! Thanks for waiting for me!” A man with spiky hair calls from down the parking lot with one arm waving in the air and the other holding the strap to his gym bag. Tenzō did not recognize the man who eventually started running and reached them.

“Look who finally showed up.” Asuma jabs the guy with his elbow and walks inside the gym seeming to forget his conversation with Gai.

“Oh come on, I’m only ten minutes late.” The man groans, stomping his feet from the rain and joins Asuma inside.

Gai and Tenzō follow suit right on their heels. Tenzō is dying to know who this random person is, but if nobody is going to say anything... oh well?

Besides that, what is he going to do here? Is he supposed to work out with these guys or can he go be alone because he would rather go be by himself. He looks around eyeing the machinery and equipment longing to just go run on the treadmill while listening to music.

Without warning, Gai slaps him on the back, sending a tingling feeling up his spine. This man has got to stop doing things like that. Tenzō looks back at him with an eyebrow raised.

“Have you done boxing before?” Gai smirks.

“Umm I have punched a punching bag if that counts,” Tenzō glances away noticing Asuma and that other guy are gone. “Am I going to box with you?”

“Kind of,” Gai pulls Tenzō over to the front desk. “You don’t have gloves right?” Gai drops his bag at his feet and hops over the front desk, disappearing in the back.

“Why did you...” Tenzō blinks feeling more anxious than he was just seconds ago. “Where did you go, Gai?” He can hear Gai’s laugh from the back but it really did not ease any of his anxiety.

Gai comes back to the front with a toothy grin that shined and a binder in hand with something else in the other. “Sorry, did I scare you?” He drops the binder down and flips it open to scribble something in it. “If you’re wondering, I own this gym! I was just making sure there were gloves to rent.” He smacks down what he had in his other hand in front of Tenzō which were hand wraps.

“You own... a gym?” Tenzō did not want to say he did not believe Gai, but... he did not believe Gai.

“Yeah, it was my dad’s. I kinda inherited it. Don’t worry about the price for renting. It’s on me for today since I brought you here.” He flashes a thumbs up. “Just go find some gloves and head to the room over to the right.” Gai points over to his right, which was Tenzō’s left to a wall of doors that were open. “The third one will have sandbags. I’ll have someone help you.”

“You’re not gonna be with me?”

“Oh, no. I have to get some stuff situated.” Gai smiles for probably the millionth time this morning. “Let out all that passion on the sand bags, Tenzō!” With another thumbs up, Gai disappears into the back again.

Tenzō found gloves that fit rather quickly and settled into the room he was told to go to without making much of a fuss. He did not really want help with whoever Gai is going to send, because he just really wants to be alone. Sadly, agreeing to go was a nail in the coffin to him having to actually socialize for the first time in two weeks.

At least the room is not awful to be in. The walls were lined with mirrors which will forever be something Tenzō did not understand the necessity for. Three black sandbags hang from the ceiling that are evenly spread apart. Tenzō walks across the room and plops down on a bench that was at the edge of the room. It has been a few months since he has wrapped his hands to punch a punching bag, let alone be in a gym but luckily, he remembered how to wrap.

He pulls his gloves on and walks over to a punching bag unaware on if he should just start or wait for the person to show up that Gai mentioned. He eyes the door, deciding to just be patient. Maybe half a minute passed until the guy from earlier with spiky black hair walks in. Tenzō didn’t notice before that half the man’s face was scarred heavily. He quickly averts his gaze towards the ground to avoid staring, but his curiosity to know what could cause such a thing nagged at him.

“Hey, Gai told me to help you a bit. I didn’t catch your name earlier.” The man holds his hand out to shake making Tenzō look at him again. He had a crooked smile and relaxed features. He is still rather handsome, but something about him seemed familiar even if Tenzō could not quite place who or why.

“Uh, I’m Tenzō.” He shakes his hand, but when he tries to pull back the guy does not release his grip. “Uh...”

Tenzō’s eyes meet the man’s and his facial features changed drastically. He could not tell if the person is angry, confused, or maybe even surprised. Either way, him not releasing his hand made this extremely uncomfortable.

“Tenzō? I don’t think I have seen you since high school. I didn’t even recognize you.” Finally, he lets go of Tenzō’s hand. “You probably don’t remember me, but it’s me, Obito.”

This small bit of information was like a bomb going off in Tenzō’s brain. Obito? This is Obito? Is there even a correct way to react to this? The fact that Tenzō is now closer than ever to Kakashi, he did not want to talk to Obito at all. It’s not like he has anything to say to the guy in the first place. He is dating Rin now, which arguably is doing him a favor because Kakashi is not hung up on Rin anymore but still. Obito being with Rin hurt Kakashi, and he was not particularly proud of being happy about it.

“O-Oh, Obito... wow, it’s been a long time.” Tenzō is kicking himself mentally for that poor response, but he at least said something.

“Yeah, I had no idea that you’re friends with Asuma and Gai.”

“Small world.” He kicks himself again.

“Yeah, definitely.” Obito pauses and the silence is almost deafening besides the pop music that stereotypically played at every gym Tenzō has stepped foot into. Honestly, the music makes everything a bit more awkward. Nothing like an upbeat sound to a very non-upbeat situation. “So, uh... you needed help with the sandbags?”

“Yeah,” Tenzō lightly punches the bag making it swing. “I guess.”

Probably a bit of an overreaction to this, but Tenzō is already mentally weighing the pros and cons of running all the way back to the apartment in the rain. The cons seem to continually add up and all have to do with the fact of it raining, but hey, maybe if he runs fast enough, it might not be the worst decision he ever made. Then again, nothing can top what had happened with his father which only made it easier to escape.

Obito grabs the sandbag, holding it still. He did not say a word, just nods toward Tenzō signaling he’s ready whenever. Tenzō, on the other hand, did not want to start at all. Hell, he really wishes he stayed with Kakashi in bed. His day probably wouldn’t have even started until later if he simply turned over and went back to sleep.

Finally, he steadies himself and throws a few punches. Obito says nothing, so he continues. Minutes pass, neither daring to speak. Almost like a stalemate that they both agreed upon. They are unwilling to move forward nor backward, and somehow this frustrates Tenzō. He has questions. Millions of them. All piling on top of each other right at the tip of his tongue dying to spill out.

His hands were moving faster with each punch as his anger continues to build. He could not piece together why he is so mad either. He cannot be this angry for seeing Obito. He has no reason to be. Obito never did anything wrong to him, so why? Why the hell is everything so irritating?

Clenching his jaw, he throws another punch harder than the last sending pain straight up his arm and loses his balance completely. He stumbles forward into the bag and catches himself.

“Dammit!”

“Hey, you okay? We can stop, ya know? We can do something else.” Obito reaches out, but Tenzō swats his hand away.

“I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

Raising his eyes to meet Obito’s, he growls out another, “I’m fine.”

Obito takes a step back and nods. They go quiet once again with the only sound of Tenzō heaving, trying to catch his breath.

“I have a question.” Tenzō’s insides are gnawing at him and he really has no idea what to ask first.

“Yeah?”

“B-Back in high school... you told me Kakashi got back with Rin. Why did you tell me?” Okay, that was not the question he actually wants to ask but he got somewhere.

“Because I didn’t think it was cool what he did? Kakashi dropped you without saying anything. Someone had to say something right?”

“That’s it? You were doing it to be... the bigger person?” Tenzō really did not care about this. Hell, he had no idea why he kept going.

“Yeah, why else?”

“I... I don’t know.” Tenzō sighs unable to think straight. As if there was an outside force pulling him away, he walks backward a few steps. “Okay, that’s not what I wanted to ask. Why are you and Kakashi not friends anymore?”

“Kakashi?” He raises an eyebrow at him. “You’re actually talking to him again? After what he did?”

“Yeah, he wanted a second chance. Trust me, I know it sounds stupid.”

“Why don’t you just ask him?”

“I never wanted to bring it up, and I wanted to hear your side.” Maybe he could have worded all of this differently. Tenzō seriously wished he had thought more about this before spitting out every question.

“Well, we grew apart and I am dating Rin. I assumed it was rather self-explanatory.”

He definitely has a point there.

“Really? That’s it?” Tenzō squints at him for a moment. “He was your best friend?”

“Yeah, but I loved Rin before I even met Kakashi.”

Oh.

“Was it like a choice? Her or him?”

“I guess?”

“Well... I have one more question, and I will leave you alone about this.”

“Okay,” Obito walks across the room, straight passed Tenzō and drops onto the bench against the wall. “Last question, so make it a good one.”

Tenzō is quiet for a second, desperately trying to organize his thoughts. He looks back at Obito, and his heart starts to race again.

“What were all of the reasons to why Kakashi and Rin broke up?”

“You don’t think Kakashi is telling you the truth?”

“I just don’t think distance was the only reason.” Tenzō did not want to admit that to Obito, but this was probably the only way to get an answer.

“Distance?” Obito scrunches up his face. “He told you they broke up ‘cause of distance?” He snorts, but this only managed to irritate Tenzō more than he already was.

Tenzō narrows his eyes, knowing full well how hostile he probably looks, “why did they break up?”

“She found out about you, and he lied to her. He tried to keep you a secret, and I guess she just couldn’t trust him anymore.” Kicking his feet out in front of him, he leans back against the wall appearing to have no care in the world.

“What?” It was the only thing Tenzō could say. It did not match up with Kakashi’s story in the slightest, and the fact that it had to do with him? He really had no idea what to think anymore.

“You can choose to not believe me if you want. I’m sure he lied to you so you wouldn’t feel guilty anyway. He’s the type to do that.”

Tenzō gapes at him unable to think. He did not want to continue this conversation. To be frank, he wanted answers from Kakashi now, but this damn rain.

“I’m gonna go... run on the treadmill. Don’t follow me.” He roughly starts ripping his gloves off along with the wraps while speeding out of the room. Making his way through the gym to the front desk, he drops the gloves on the desk and jams his wraps in his pocket. He drops his gaze to his feet and B-lines to the treadmills.

He just needs a second to think. Hell, he wants to leave. His desire to get to the bottom of this is downright agonizing. This is probably the only explanation as to why he does not want to run on the treadmills either.

Careless might be one way to describe his next mode of action. Impulsive is better, but there are many words as to why he does what he is about to do. Instead of starting a treadmill, he walks straight passed them and continues through the gym towards the exit. Thankfully, no one noticed or at least cared to stop him because he was not going to stay another second.

He pulls his hood on over his head and keeps his head low. The rain has lightened to a sprinkle while he was inside, so walking a few blocks did not seem as bleak as it would have an hour ago. The temperature is the thing that really made Tenzō struggle with his decision. His teeth chatter while he pulls his jacket tighter around himself with his arms crossed.

He scurried across the parking lot, cringing at the rainwater soaking his shoes. He reaches the side walk and quickens his pace. Tenzō has never been and possibly never will be a fan of the rain, so he already regrets this. Yeah, walking in the rain this morning when he was depressed and not completely irritated did not seem so bad, but now that he is annoyed, every drop that hit his face pissed him off just a little bit more.

The first few blocks went by with a blink of an eye mainly because of him nearly running to the end of each street. He stops at a corner to cross the cross walk. He repeatedly hits the button to signal the light for him to walk. He takes a look back, no longer able to see the gym from where he is and he almost, almost turned around to head back, but he has no good reason to why the hell he just ran three blocks in the rain.

He glances forward, finally seeing the signal to cross. He jogs to the next corner, swallowing his pride and accepting that he will have to come up with something when he reaches the apartment at least. Surely, he can figure something out within the next block.

The pitter patter of the rain hitting his hood grows louder with each shoe-soaked step. His socks squishing underneath his feet, nearly making his skin crawl and shiver. The rain is picking up and so is his speed. His breath is now visible from the cold and his teeth click together painfully.

The apartment is in sight, but it feels dreadfully far. He breaks into a full sprint as thunder claps over head. It is almost like a nightmare watching the storm progress around him. A streak of lightning touches down in the distance, lighting up the world for a fraction of a second. The clouds growled and hissed, pushing him forward.

Tenzō books it through the apartment parking lot in a blur, and his hand grasps the staircase railing, almost fumbling on the first few steps. His chest is heaving, and his lungs burn. Gasping for air, he drops onto the steps letting realization hit him that he is no longer in the rain. Silently thanking the awning that protects him, he pulls himself up into a standing position.

His clothes cling to him uncomfortably and his shoes smack the ground with every step. He climbs the stair case to Kakashi’s apartment, shame consuming him.

The storm was the only thing on his mind so he did not come up with anything to say when Kakashi answers the door. He only prays that he does not make a fool of himself, well, more than he already will.

He presses his index finger against the doorbell twice. Is it possible to come up with an excuse in the next few seconds? Footsteps are heard beyond the door and he cannot stop himself from dramatically inhaling trying to brace himself.

He blinks and his gaze meet those mismatched eyes that he has been dying to see since he left the apartment this morning.

“Tenzō? What... where did you go?” Kakashi practically pulls him inside while asking this. Tenzō roughly kicks his wet shoes off at the door and almost trips at the entrance from Kakashi pulling him.

“I went to Gai’s gym.” Barely a whisper, Tenzō frowns inwardly. What can he even say?

“Did you...” Kakashi tugs on the hem of Tenzō’s shirt and narrows his eyes at him. “Did you run all the way here in the rain?”

Tenzō only nods in response. It might be his lucky day if Kakashi does not press him further.

“Get these clothes off you. You’re going to catch a cold.”

Tenzō does what he is told in silence. He shoves his jacket off, still standing in the living room. Kakashi grips Tenzō’s shirt and swiftly pulls up, taking off his shirt in one fell swoop. Tenzō shivers and now covered in goose bumps with his bare skin exposed more than he wished.

“Can I take my pants off in your room instead of... here?” He hugs himself, regretting the fact that he let Kakashi just strip him half naked in two seconds.

“Oh, yeah,” Kakashi takes a step back.

No longer having his path blocked, Tenzō shuffles down the hall uncomfortably. His pants cling to him making his legs chafe. He can hear Kakashi following him, and for some reason, he gets the sudden fear that the rain may have soaked him down to his underwear.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Tenzō almost jumps at the question. Is he really okay? His life is in shambles right now, and finding out that one on of the only people he trusts, the whole foundation of their relationship might be a lie made it no better.

No, he is not okay, but maybe him running in the rain could have told him that.

He slips into the bedroom and shoves his pants off without bothering to answer Kakashi. His underwear is not too wet thankfully, so he can at least keep those on.

Kakashi throws a towel onto Tenzō’s head and dries his hair. Tenzō stares at his feet, letting Kakashi continue. His body aches and he is still painfully cold. His bones creek with the slightest motion begging to lie down.

“Did you...” The words escape him. Tenzō is at a loss for words. He does not have a plan for anything anymore. It is a little tragic how everything is pulling apart at the seams and he just stands here with his eyes glued to the floor. “Did you lie about why you and Rin broke up?”

Kakashi’s hands freeze making it just a little too obvious to the answer Tenzō was seeking. The towel drops to the floor, but they both remain frozen in time.

“Why do you ask?”

Tenzō did not like hearing this. He wanted a yes or a no. There was no room to answer with a question. Kakashi did lie. He had to of lied if he is avoiding this.

“I saw Obito at the gym.” Tenzō is desperately picking his words carefully. If he does not do this right, he might continue to remain in the dark. “He told me that you and Rin broke up because of you keeping me a secret. He said you lied to her and she couldn’t trust you anymore.”

“Obito said that?” Kakashi drops his hands.

Tenzō merely nods in response. Still no words to conjure yet.

“I...” Kakashi pauses taking in a shaky breath. “What else did he say?”

“You lied to me about the break up to protect me.” He inched his head up to face Kakashi. Sadly, his expression is completely unreadable. “Did you lie to me?”

“We broke up for a lot of reasons, so I did not lie to you.”

“But you hid part of the truth. That is lying, Kakashi.” Tenzō backs up a few steps. “That’s lying.”

“I didn’t think it would be a good idea to tell you that right away.” Kakashi steps forward. “It’s kind of... I didn’t think saying Rin broke up with me because of you would be a good thing to say to you when I wanted to fix things.”

“Then tell me the truth now.” Tenzō purses his lips trying to contain his emotions. He did not want to snap or fall apart. He just wants the truth and be rational about it.

Kakashi sighs loudly and walks away towards the bed. He sits down on it making the mattress squeak. He is wringing his hands so much Tenzō almost feared Kakashi’s hands may fall off.

“I told Obito about you when we were in high school. He was my best friend, and I don’t know. I never thought about dating a guy before and I wanted someone to confide in that wasn’t you.”

“What does this have to do with Rin?”

“He told her about you, and I didn’t know.”

“Oh, so that’s... what he meant when he said you lied to her.”

“I didn’t think he would tell her, and I didn’t want to tell her. I remembered how scared you were of people finding out, so I... didn’t want to out you.”

“I wouldn’t have been mad if you told her. She ended up finding out anyway.” Tenzō relaxes a little.

“It was my fault for telling Obito, but to be honest I don’t care anymore that we broke up. We were not going to last. There were just too many things that were tearing us apart.”

“Why don’t you care anymore? You love her, don’t you?”

“Tenzō, we broke up in my first year of college. We didn’t even last a whole year when we got back together. It bothered me how things ended, but... things are different now.” Kakashi pushes himself off the bed and closes the gap between them.

“Things are different because of me, right?” He frowns unsure of what to think. He expected to have to pry answers out of Kakashi, but everything was pouring out.

“Well, yeah. I never thought I could get a second chance with you again. I loved Rin, but...” Kakashi’s face turns a shade of light pink. “I have you, Tenzō.”

“You know, you make it difficult to just stay friends, right?” A smile tugs at the corners of his lips. Hell, Kakashi made it more than difficult. It was simply impossible.

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Maybe,” He speaks softly, finally letting his anxiety roll off of him. He trusts Kakashi, and maybe him keeping a part of the truth was not the end of the world. Running here in the rain was probably unnecessary as well. Tenzō did not entirely regret it though. How else would he be talking to Kakashi like this otherwise?

“Hopefully you mean you want to date me instead of not be my friend.” A sheepish laugh escapes him, making it all the more obvious how nervous he really is.

“Yeah, I mean the first one.”

“Ah, that’s good then. I would if I could.” Kakashi rubs the back of his head. “If you want to.”

“I’m surprised you still want to date me after everything that has happened with my dad.” Tenzō looks away. “Dating me won’t be easy.”

“I’m willing to take my chances... I mean... if you trust me now.”

“I think I trust you.”

“Think?”

“I want to date you. Don’t get me wrong.” He clenches his jaw and unclenches awkwardly.

Tenzō wants this. He wants Kakashi. Possibly more than anything in the world. But... is he ready? He has bigger things to worry about in his life, and yet, Kakashi is still a constant stressor.

He doesn’t have a home once the semester ends. He does not even know if he can continue school in the Spring. He cannot see his future clearly anymore. The ground is crumbling underneath him and the last thing he wants is to drag Kakashi down with him.

“I’m not ready yet, Kakashi,” he whispers unsure of how to continue this statement.

“Is it something I did? I know what I did in high school was wrong, but did I do anything else?” Kakashi’s voice cracks making Tenzō’s heart drop down to his feet.

“No, there’s just too much in my life and I don’t want to worry about-”

“Me? I didn’t really think I was a burden to you?”

“You’re not! Just let me finish!” He groans, unable to think straight. “I don’t have a home. I can’t finish school. I’m going to be the burden. You have enough to worry about, and I... don’t want to drag you down.”

“But you won’t? You can stay here. If you have to take a semester off and work, there’s no shame in it. You can take off an entire year or more if you need to. I can help you.” Kakashi reaches up and cups his hands around Tenzō’s face. “Let me help you... please.”

Tenzō stares into his eyes letting himself melt into Kakashi’s hands.

“We can figure this out together. I don’t want you to be alone.” Kakashi leans in closer.

Tenzō opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. What else is there to say?

He eventually settles for a nod, accepting that he is left speechless.

They stay like this for a few minutes, both not speaking. Tenzō did not want to ruin the moment just yet, and he only assumes Kakashi feels the same way. He would stay this way forever if it wasn’t for the fact that the cold is catching up to him too. He shivers and nuzzles his face into the crook of Kakashi’s neck.

“Thank you for being here with me, Kakashi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got this chapter done. This took me way longer than expected. I hit a point in the story where I just did not know which direction to go in. I finally got this far and was somewhat content with this. I wanted to ease off the drama now that the story is nearing its end. I am very sorry for being so late with this chapter though. I really planned on getting this updated in November, but that clearly did not happen. My semester is over so I hope that I am able to get out at least one chapter before school starts up again. Maybe if I am lucky, I can finish this all up. Happy holidays and happy new years, everyone. 
> 
> Also this chapter has not been completely edited so I am sorry for mistakes. [I will try to get it cleaned up sometime this week, but I wanted this posted before January :') ]


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